12 Months
by TheChicaChic
Summary: Besides, I'm hoping somewhere down the road this budding relationship we have becomes serious enough that you'll marry me. The sequel to 'Writer's Block' - it would help to read that first.
1. The Week Before Christmas

_**AN: Hello all again. With 'Writers Block' over, it's time to start the sequel - yay! I've decided to change things up a bit; while there will be some writing prompts still going on - Ruth's not going to be giving up on that site anytime soon - there's also going to be a new format, journal entries which I've been told can be very therapeutic. As I'm fully winging this story since the last one didn't end as I originally planned it too - here's hoping it's not too nutty.**_

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_One week. That's the amount of time I was forced to spend at TRING after the whole Peter incident or as it was referred to by one buffoon, the excursion we went on that cold December day just two weeks before Christmas. Like it was some happy go lucky picnic we were on. Because I asked to get whammed over the head and tied to a chair by an obsessed nut job. It's funny how only the kidnapping found me getting an all expense paid vacation and not everything else. Receive a vase of flowers filled with lambs blood at work; get some stitches and a sedative; get kidnapped from out front of your house on a cold winters afternoon, spend a week with the buffoons they call therapists asking what you're feeling inside and is the ink blot they're holding up a bat or some blood dripping? Really? That's how the service is going to ensure the people protecting the country are mentally stable? By locking them in a building full of the mentally insane and the patients they're treating and have them stare at ink blots?_

_This journal was their idea. Or more specifically, the blue journal sitting on the coffee table was their idea. I've just thought it was a good one and decided to improve upon it. Once a day I'm supposed to sit down and write what I'm feeling. Then once a week I get to spend a hour with our resident shrink at Thames house having a lovely discussion about my feelings and everything that's gone on. She won't get to read the journal; at least that's what they're telling me; she'll just glance at it to ensure I'm filling it out and expressing myself. How is one supposed to do that without actually reading what's written? I don't actually believe that. So while I think this journal writing business could be helpful, I'm not going to put all my inner thoughts and ideas down for another human being to read; especially one who ultimately gets to decide whether I can continue in my job or not. _

_So I'll keep two journals; one to share and one to actually write my inner thoughts and feelings. Because there probably is something to this; getting everything out of my head where I over analyze it and still not have to share it with another person. We just won't tell the buffoons that. And now I must go, I think I hear Harry's key in the door._

Capping the pen in her hand, Ruth quickly slid it into the leather-bound journal and flipped it closed. While as her section head, he knew the terms of her release from TRING, she wasn't up for sharing what she was truly feeling. And he'd been nice enough not to ask her yet. Of course, she'd only been out for twenty-four hours and eight-teen of those, he'd been on the Grid dealing with the nutters trying to blow up the country. So that didn't mean that their dinner conversation tonight wasn't going to be part interrogation. Picking up the other journal, she set both on the shelf under the end table. Funny how she'd become so at home in his house.

That was another thing. She needed to take some time and work on finding adequate accommodations. Preferably ones not too far from Thames House or Harry's but within her price range so she wasn't living on beans and toast for the foreseeable future. And some furniture since all of hers had gone up in the fire Peter had set. Thank God Harry had the foresight to have the important things in her life boxed up and moved to his house. Living space and furniture she could replaces; her papers, photo albums and books, she couldn't. He really was a decent man when he wasn't trying not to be.

Looking up at the exhausted man standing in the doorway, she smiled. "Hi."

"Hi yourself." he said back. "Get settled in alright?"

"Yes. Thank you for letting me stay here again. I know its got to be an inconvenience."

"Not at all. You should know by now you're more than welcome here anytime." Stepping into the room, he stretched his shoulders out before settling into the arm chair across from her. Leaning his head back against the cushion, he smiled at her before closing his eyes. As tired as he was, it was nice coming home to someone else in the house; especially Ruth.

"Still. I don't want to impose too long." Reaching for a stack of newspapers on the coffee table, she pulled them into her lap and fiddled with them. "I've spent today making a list of potential flats and houses to look at come the new year. Some really look like they're a strong possibility. I shouldn't be under foot too much longer."

Lifting his head, he opened his eyes and looked at her. "You're not leaving."

"Excuse me?" she asked, looking up from the papers. "I can't stay here forever. What will people think?"

"Bugger what anyone else thinks. You've just been stalked, abused, kidnapped, and had your house burned down by a crazed wacko who fancied himself in love with you and now you're talking of moving out on your own not even a week later? Even if I wasn't in love with you and wishing you'd stay forever, I wouldn't let you leave."

"What are you going to do, tie me to your bed again?"

"No, that didn't turn out too well the first time. But I will think of something to make you change your mind."

Sighing, Ruth moved the papers to the table and stood. "Harry, I can't stay here. I know I said that I didn't want to spend the next ten years standing in place but I'm not looking to jump into your bed either."

"Hells bells Ruth. I'm not asking you to stay here because I want you to fall into my bed. I'm asking for you to stay here so I know your safe and you don't have to run around trying to find somewhere else to live." Standing, he moved across the room and stood next to her, his hand stopping a hairs length from hers. "This house is too big and too lonely for me and Scarlet alone; I just didn't notice it until you came to stay. There's more than enough space for you, your things and the cats."

Moving his hand the last few inches, he slid it into hers and lightly gripped her fingers. "Besides, I'm hoping somewhere down the road this budding relationship we have becomes serious enough that you'll marry me. If you're staying here now, think of all the time and money we'll save having to buy you all new furniture and moving all your books to their own house."

Folding her fingers around his, she squeezed them and smiled slightly. "I...I need to think about it."

Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against her cheek before stepping back. "I'm exhausted, hungry and besmirched and want nothing more than to eat, take a shower and sleep in that order. So take some time, think about it." Pausing, he smiled at her. "But when I'm through with my nap, know that I'm going to do everything in my power to change your mind."

With one final brush of his hand against hers, he turned from the sitting room and made his way to the kitchen.


	2. Count Down: Seven Days

_**AN: Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay in writing...real life reared its ugly head. Who knew you could get second degree burns from the hot cheese on a sandwich. And on your tongue and lip at that. I certainly didn't until last week! Thank you all for your lovely reviews; I'm happy to see some interest in this sequel.**_

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_Last night I received not one shock but two. The first was a phone call from the special prosecutor handling Peter's case. I was really hoping that I wouldn't be called upon to testify during the trial but that's not the case. Come the new year, I'll need to meet with someone in the prosecutor's office to go over my testimony of what happened; not only on that boat but over the course of our entire relationship. I don't know how I feel about that; having to share with strangers everything that happened. No, that's not true. I do know how I feel. It's discomforting to think that so many people are going to be privy to the various happenings of our relationship. My friends only found out about the relationship because they were following me; not because we had some late night tete-a-tete's going on. Now not only do I have to worry about them looking at me different but also complete strangers._

_It shouldn't bother me; I know that. And I shouldn't be upset or surprised that I need to testify as I was really expecting that. But I am bothered on both accounts. For most of my life it's just been me. My father died when I was eleven and fool that I was, I thought it would mean my mother and I would get closer. I should have known that wouldn't be the case but what pre-teen girl thinks that her mother's going to move on and push her child away. She was more than content to let me lock myself in my bedroom or my father's study with books, puzzles and my music. Most parents would worry that their child was exploring drugs or other means of self destruction - not my mother. While my formative years were spent being loved by my father and having him dote on me, my teenage years were spent playing the piano and reading Tolstoy, Austen and Bronte. What a lovely combination none of which leads to an overly social woman who thrives of personal relationships._

_I'm learning though. Slowly. And it's because of the people I work with. Malcolm said it best a few months ago when he said that we're a family. Because we are. A bit of a dysfunctional family but a family none the less. Which means I shouldn't be overly concerned about the fact that they know what a failure my last relationship was. But I am. What are they thinking of me? I'm a spook for goodness sake, you'd think I know enough to run a check on the person I'm considering seeing. And I did. Run a check. It came back clean. But then I didn't dig deep enough, didn't scratch away at the top layer that was all nice and pretty and gift wrapped for me. Had I, I would never have gone out with him. Instead I would have wallowed in the misery of finding Harry with Juliet that night - alone. It would have been difficult but a lot safer._

_And I'm all over the place. I know this is my safe place to write but it feels like there are so many thoughts in my head, so many emotions, that I don't know how to center them into a coherent piece. Maybe that's why this is such a good idea. A few months of this and I'll have all the tangled webs in my head unwoven._

_The second shock was Catherine. That's Harry's daughter. Not that I need to explain that as I'm the only person who's going to read this and I know who Catherine is. But it's there. And it's not going to go away now. Last night we were sitting down for dinner. It wasn't much; Harry had not gone shopping in the week that I was in TRING so I was left with little choice on what to make. While he napped after his shower, I managed to turn the two small chicken breasts I found in the freezer, the onion, green pepper, tomato and mushrooms in the fridge, and some rice from the cabinet into a filling meal. As I said it wasn't much and today I know I need to head to the market if we've any plans to eat this week. And I'm losing my train of thought again. As I was saying, we were just sitting down to eat when the doorbell rang. Seeing as anyone I knew either didn't know I was staying at Harry's or thought I was still in TRING, I knew it wasn't for me. Harry had gotten up to answer the door and when he came back a few minutes later, a beautiful woman followed him. From our past operation I knew it was his daughter but I had never had the honor of meeting her. And last night didn't go over too well. Apparently seeing a strange woman sitting down to a meal in her father's kitchen with said man was not something Catherine was expecting and she was a bit frosty. Things didn't get any better when after the meal; I wound up giving half of mine to Catherine - I couldn't let the girl starve; she diplomatically but definitely with a bit of bottled up anger and jealousy told me that while it was a pleasure meeting me, she needed to speak to her father alone and told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to leave._

_That left me in a bit of a conundrum. With my house nothing more than charred remains, I could either slink out the front door to beg Adam and Fiona for a place to sleep for the night or try to slip up the stairs without Catherine noticing. Of course the option was taken away from me by Harry when he announced that I was actually living there. As the two started to argue, I slipped upstairs and shut myself in my room, hoping to make myself invisible. Invisible I was able to do; not listen to their argument not so much. I couldn't hear everything yelled but I do know that Catherine does not think much of the social climbing tart currently living under her father's roof and she's fully expecting me to have moved on within a month's time to greener and younger pastures. Not really the greatest of confidence builders. After hearing that, I had slipped down the hall to the bathroom and prepared for bed. There was no way I was going to venture back down stairs last night. Call me a coward but I really was not in the mood to deal with any of that. Harry tried to talk when he came up but I feigned sleep; I know; another cowardly move but as I said, I was not ready to deal with that._

_Which is why I'm currently hiding upstairs in said room still writing in this. Catherine never left last night of that I am sure. Before he had stopped at my door, I heard Harry preparing the sofa bed in his study for Catherine and the two of them talking in rather loud hushed tones. I really am a coward, hiding here in my room when I honestly have nothing to be ashamed of but I'm not ready to deal with Harry's children. That really does not bode well for any relationship we might have, does it? I think I really need to start looking for my own place to live._

Hearing the front door close down below, Ruth looked up from the journal she had been writing in. It was later then she normally got up, even on an off Saturday and as she'd been living with him for almost a month, Harry would be aware of that. Which meant he knew she was hiding out. Not the best of situations but what was she to do; go downstairs and pretend that nothing was amiss. Right, because she was just that good of an actress. As she debated with herself, she stood and put the journal into the drawer of the nightstand. Better to not leave that lying around with a spook and his emotional daughter about. Crossing the room, she opened the door and stepped into the hall. While she would love nothing more than to hide out for the rest of the day, her stomach was growling and unless she planned on eating her pillow, she was going to have to venture down to the kitchen.

It was quiet as she got downstairs and she could say that she was more than a bit happy to see that Catherine's coat and shoes were gone from where they had rested the night before. Stepping into the brightly lit kitchen, she saw Harry sitting at the table, the morning paper spread out in front of him.

"Hi." she said softly, glancing his way briefly before making her way towards the pot of freshly brewed coffee sitting on the counter and the plate of croissants.

Glancing up from his paper, he smiled at her back, amazed but glad that she was still here and talking to him. "Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

Turning with a cup of coffee in her hand and a croissant, she carefully made her way to the table and sat down. "Yes. How did you sleep?"

"Well enough considering. Look Ruth, I wanted to talk to you about what you heard."

"It's okay Harry. Just leave it be; I didn't hear much of anything."

"I know that's a lie. These walls aren't that thick and we were pretty loud last night..."

"Harry, it's none of my business. Please, just leave it be."

Seeing her face, he nodded, not wanting to get into an argument with her as well. "Alright."

"Thank you. So, what are your plans for today?"

Closing the paper, he grinned at her, his mind going to the plans he had laid out the night before on his quest to not only get Ruth to stay but start slowly courting her. Lifting his own coffee cup, he took a sip before speaking.

"Well, I thought maybe you and I could bundle up, drive out to the country and look for a Christmas tree."

Choking on the liquid in her mouth, she looked at him, sure she had misheard what he had said. Harry Pearce venturing out into the cold wilderness to find a Christmas Tree? Surely he was jesting.

Seeing the look on her face, his grin grew. She definitely had not been expecting that and he was glad to have shocked her. Just because he was a bit of a hard ass on the grid did not mean that he was a Grinch. He had holiday spirit just like everyone else. Usually he just didn't have someone to share it with. This year was going to be different. This year he was going to spend the holidays with Ruth; showing her there was more - much more - to the man behind the glass wall. Setting his cup on the table, he continued.

"It's one week until Christmas Eve Ruth and you'll notice that we don't have a tree yet let alone any decorations up. I thought that we could begin to remedy that by going to find a tree. There's this great little tree farm about an hour and a half north of the city that I visit most years if there's time. Neither one of us are on call this weekend unless some kind of disaster happens so I thought it'd be the perfect time to find a tree. And decorate it and the house some."

"Who knew there was a sentimental man hiding beneath the rough exterior." Ruth said, a smile on her face.

"Hmm. You tell anyone and you'll find yourself working as liaison to the Home secretary's office for the next six months."

"What, no shipping me off to Siberia?" she asked, laughing as she stood to take her cup to the sink. Setting it inside, she turned and leaned back against the counter for a minute.

"No, I'd rather keep you close. Siberia's too for my liking." he said softly, his eyes meeting hers.

Blushing, she pushed off the counter. "Your secret's safe with me."

Standing, he pushed his chair in before looking at her. Taking a chance, he leaned over and brushed his lips against her cheek. "I know. There's nothing I can't trust you with. Will you come with me to find a tree?"

Stepping back, he slid his hands in his trouser pockets, suddenly nervous as he waited for her answer.

Biting her bottom lip, she thought about it for a moment before nodding. It would be nice to find a tree and decorate it. Christmas was one of her favorite holiday's and though she was usually by herself, she would go all out. This year...she had someone to celebrate the holiday with and enjoying all the trimmings she usually tackled alone. "I'd like that."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and let a smile fill his face. Pulling a hand from his pocket, he reached out and lightly gripped hers. "Wonderful. I'll just grab Scarlet's lead. Why don't you grab a jumper; it's colder then yesterday out and they're calling for snow again. We can leave in a few minutes."

She felt the tug on her heart as she watched him smile. The fullness of it lit his eyes and took years off his features. In the three years she'd known him, she'd never seen him truly smile at anyone. Swallowing a bit, she made a vow to not let things happen to fast though she would let them happen. Something told her given the chance, Harry could sweep her off her feet in a matter of seconds and she'd never know what hit her. She really needed to look into finding a flat.

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_**AN2: So ... should I write about their visit to the tree farm or skip ahead?**_


	3. Dashing Through the Snow

_**AN: General consensus was to see them picking a tree so I went with it. Have to admit, I've never actually been to a tree farm before but it's on my wish list as is moving to the UK so hopefully it's not too far off from what they're actually like. Thanks to everyone for your lovely reviews and thoughts.**_

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Shifting slightly, Ruth nervously looked between Harry and the object of their current disagreement. "I don't think it's going to fit Harry."

Sweat building on his forehead, Harry looked up from his current task and met her grayish-blue eyes. "This isn't my first time. I think I know if it's going to fit or not."

"How long has it been since you last did this?"

With a huff, Harry rolled his shoulders before turning his attention back to the task at hand. "It's been a few years I'll admit but it's not something one bloody forgets. Now would you stop nagging and give me a hand woman."

Reaching a hand forward, Ruth placed it next to his and curled her fingers around the base. Getting a firm grip, she pulled upwards, her hand sliding up slightly. Stifling a groan, she twisted her hand slightly and shifted her grip, hoping to get a tighter grip. Feeling something poking her hand, she let go and pulled back, her eyes shifting to the flesh of her palm.

"Harry, we've been trying for ten minutes now. Let's just face it, it's not going to fit."

"No, we are not giving up. This is something I've been looking forward to for hours now, dreaming about for the past few days. We are going to make this fit if it's the last thing we do."

"There are other options we can try. They may not be exactly what you're looking for but it doesn't mean they aren't just as good." Placing her hand lightly on his forearm, she smiled before nodding her head at the man waiting patiently behind his shoulder. "He's been waiting patiently to step in since we ran into trouble, let's just let him help."

Releasing his grip, he frowned as he met her eyes. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes Harry, I'm sure."

Shoulders dropping, he nodded his consent, his hand reaching for hers. "Alright, let's go find another tree."

Smiling, she gripped his hand in hers and nodded at the man standing next to the SUV. "We'll go look for one that'll fit in the boot."

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Snow was starting to fall as they wandered down the aisles of pre-cut trees, Scarlet trotting ahead of them on her lead. Every few feet she'd spot some little woodland creature and chase after it between the trees, barking as her paws sprayed up bits of gravel. Ruth laughed as the little dog reached the end of her lead and came back to them, her tail wagging happily as she fell into step next to Harry. With only a week to go until Christmas, the tree farm was crowded but as they reached the furtherest reaches of the paths, the people thinned out and for a few blissful minutes, it was as if they were the only two people present. Not allowing her mind to drift too far from the here and now, Ruth let herself enjoy the trip. There'd be time enough to worry about the consequences to their relationship.

"What do you think of that one?" Harry asked, breaking Ruth out of her thoughts.

Stopping next to him, she looked at the tree he was pointing too and lifted an eyebrow. "Harry, that's even bigger than the one we were trying to get in the car."

"It has the perfect balance of branches to height." Walking around it slowly, he moved a branch here and there. "And there's no dead spots. It's the tree."

"And where are we going to put it, the back garden?"

"I was thinking in the corner of the front room." A smile forming on his face as he took notice of the we she had been using for most of the morning.

"Harry - the tree is like nine feet tall. There's no way it's going to fit inside the house."

"Fine, which one do you want?"

Letting go of his hand, she walked between a few trees, her fingers brushing and lifting needles, her eyebrow lifted as she analyzed the heights and fullness of the various offerings. Harry watched her comparing the trees, the smile still on his face as he watched her mind processing the data she was collecting. He knew the moment she found it by the way her smile grew and her eyes widened. Pulling on the lead, he led Scarlet through a space between two trees and stood next to her. His eyes slipped from her towards the tree she was standing in front of and took in the green needles and full branches. Handing her the lead, he lifted his hand to his chin and walked around it slowly, checking for any imperfections.

Completing his circumference of the tree, he stopped next to her and nodded. "I'd say it has potential."

Lifting her gaze to his, she looked at him in disbelief. It was _the_ perfect tree. The right height at about seven foot with a strong top that would hold the weight of a tree topper without bending. The tree itself was full with lots of green branches and no dead spots. Even better, aside from the bit they'd have to take off the bottom, there wasn't anything else that needed to be done once it was home aside from setting it into its stand with the some water to get it ready for decorating. And here he was saying only that it had potential.

"Excuse me?" she asked, turning her body towards him, her hand sliding to her hip without her realizing it. "It has potential? Look at the fullness of the tree and the lack of dead needles, it should still be healthy into the new year without dropping a lot of needles. The lower branches are high enough that gifts should still fit without interfering with the tree and there is a lot of potential for decorations. Just what do you see wrong with it?"

Lifting an eyebrow, he smirked at her as one of the hands of the tree farm approached.

"Have you two found anything to your liking?"

"Yes, we'll take that one." Harry answered, pointing at the tree Ruth had picked. As the attendant nodded, he pulled it out and made arrangements to take it to the front where it would wait for them until they were ready to go. As the man walked away, Harry turned back to Ruth and had to laugh at the look on her face.

"You...you...man!"

Gripping her hand in his, he pulled her closer and silenced her with a gentle press of lips. "You've shot down every tree I've picked this morning, I couldn't very well admit that you'd picked the perfect one on your first try now could I?"

"Yes."

Stepping back, he let go of her hand and bent down, picking up Scarlet. The snow was starting to fall a bit heavier now and while the dog loved to play in it, she'd been outside for the better part of an hour; she had to be getting cold. Cuddling her in one arm, he reached down for Ruth's hand again and slid their fingers together. Tugging her hand, they started walking back towards the main area of activities. "I'm guessing this is how it's going to be now, isn't it?"

"How what's going to be?" she asked softly.

"Our relationship; you're going to be the rational one who makes all the right decisions while I just nod and say 'yes dear'".

She didn't answer, her mind slipping back to her thoughts of the morning and her fear that things were going to conspire against them to ruin what they had. Twice now he'd mentioned either directly or in a roundabout way that he wanted them to eventually marry but they'd not even gone on a date. He loved her; she knew that; and she loved him as well, but did that really make a basis for a strong lasting relationship? And how were they to go through the steps of a relationship if she was living with him? Her analytic mind was having difficulty working everything out.

As they reached the main area, her silence was really beginning to worry him. Every time he'd brought up them in any way but as friends, she got quiet or changed the subject. While he hoped it wasn't the case, he knew there was a possibility that her feelings the week before had been a result of the stress of the situation and not what she actually felt. Shaking his head slightly, he looked down at the dog cuddled in his arm and smiled slightly. Ruth was not the type of woman to express her feelings to just anyone and definitely not unless she was sure of something. She'd admitted to being in love with him; though only once; and she had also admitted to wanting to explore this thing between them. But she'd been through relationship hell and back over the past few months and that meant things had to move slow. He knew that; he was prepared for that; but it seems like his Ruth, in typical Ruth fashion, had taken two and two and turned it into 400 instead of four. Spotting the next part of his plan, he gripped her hand tighter and almost dragged her across the courtyard; it was time they talked.

"Harry!" Ruth yelped, following across the courtyard his hurried pace.

As they came to a stop in front of a small shed, she skidded into his back, bracing her hand on his shoulder to keep from falling over. Glancing around, she missed Harry speaking in low tones to the woman behind the half door but quickly found herself being led behind the structure. As they rounded the corner, she found herself facing a small sleigh with a horse harnessed to the front. In the driver's seat sat an older gentleman wrapped against the winter's elements.

Setting Scarlet on the floor of the sleigh, he held the lead and turned to look at Ruth. Her cheeks were rosy from the bite of the cold wind and snow had settled into the strands of her brown hair. Holding his hand to her, he smiled. "Have a sleigh ride with me?"

Hesitantly, she placed her hand in his, her earlier thoughts of being swept away in Hurricane Harry were springing to the front of her mind as she let him guide her into the sleigh. Settling onto the padded bench, she petted Scarlet as Harry climbed in behind her.

Harry sat next to her, his leg pressing against hers as he bent down and picked the dog up, settling her into his lap. The small dog licked his gloved hand but finding the taste of leather not to her liking, shifted her head towards Ruth's glove free hand, licking her cold fingers. Laughing, Ruth's thoughts momentarily shifted away from where they had been and took the dog from Harry, settling her into her own lap, her fingers rubbing the dog behind the ears. Accepting the woven throw from the woman, Harry spread it over the two of them and the dog as the sleigh began moving from the crowded yard.

Both were silent as the sleigh traveled down a well worn path, the clip-clock of the horses hooves the only sound as they entered an open field. Ahead of them stretched the grass field, snow lying on the green grass. Beyond that, a line of trees could be seen, signaling the beginning of dense woods. As the glided along, Harry shifted in the seat, his right arm rising against the back of the seat before settling along the back of Ruth's shoulders. Feeling her tense briefly, he held his breath, his heart dropping a little even as his brain told him to let it go for now. As he prepared to move his arm back, he felt her shift slightly in the seat, her shoulders dropping as she relaxed and leaned against his shoulder, the back of her head fitting into the side of his neck. Letting out the withheld breath, he lowered his hand until it rested against her coat covered shoulder and pulled her closer. Scarlet settled across their laps, closing her eyes and going to sleep under the warmth of the blanket.

Deciding that now was the time for them to have a talk, Harry spoke quietly against her hair; loud enough for her to hear but quiet enough that the driver wouldn't be able to follow their conversation. "Ruth, I think the two of us need to have a serious conversation about where our relationship is going."

"Now?" she asked, her voice as quiet as his.

"Yes now. You're less likely to run away from me." He said, a smile on his face as he tightened his grip. "No, really, we're not going to be interrupted here by anything but the falling snow. We need to discuss how fast our relationship is going to progress from here because I think we're on two completely different planes."

"Harry..."

"Please, let me do the talking and you can just agree or disagree for now because if I don't get this out now, I don't know when I'll have the courage to say it again. I've been thinking of this for awhile now and I want a relationship, together, with you. I know it's not going to be easy; I'm a limited man; and there are going to be times I frustrate you beyond reason. But in some sense, I think you're as limited as I am and there are time you do frustrate the hell out of me; that doesn't mean I don't want to make this thing between us work. Because I do more than anything I've ever wanted. You need time, I get that and I want to take things slow."

"By us living together?" she interjected with her biggest worry.

"Yes, by us living together but not in the sense I think you're thinking. Ruth you're a beautiful, intelligent, funny woman and there isn't a day that I don't want you but neither one of us are ready for a physical relationship besides what we have right now. After the turmoil that Peter put you through and my part in it, you need time to build a solid foundation of trust. As for me; I've never had a relationship that wasn't built on the physical aspect and after more than thirty years, I can say that they've all ended rather badly. I don't want that with you. Last week I told where I'm hoping this relationship leads one day, my past experience has taught me that there needs to be more to a relationship than sex. Yes, it is an important part of it but it's not the most. You need to be able to trust me as I need to be able to trust you; we need to be able to talk to each other, not just about mundane things like what we want for dinner or the color of the parlor but about what we're thinking and what we're feeling, the hardest part of a relationship but the most important. That's one of my biggest weaknesses, something I need to work on before we sleep together for the first time."

Pausing a moment as the sleigh entered the woods, he tightened his grip on her, his chin coming to rest on the top of her head.

"I want to court you Ruth. Properly. But I also don't want you to move out. Call me selfish but I want every second I can get with you. So here's my proposal. We take the next year to get to know one another outside of work; to date properly; and after that year, we see where we both want to go from there. You stay in the guest room; your room; I stay in mine and the rest of the house we share. If you need more space then the bedroom, then you can have it. Turn the fourth bedroom into a study for all your books or you can share mine; whatever you want. Just stay and give us a chance, please?"

* * *

_**AN2: What does Ruth say? And what's next on Harry's agenda for their special outing? Please review and let me know what you think. =0)**_


	4. All I Want for Christmas Is You

_**AN: It's not a journal entry to start with but it is Ruth dealing with her thoughts in her head; or trying to at least. Because I don't think everything can be fluffy little bunnies and smiles in their relationship even if that was my initial plan with this story after all that happened in Writers Block. Instead it seems to be starting out on a more heavy note. Ruth is definitely going to have some self doubt and fear when it comes to Harry and her feelings. But it does get lighter at the end.**_

* * *

Sitting in the passenger seat of his SUV for the third time that day, Ruth wondered where they were heading now. They'd gotten home from the tree farm a bit after noon and had taken the time to get the tree settled in the corner of the front room. Knowing it needed to sit and drink the water for at least a few hours before they could decorate it, she had planned on heading to the market to do the grocery shopping and to really think on what Harry had told her during their sleigh ride. After his little speech about how he envisioned the next few months of their relationship, he'd refused to let her discuss it with him. Not because he didn't want to hear her feelings on the topic but because he'd rather she take some time and think about what he had said, to think about what she really wanted and if a relationship with him was something she wanted.

The last bit she didn't have to think about, even if her feelings and thoughts were all over the place. She knew she wanted a relationship with him but she was scared. Not that he'd turn into another Peter or that he'd be like her other past relationships but because a relationship with him _would_ be different. Already he made her feel things that she hadn't experienced in the past and they'd not even gone on a date or slept together; what would a full relationship be like? And what would happen to her when he got bored and moved on? As she'd been told in the past, she was a tad frigid, even more prude and all together entirely too Regent in her mannerisms and views on relationships. Which is why no serious relationship in the past had last for more than a few months and most dates ended after the first. It wasn't that she disliked romance or affection; in all honesty, she loved it but she was more reserved in how and with whom she expressed her feelings with.

Most men in her limited experience with them didn't want to take the time that she needed in order for her to be more open with her feelings; not when there were so many woman out there willing to throw themselves in head first and damn the consequences. There were times she felt like she had been born in the wrong era when it came to relationships and sex. Oh she wasn't so naive to think that casual sex and such was a new phenomena but it would have been so much easier for her to live in an era when being reserved wasn't such a down fall. She wasn't against sex; not at all; and had enjoyed the few romances she'd had that had progressed to that stage. But for her, sex wasn't just something to engage in randomly. For her, feelings were involved and it was always hers that were trampled.

That was perhaps the most worrisome aspect of having a relationship with Harry. Well, aside from his children. That was a whole other area that scared her. But not as much the implications and mechanics behind having a full, real relationship with Harry. She'd read his file when she first started in Section D, wanting to know as much as she could about the people she would be working with and more importantly, the man who would be her boss. Not only was he a world class spy; well traveled and both University and self-educated; but he also had a way with woman and had had more than his fair share of relationships with the fairer sex.

Of all the names of his past conquests that had made his personal file, none were quite like her. In fact, if she was honest with herself, the ones she had looked up had been about as opposite of her as you could get. Tall, blonde and athletic with a sense of fashion, outgoing personalities, comfortable in their sexuality and sophistication that made her feel like a country bumpkin. Even his ex-wife fit into that category. The only thing in common she had with all was intelligence and as she'd been told by so many men before, that was actually a turn off. So how could she ever expect to keep the attention and affection of a man who had grown to all intents grown bored with the women in his past and moved on? If anything, he'd probably get bored faster and she'd be heartbroken all over again. Only this time it would be a thousand times worse.

She already knew she had fallen in love with him; had had the unfortunate luck of falling in love with him within a few months of starting in Section D, but she had learned to cope with seeing him every day. Had learned to deal with trying to keep the feelings she had coursing through her at bay even if she did get a bit giddy when he'd look at her or their hands would accidentally brush against each other. It'd been difficult but she'd done it. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought he'd look at her but then, four months ago, he'd been about the ask her out and while the butterflies in her stomach had twisted into knots, the romantic in her had been doing a happy dance. And then Juliet had called.

So many times over the past months she had relived what she had seen and more so in the past month. Living in his house, walking through that entry way every day had been _hard_. She had an active imagination and she could take that image of him pushing her against the hall wall and expand upon it until her insides were twisted up. Then the thoughts would turn to him taking that woman upstairs to his bedroom and spending the rest of the night having sex, the sheets of his bed wrapped around them as they moved in ecstasy. The first week she'd been there she avoided the front hall as much as humanly possible and she'd refused to even look in the direction of his bedroom. Harry was more in tune with her thoughts then she had realized because it hadn't taken him long to figure out what was going through her mind.

And they'd had a frank discussion about what she had seen. Or rather he had talked and she had blushed and tried to look anywhere but at him. At first, she had almost begged him not to tell her about that night but her voice had failed her. She hadn't realized that he had known she had been there outside at some point but he had known she had shown up there and seen something. After coaxing out of her the when and why she'd been there, he'd forced her to listen to him as he explained everything. About his growing feelings for her and his desire to ask her out on a real date to explore those feelings and to see if there was any chance she could feel the same way. Then his disappointment in the interruption that had dragged him away before he could take that step forward and the realization that his job would always have to come first.

She had tried to tell him that that was enough, that she didn't need to know anymore but he'd kept going. He'd told her about the long meeting with the DG, about drinking entirely too much whiskey and the need to release long pent up frustrations that came with his job. Juliet had been a release for him, a quick fuck that he knew would be over quickly with no awkward questions asked later or for any nicety and need with attachments. Neither one cared for the other, had never truly cared for one another even during their affair and he'd pointed out had she waited twenty minutes, she would have seen Juliet leaving. Not that he expected her to sit outside his house waiting for that to end. He wasn't looking for any kind of absolution in his actions but had needed her to know that it meant nothing to him. Actually, he had been a bit put out when she had insisted that she had no right to an opinion of what he did in his spare time or who he slept with. She was just his Senior Analyst after all. He'd told her softly that her opinion was the only one that mattered and that she'd never just be his Senior Analyst before leaving her alone.

Walking through that hall had been a bit easier for her after that. She'd never admit it to him but she was relieved to know that it hadn't been a rekindling of their long affair of the past. It had helped her deal with what she'd seen and the feelings she had inside even though she had been honest when she'd told him it wasn't her place to hold any kind of opinion. But the thoughts of that night and his past relationships were helping to fuel her self doubt and the knowledge that he'd quickly grow bored with her. He was a sexual man and she knew she'd never be able to fulfill him and keep him satisfied enough for a long term relationship to work. He was sitting there talking about wanting to marry her but could she cope with him sleeping with other women to satisfy his needs to compensate for her short falls. Would he love her enough to want her in his life while all the while maintaining discreet affairs?

Or could she walk away after he had found out about her short comings when it came to relationships and sex and still maintain some kind of work relationship with him? She loved her job and she didn't want to lose her place in Section D because she couldn't handle seeing him every day and controlling the jealousy of when he did have another woman in his life. She'd been able to do it in the past but at the time, she thought it was reciprocated love she was dealing with. Ruth knew Harry well enough that as long as it didn't affect their every day work, he'd never transfer her out of the department or ask her to leave. She didn't have any answers and she was terrified of everything that would happen in the long term aspect of their relationship but she also wanted a chance to love him, to experience her one chance of being with the man she knew she'd love forever. Even though she wasn't naive enough to think it'd last forever.

* * *

Harry turned the car into an empty parking spot and switched off the engine. Looking over at Ruth in the passenger seat, he frowned. The entire ride over she'd been quiet, starring out the window as they'd driven through the city and yet he knew she hadn't seen a single thing. Nor had she asked where they were going after her initial inquiry. Completely un-Ruth like. He was worried, especially after his little speech on their sleigh ride earlier, that she was going to run away from him. Even if he knew she felt for him what he felt for her. Truth be told, he was more than a little scared that he had pushed things too far too fast and she was going to leave him, leave Section D, and run far, far away.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly, almost afraid of her answer.

"Hmmm." Broken out of her thoughts by his question, she turned and met his eyes. Seeing something in his hazel eyes that she was unable to identify, she wondered what was going on in his mind. "I'm sorry, I was off in Neverland. What did you say?"

"We're here." Deciding he didn't want to risk anything right now, he took the cowardly way out and changed topics. Reaching down to his buckle, he undid the belt and waited for her to move.

"Where's here?" she asked, undoing her seat-belt as she looked around. Seeing the familiar building in front of her, she frowned a little. "Somerset House? What are we doing here?"

"Well..." he paused, not knowing how to answer. In a bit to gain more time, he reached for the door handle and opened the door. Stepping out into the frigid air, he waited for her to do the same. As she made her way around the car to stand by him, he noted she looked around and took in the crowds of people. Before she had time to question again he grabbed her bare hand and started leading her towards the courtyard of the building, weaving his way around the people gathered.

As they reached the destination he had planned, realization set in. Stopping next to him at the side of the rink she took in the Christmas Carol's playing, the lights all around the glowing ice and the people skating past either by themselves, holding hands or in groups. Looking up at him in utter disbelief, she met his questioning eyes.

"Ice Skating?" she asked, shocked at the thought that _the_ Harry Pearce had brought her to an ice skating rink.

Unsure of himself now, Harry nodded and fumbled with his words. "I was...that is...I've never...I mean...I've wanted to try to since they opened this a few years ago and 5 did the security assessment but it seemed like something one never does alone and there's no one else I've wanted to ask to come. And I was hoping that you'd be up for doing it with me. Ice skating that is. We don't have to if you don't want to. I should have asked before bringing you all the way here." God could he sound any more pathetic?

Her hand still gripped in his, she turned to look back at the ice, at the people breezing past, laughing and enjoying themselves and felt something bubble up inside of her. How could she not grasp this chance at happiness with him? He was offering her her idea of the world and God help her, she was going to take it no matter how long it lasted. Thinking back on the day, she realized that she'd never had as much fun with someone or felt as relaxed as she did with Harry. And no one had ever had the foresight to take her on a sleigh ride through the country side; that'd been very Austen like. The morning couldn't have been better, even if they had fought over the right Christmas tree. Now he wanted to go ice skating. Together. In public.

Taking her silence as confirmation that this was something she didn't want to do he started to reach into his pocket for the car keys. She'd said something about the market earlier when he'd been planning this little venture so they'd just head there then home. Where he could shut himself away in his office for the rest of the evening until he got his feelings in order and the disappointment was less likely to shine through. Her quiet voice broke the silence.

"I haven't done this since before my dad died. Which means I'll probably fall all over the ice and drag you down more than a few times but I'd love to do this. Ice skate. With you. If you're sure you want to do this?"

Feeling a smile grace his face at her words, he let go of the keys he'd picked up moments before and squeezed her hand tightly in his. "It's been a few years since I've done this myself but I promise not to let you fall onto the ice."

Turning to look at him again, she beamed as she met his eyes. "I thought you didn't make promises you couldn't keep."

Stepping away from the railing, he led her through the crowd towards the skate rental. "I don't." was all he said.

* * *

Twenty minutes later they were making their way onto the ice, both more than a bit wobbly on the thin blades. As they neared the entrance, Harry shed his leather gloves and tucked them into his pocket. Tentatively placing a skate onto the smooth surface, he prayed to whatever God would listen that he wouldn't fall onto his face in front of Ruth. As he found his balance, he breathed a sigh of relief and turned to look at the woman standing nervously behind him. Reaching out a hand, he felt her grip it and step slowly onto the ice. As both her skates settled onto the glistening surface, she wobbled a little and gripped his other arm with her free hand. Taking a moment to find her footing she stood up straight and met his eyes, her smile lighting them to a hue of blue he'd never seen before. Suddenly he knew that no matter how much of a fool he made of himself tonight, it was worth it.

Letting go of his hand, Ruth turned and started to move down the ice. Her movements were more than a little awkward and she'd only managed to go five feet before she felt herself slipping. Gasping slightly she prepared to meet the cold surface only to feel a strong pair of arms circling her waist from behind. The staid like that for a moment before gravity and the slippery surface of the ice took over and both wound up falling over; Ruth landing unceremoniously on top of Harry, his arms still tightly wrapped around her from behind.

Twisting in his arms until she faced him, she tried to sit up only to find herself held firmly in place. "Oh my God, are you okay?"

Smiling at her from his back, he answered as others skated around them. "Yes, are you?"

"Yes. I'm so sorry. I warned you I wouldn't stay up long."

"And I promised you I wouldn't let you fall onto the ice."

Looking down at him she realized he was right, he hadn't let her fall onto the ice. Instead of he had wrapped himself around her and they'd gone down together. And suddenly she realized there was only one thing she could do. Wanted to do. Grinning like a loon, she leaned down and pressed her lips against his softly. It wasn't a long or passionate kiss; her lips had barely met his before she was pulling back but it meant so much to him; it was the first time she'd ever taken the initiative and kissed him first. Watching as she struggled to work herself free, he moved his arms and sat up, a grin filling his face too. Slowly finding his footing, he pulled himself from the ice and reached a hand down to help her up.

"Thank you." she said, a blush covering her face both at having fallen and at having kissed him on the ice. Reaching a hand out, she brushed the dusting of snow and ice he'd picked up off his shoulders before meeting his eyes.

"You're welcome." Taking her hand in his, he laced their fingers together and tucked them into his coat pocket to keep warm, drawing her to his side as they slowly started making their way down the ice together.

They skated like that for an hour; hand in hand as they laughed and talked about anything that came to mind except work. Harry couldn't remember the last time he had felt so relaxed or had such a good time or opened up with anyone. Maybe when he was younger, when his mother and brother had still been alive and they'd done things like this as a family. Even with Jane he'd held a part of himself back, realizing that if she knew the real man behind the carefully constructed walls he had built, she'd probably leave. But with Ruth, he didn't have that worry. She knew how limited he could be, knew the type of man he could be, and she was still here.

He smiled as he thought of the sleigh ride they'd taken earlier. He'd never done that with Jane though at first he'd wanted too. Once he had suggested it when they'd been dating a few months and she had balked at him. Insisted they do something more fun and warmer - like dancing. He hadn't asked again and over the years, he'd never found someone he had wanted to share that experience with. Nor had he ever gone to the tree farm with anyone. Jane had been content to find their Christmas Tree at one of those lots in town, not wanting to take the time to drive so far out of London for something they could find there. But he'd known that Ruth would enjoy the tree farm and all there was to offer. He'd found it some years back on the way to meet an asset and had taken the time come the Christmas season to venture out. Since then, if time allowed, he had made his way out there to pick his Christmas tree; sometimes with Scarlet, sometimes alone.

Shivering as a strong breeze blew through the air, Harry stopped in his thoughts and looked around. The snow from earlier in the day had come back and was falling heavier than it had been before. Already the crowds were thinning in search of a warmer place even if the rink was opened for hours yet. Glancing at his skating partner, he took in her red ears and rosy cheeks and felt bad at having kept her outside so long. Pulling them to the side, they stopped and she looked up at him.

"Harry?" she asked, wondering why he'd stopped them. Ice skating had been so much fun once she'd found her balance and she wished that the night didn't have to end.

Letting go of her hand, he undid his scarf and wrapped it carefully around her neck, tucking the warm material against her cold skin. Lifting a hand, he brushed the snow that had accumulated in her hair off and smiled at her. "What do you think about stopping now to get something warm to eat in a little bistro I know and then doing the shopping before heading home? It's starting to snow harder and I'd rather not turn to a popsicle tonight."

Laughing at his joke, she blew out a breath and looked around, watching the people skate by for a minute before answering. "I think that's a great idea."

Reaching for her hand, he smiled and started to lead her off the ice. A thought popped into her head as she realized this was the perfect time to do what she had decided to do. Digging her heels in, she pulled back on his hand, watching as he stopped moving and turned to look at her, a puzzled look on his face.

"Ruth?"

Tightening her grip on his fingers, she looked down at their joined hands for a moment before meeting his eyes. If she didn't do this now, she didn't know when she'd have the courage to do it again. It was time to take a chance and leap. "I'm scared." she said softly, brushing her thumb across the top of his hand. "I'm scared of what'll happen when you've decided you've had enough of all I can offer to a relationship and leave me; move on to someone who can give you all that you want. But I'm going to be selfish and greedy and take all I can until that happens and you ask me to leave. I don't want to leave your house; I want to stay with you; and I do want a relationship with you." Shaking slightly, she skated forward, moving the last few inches it took until she was pressing slightly against him. Lifting her free hand, she rested it on his cheek and leaned up until she could press her mouth against his, her eyes slipping closed as she sighed at the contact.

Letting go of her hand, Harry slid an arm around her waist and pulled her closer, his other hand sliding into her hair as he took advantage of her open mouth, the cold momentarily forgotten as he poured all the love he could into the kiss. She was worried he was going to leave her for someone else and he couldn't blame her with his past. But he'd grown up, learned from all his past mistakes, and he'd prove to her that she was all he wanted. And it looked like he had the rest of their lives to do it since she just admitted she wasn't leaving until he asked her too. Like that was bloody going to happen. As the need for oxygen became overwhelming, he pulled his mouth away and let his forehead press down into hers, his breath coming in shallow gulps as he watched her eyes flutter open.

Smiling at her, he pressed a light kiss onto her lips and pulled back, his hand finding his way into hers again. "Let's go find something to eat."

"Okay." she said, smiling as she pressed herself into his side.

As they neared the exit, Harry looked down at the top of her head and smiled. "And Ruth - thank you for giving us a chance."

* * *

_**AN2: First of all - thanks to HR always live on for not only the idea of Harry taking Ruth ice skating but also for providing me with a location for him to do so! It was the perfect setup for her to make her decission. =0) Secondly - thank you everyone for your reviews on the last chapter.**_


	5. This Gift

_It's Christmas Eve and I still do not know what I'm going to get Harry. It's strange even having to get him a gift; not that I haven't in the past; it's just this time I __have__ to get him a gift. I did find a CD for him that I know he'll like; a new recording of one of his favorite Opera's; and a few books on the Cricket team he follows but it doesn't feel like enough. Not since our relationship changed. Yes I know it's only been a week and who really worries about this kind of stuff after a week but with Harry and I; a week is a long time. Especially as this has been a non-relationship for so long. What does one normally get their live in boyfriend of only a week when they have a lunch break to do it?_

_Speaking of the week; I know I've been seriously lax in writing. It's only been in this journal; my private place for my thoughts and all. I've been diligently writing in the one for work as I think they're looking for any reason to move me out of Section D. Monday was my first day back after everything that happened; both with Peter, the whole TRING thing, and my change in relationship status. Harry and I drove in together that morning; no driver; just two of us in his SUV. It helped to prepare me for walking back onto the Grid after a week away. I can't explain why but I was nervous and somewhat afraid of seeing everyone again. I think part of me was worried they'd look at me differently; think I was weak and couldn't do the job; but there was nothing like that. Silly I know._

_It wasn't all good though. Monday also saw my first appointment with the therapist. I was right in thinking that she'd be doing more than just glancing at what I'd written in the journal. We had a lengthy discussion about the length of each entry I'd written and my lack of sharing anything worthwhile. What did she expect? There was no way I was writing about what Harry and I had done over the weekend or the decisions that had been made. No one needs to know what happened on Saturday at the tree farm or ice skating. Warm, giddy and entirely too happy by the way. That's what I was feeling. Nor did she need to know all the self doubts and fears I was dealing with before the giddiness came._

_After we spent thirty-six minutes of our allotted hour bickering over the content in my regulation journal and what was expected in it, we spent the next twenty-four minutes starring at each other. She kept trying to get my to talk and I kept giving her one word answers. Not the best course of action but I don't trust her. And I know my job depends on these sessions but that's the problem. If I say the wrong thing; she'll have me out. If I don't say the wrong thing; she can have me out. What am I supposed to do? She gave me topics I'm supposed to write about each day along with what happened throughout my day. It's not resulted in much more content but I'm trying._

_The rest of the day Monday wasn't too bad. No one pressed me for what had happened during the session though I did catch Harry watching me a few times throughout the day. We didn't have any major disasters which was good and Malcolm and I were able to get to the extra choir rehearsal our choir was having. I did have a surprise though when I got home that night. Harry had arranged with Adam for Fidget to come home! Honestly I wasn't expecting that. Harry had mentioned that he wanted the cats and I to stay with him but I thought he was just saying that. Turns out he was being honest. Of course, only one cat made it there. Apparently Wes has taken a liking to Muggles and Muggles has taken a liking to Wes. Adam asked if they could keep him until they found another that Wes liked but I said it was fine. I love Muggles and I'm going to miss him but he's making my favorite little man happy and I know they'll take care of him._

_Fidget on the other hand has settled right into our new home. He's still not too sure of Scarlet or of Harry but he's loving being back with me. So much so that he won't let the other two without three feet of me. Harry tried the other night to kiss me goodnight as I was heading upstairs. It was really quite sweet and something I can definitely get used to. Fidget though, well he decided that Harry's foot needed scratching with two sets of claws. I will say Harry showed great restraint in not kicking the cat across the room. His glare down though did earn him a hiss and a beating with a tail but it also earn him a longer kiss from me._

_Tuesday saw us investigating a possible terrorist cell that led into both Wednesday and Thursday. There was little sleep for any of us which led to tempers being short by the end of the 72 hours. Especially when it turned out to be the misunderstanding of some low level person over at 6. Seems they stumbled upon a website online where people write these stories called fanfiction about TV shows, books, and other things they like only this person thought it was real. There's that TV show on TV called 6. You know the one where they follow the lives of a group of fictitious people working in a non-existent part of 6 in London? Well, instead of forwarding the actual site to his superiors where it would have been caught right away, he printed the stories instead and put them into briefing format. _

_For the greater part of three days we ran our butts off trying to figure out what was going on and who was behind it. That is until Colin happened to come across the site and was able to match the information. Harry was not happy. Three days spent looking for people who didn't really exist trying to disprove a plot that really wasn't going to happen with no sleep meant someone was going to receive a not to pleasant phone call. Needless to say the person who started this is no longer working with 6. Actually, I'm not too sure if he's even still in this country or not; Harry wasn't too talkative about what happened after he'd sent us all home._

_Today I'm hoping won't be too bad. I haven't seen Harry yet though I can hear him across the hall getting ready for the day. It's still early and I've seen his diary; he has no meetings today which means we can actually sit down for breakfast together. Is it bad that we're one week in and I've missed our morning breakfasts together? What's going to happen when he leaves?_

* * *

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Ruth carefully made her way down the last of the steps and pulled her dressing gown closed over her penguin flannel pajamas. It was Christmas morning and by the looks of it, Harry had been up for awhile already. The tree in the front room was already on; it's lights sparkling in the grayness of the morning. Next to it the fire was burning taking the chill out of the morning air and in a rare show of friendliness the two animals were curled up together on the hearth. Sitting on the couch in his dressing gown; hair unruly from sleep and curling in the back; Harry looked up from the file he had been reading and smiled.

"Good morning."

"Hi. Have you been up for awhile?"

"Just long enough to make a pot of tea and get the fire going." Placing the file on the table, he patted the couch next to him. "Come sit with me."

Fighting back a yawn, she crossed the room and curled up next to him, her eyes drifting around the room. It'd been years; maybe since before her father died; that she had a Christmas morning like this - peaceful. There was no fighting, no kids running around screaming and crying or half drunk college roommates stumbling through the door with half naked men; but there was a tree and a fire with two animals sleeping in front of it and a man who for the time being was all hers. Somehow this was always how she had pictured Christmas when she was younger. The only thing missing was a well behaved child or two ripping into paper wrapped gifts under the tree.

Harry fought back a grin as he took in the sight of her. Bare feet sticking out from light blue pajama pants, hair sticking up in the most adorable of ways, a red crease down the side of her face from her pillow, sleep still filling her eyes as she curled up next to him - he didn't think he'd ever seen her look more beautiful. Sitting back against the cushions, he curled an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. He didn't know how long they sat like that but eventually he heard her breathing start to get heavier. Smiling now, he leaned his head against hers and shook her.

"Hey, no sleeping. We have gifts to open."

Ruth shook her head slightly and nuzzled her face into his side. She was warm, content and entirely too comfortable to think about anything but sleep at the moment. Sighing happily, she moved a hand to his chest and let it rest there, the beating rhythm of his heart lulling her.

Oh how he wished he could let her stay like that; curled against him in sleep. And there was no reason he couldn't; they had nowhere to be and weren't expecting anyone; but he'd come up with what he hoped was the perfect Christmas gift and the anticipation of her reaction was eating at him. Sitting there for a few more minutes; enjoying the weight of her lying against him; he finally moved enough that he could wrap both arms around her. Moving her back, he looked down into her sleepy, unhappy eyes and grinned. There were no words that he could think of that could describe what he was feeling at that exact moment. Bending down, he kissed her; slowly, passionately until she suddenly pulled back, a blush spreading across her face as she turned her head.

"I've not brushed my teeth yet." she said embarrassed.

Gripping her chin gently in his hand, he grinned and turned her back to him, his mouth lowering to hers. "Who cares" he said right before his lips met hers in another languid kiss.

Sometime later they separated, Ruth more awake then she had been before and blushing deeply though her eyes were lit as they met his. Taking her hand in his, Harry stood and pulled her to her feet. Maneuvering around the coffee table, he led her to the tree and sat on the floor in front of the fire. Pulling her down next to him, he grinned as she looked at him in amusement.

"What?" he asked at her look.

"Where's Harry and what have you done with him?"

"I am allowed to enjoy myself you know."

"Yes but we all thought you only enjoyed whiskey, getting one over on the Americans and yelling at people. Won't everyone be surprised when I tell them differently."

Reaching out, Harry dragged her to him, his fingers digging into her sides as he tickled her. "I can't let you do that Ms. Evershed."

Laughing, she tried to squirm out of his grip but found herself held tightly against him, her head resting against his shoulder when he finally stopped his torture of her and she tried to catch her breath.

His breath hot against her ear, he whispered softly "Ready for gifts?"

Not trusting herself to speak, she nodded yes.

Harry reached under the tree and pulled two of the gifts; one for him and one for her. Handing the brightly wrapped gift he knew was from Malcolm to her, he leaned back with his and watched as she tore into the paper. Without trying to get too sentimental, he realized this was the first time he had spent Christmas morning opening presents since his divorce. Jane had kept the children the years after their divorce; he'd be allowed over to see them in the afternoon's before they went to their grandparents for Christmas Dinner. Most Christmas mornings from the time of his divorce on were either spent alone or at work; unless he'd been seeing someone at the time. But those relationships were not the type where gifts were exchanged nor were decorated trees present; rather they were the type that were gratifying while they lasted but not the type where joy was found just watching the other opening presents. He hadn't realized how much he had missed this. Snapping out of his thoughts at her squeal of delight, he watched as she lifted a teal colored scarf and matching gloves from a box. He'd mentioned to Malcolm that she didn't have a scarf and gloves when he'd asked what she might like for the holiday. As they reached the last gift under the tree, he realized it was time to give her the main gift he'd gotten her.

Going to stand, he felt her grab his arm and pull him back down.

"Open your last gift."

"But I want to give you your last gift."

"In a moment. Please. Open mine first." folding her hands in her lap, she looked at him nervously.

Watching her a moment wondering what it was that was making her so nervous, he finally nodded and reached for the square box. She'd already gotten him a CD and some books; he wasn't expecting anything else. To him, they were already perfect because they meant she knew him; the real him. Sliding his finger under the edge of the tape, he peeled back the paper. Looking at the cardboard box underneath, he lifted the lid and found a stack of papers. Frowning, he pulled them out and looked at them; unsure of what they were. Lifting his eyes to hers, he silently questioned her.

"A few weeks ago you asked to read what I was writing and I told you no, that they were too personal. But I saw how that upset you. And before you ask, that's not why I'm giving them to you. I...I...well if anyone is ever going to read them, I want it to be you." Looking down at her lap, she waited.

Harry looked at the papers he held then back at her and his heart leapt. She was trusting him. Setting them down carefully, he reached over and dragged her to him. Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her tightly, his lips pressing against her hair.

"Thank you." he said softly.

Pulling back slightly, she looked at him and smiled. "For what?"

"Trusting me."

Holding her tight for another moment, he gently kissed her before helping her stand.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Gripping her hand, he led her out of the warmth of the front room and across the hall. Stopping at the closed door between the bottom of the steps and the front door, he turned suddenly and looked at her.

"Close your eyes."

"Harry."

"Ruth. Please close your eyes."

Sighing, she closed her eyes. Hearing him open the door, she felt him grip her hand and slowly lead her forward. Once they stepped through the door, she felt him move behind her. Sliding his hand from hers, he leaned forward and whispered in her ear.

"Open your eyes."

Ruth opened her eyes and gasped as she looked around the room. She'd never been in the room before but knew it had been his disused formal sitting room. Now it housed shelves upon shelves of her books. The walls behind them were painted a deep burgundy, and the floor had been covered in a thick cream carpet. Turning slightly, she saw the piano she had found in his basement in front of the window; the wood polished until it gleamed. He'd told her it had been his mother's when he'd found her playing it one afternoon when she had wandered down to look through her stuff. Turning the other way, she saw the thick couch turned into a corner.

Turning to face him, her eyes wide she didn't know what to say.

"Do you like it?" he asked nervously.

"Harry. I don't...no one's ever...what were you...I can't believe...thank you." Jumping forward, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, tears falling from her eyes.

Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he pulled her closer and pressed his lips into her hair. "I'm taking it you like it?"

"I love it but what were you thinking?" she asked into his neck.

"That I love you, I'm thrilled you've agreed to stay here, I wanted to give you a space of your own, and I just...didn't know how else to show you how much I want you here."

"Harry." she said, the tears falling more as she pulled her head back and looked up at him. "God I love you." Standing on her tip toes, she pressed her mouth against his.

* * *

_**AN: Thank you all for the lovely reviews! I'm still debating where this story is going to go; there's two totally different paths it can take and so I'm giving you all a choice; consensus wins. It can a) be somewhat happy with them stumbling through the roadblocks of having relationship together in what I hope is a unique and interesting way while at the same time dealing with the fallout from the Peter situation or it can b) not be very happy with them being pulled apart by a case at work where it may or may not end with them actually still being together. You all tell me; it's kind of a choose your own adventure moment. Hopefully more soon once I see where people want it to go.**_


	6. Dear Diary

_**AN: Okay - overwhelming requests have pointed towards this fic being a happy fic with them finding their footing through a relationship together. I can do that. =0) As we've had five chapters of December, it's time to move onto January because even at only five chapters a month, we're looking at seventy-two chapters for this story...**_

* * *

_January 12th_

_I'm nervous. Today I received notification from the prosecutor's office that tomorrow will be a preliminary hearing for Peter's case. The purpose; to determine if he will be granted his request of bail or if he will spend the time between now and his trial in prison. Personally I'm hoping that he'll stay in prison indefinitely but his counsel is arguing that he's being treated unjustly due to my being a government employee. The last time I checked; while important to those I work with in Section D; no one else in the Government is aware of my name. But it doesn't matter. Their request for this preliminary hearing was granted. The only consolation is I do not have to be present. Or at least that's what the woman I've been seeing at the prosecutor's office has said. There's a part of me that wishes I had let Harry deal with this in his own way._

_But I'm nervous that he's going to be released. They're only holding him on abduction in the first degree and arson in the first degree; the charges concerning the stalking and physical altercation have yet to be brought against him. While I know that both the abduction and arson charges are major, the information I've been reading are pointing to him being released with the issuances of a non-molestation order to keep him away from me. Little good that does. The combined forces of my colleagues was not enough to keep him from coming after me; a piece of papers issued by the courts is unlikely to have a greater effect. I've not told Harry this yet. I know I have to; we've agreed not to keep things from the other in terms of our personal relationship; but he's not come home yet and it just doesn't seem like something one rings someone up about. 'Hi Harry. I know you're on your way home from a JIC meeting; do you think you could pick up a gallon of milk. Oh and by the way, Peter's got a hearing tomorrow, they're telling me he may be getting out on bail and good behavior.'._

_Harry's not going to be too happy with that. On top of that, I received a summons today that I'll need to attend a deposition at the firm that Peter's worked at to provide a detailed statement of not only our relationship but also everything that's happened. Harry's received one too as has Adam and Fiona though Harry doesn't know yet. He was at the aforementioned meeting when the summons were delivered today. As it was Adam almost threw the court appointed messenger off the Grid and threatened to have someone's job for allowing him up to our floor. Apparently everyone is taking security very personal as of late and especially when it has __anything__ to do with Peter. I'm tired of thinking about Peter._

_The sessions with the therapist at work are going lovely. Thanks to them everyone knows that Harry and I are seeing one another even if it wasn't that big of a secret. Last Sunday I'd burned myself while making dinner; Harry can be a bit of a distraction what with his wandering lips and hands; and as such, I'd wound up burning my arm on a pan. During our session, the sleeve of my shirt rode up and the therapist spotted the large covering that Harry had so carefully applied the night before after tending to the reddened skin with water, aloe, and a few well placed kisses. When I tried to explain that I'd burned myself while cooking dinner, the therapist doubted me and started questioning if I was in fact harming myself either by intentionally burning myself or by cutting. It doesn't speak well for the trust in our sessions when I had to call Harry in to explain exactly what had happened in order to be believed. Harry had insisted on staying the rest of the session; not because he thought he'd learn something I've been keeping from him but because he wasn't very appreciative of my being doubted. When we'd left the session he had mumbled something about finding a new therapist once he'd had our current one sent to Tajikistan. I'm looking forward to this coming Monday's session._

_Next week will be Harry's and my one month anniversary. Normally this isn't something that I celebrate but Harry is insisting that we do something to recognize this special occasion. And I found out that it'd be bad form to question why we're celebrating something that only teenagers find reason to. Yes, after he'd pinned me to the door of my library, he explained the importance of celebrating each of the 680 anniversaries we would be celebrating together and that if I had a problem with it, I could bloody well get over it, he'd kissed me until I forgot my name. No, literally, I forgot my name. If that's any indication of what's to come when we progress to the next step in our relationship, I've got to start printing my name on my hand. It'll be the only way that I can remember. He's planning something to mark the evening; perhaps our first date since the evening of ice skating? I'm not sure but I hear the water for the tea so I'll leave this for now._


	7. Test Match

Standing in the doorway, Harry watched as Ruth tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before typing something on the notebook resting in her lap. She'd not seen him yet; a miracle all unto itself; and it gave him the opportunity to openly watch her. He loved watching as she immersed herself in the task at hand, the way she fiddled with her hair without knowing it, the light flick of her tongue over her lip every so often, the way her...

"I can feel you watching me."

Harry laughed as she continued typing, a smile flitting across her lips as she acknowledged him but kept up with whatever it was she was doing. Pushing off the doorframe, he crossed the room and sat down next to her on the couch, his knee lightly pressing into hers.

"Working on anything important?"

"No." Clicking save, she closed the program before lifting her gaze to his. "I haven't had time to write in a few weeks; I thought I'd take some time and catch up."

"Ah. I'll let you work on that then. Pretend I'm not here." Shifting his leg, he pushed his knee harder into hers.

"The last time you said that I would up trying to explain to a therapist that I wasn't intentionally burning myself."

"But there's no hot pans or fires around here."

Laughing, Ruth shut down the computer and closed the lid. "Still, I don't think I'll take that chance."

"Well, if you're not going to write, I wanted to run something by you."

"And there is the reason you were lurking in the doorway." Setting the computer on the table in front of her, she shifted until she could pull her legs up and under her, her body leaning into his side.

Grinning, Harry lifted his arm, placing it around her shoulders. "I was not lurking; I was biding my time."

"Same thing."

"Hmm. Fine, forget talking. We can just sit here in companionable silence enjoying an actual quiet Saturday afternoon."

"Oh no, you came in here for a reason. I happen to know there's a test match on this afternoon that you've been planning on watching."

"It's not important. I'd rather spend time sitting here in our bout of silence."

Poking him in the side, she laughed as he tried to keep a serious face. "Bullocks. You'd rather be watching the test match and you also know I'm not going to watch it with you." Turning her face towards his watch covered wrist, she looked at the time. "Seeing as you've got exactly ten minutes before the match starts, you might want to tell me why you've come in here."

"You know, I knew there was a reason I loved you. No matter where we are or what we're doing, you know my schedule. I never have to remember it."

"Harry..."

"Alright, alright. Don't get mad." Moving his arm, he slid his hand down until it gripped hers. "I've been thinking about our relationship."

Ruth tensed, afraid of what was going to come from his mouth next. Was it over already? Had he realized that he only saw her as a friend? Did he plan this so there'd only he'd only have to deal with her crying for ten minutes before his match started? She knew she should have kept looking for apartments.

Harry felt her tense and sighed, his grip on her hand tightening. "I'm not ending it Ruth."

"I didn't say anything." she said softly, her eyes staring at the notebook computer.

"No, but I know you; you're worried that I'm going to leave; and I need to know why."

"Harry..."

"No, Ruth, we need to talk about it. I can see it in the back of your eyes when you don't think I'm watching. I read the pieces you wrote that you gave me; you're afraid that I'm going to leave you when I've gotten bored with you; and because of that, you're hesitant. Please, talk to me."

"I...Harry...can't we just let this go for now?"

"No, I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable but we can't. Letting things go is what ruined my first marriage. Not talking about what was bothering the both of us ruined the marriage. Keeping our thoughts, feelings, and parts of ourselves ruined the marriage. I'm not making that mistake this time around."

"Now's not the time. You've got a match to watch."

"Forget the match; you're more important to me than any Cricket game. But you should know, I decided now was the time to talk to you because it means you've got ten minutes to tell me what's going on in your mind. You do better with limited time. Plus it'll give you time to analyze everything without me hovering and we can continue our discussion over dinner tonight."

With her free hand, Ruth fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, not knowing what to say. Finally settling on her first thought, she subconsciously tightened her grip on his hand. "I think the biggest thing that's ... well for lack of better word ... bothering me is you've had affairs in the past. On women who were so much more than I am; more beautiful, more intelligent, more sexual, more everything; and eventually you're going to become bored with me."

"I'm not going to argue with you because I know no matter what I say, you're not going to believe me yet but Ruth, you are by far the most beautiful, intelligent, frustrating, sexual , mind-boggling woman I've ever met. And because of all that, I love you more than any woman I've ever been with. I can't promise you much but I can promise you that I'm not going to cheat on you. My track record isn't good; trust me when I say I know how bad it is; but I _want_ us to work. And I will do whatever I need to to convince you of that."

"You can say that Harry but I won't hold it against you when you change your mind. Everyone always does. Just please...don't hide it from me. Tell me to my face."

"You should know by now that I'm not everyone else. Once you said yes, that was it. There will be no one else for me."

"You don't know that. Harry, I know my limitations; I've been told by enough men that I'm frigid when it comes to sex whereas I know you're not and I can't hold it against you when you realize that I'm not enough for you. Just please promise me that you won't hide your desire for an affair from me. I can manage it if you're honest."

Letting go of her hand, Harry slid off the couch until he was kneeling in front of her. Gripping both her hands in his, he squeezed them until she met his eyes. "I promise you that I won't keep anything from you but Ruth, you're far from frigid, trust me."

"You don't know that; we've never had sex."

"Hmm. No, we may not have made love yet but I've seen you flush with desire, I've kissed you and held you as you've climaxed and I know that you're far from frigid. You forget that I know you Ruth, perhaps better then you know yourself. Underneath the exterior you show to the world you're an emotional person. It goes to reason that a physical relationship is not enough for you; that you need both the emotional _and_ physical as well as have a solid layer of trust to fully let yourself go. Which is what you've not done in the past; hence the fools thinking you're frigid. I promise you it's going to be different with us."

Leaning forward, he pressed his lips against her forehead, his hands still gripping hers in his.

"Harry you can't promise that."

Pulling back, he smiled at her, his eyes twinkling as he watched her chew on her bottom lip. "Oh, I can promise you that it'll be different. When we reach the point that we're ready to move our relationship to that final level, frigid will be the last thing you think of to describe it or you. It will be so hot there will be worries of spontaneous combustion; we'll have to make sure there's a bucket of ice water to put out the fires."

Not being able to help it, Ruth laughed at his description. "You are by far the most insane man I've ever met."

"Insane over you." Leaning forward he pressed his mouth against hers in a passionate kiss, his hands still gripping hers as she sighed against his mouth. A minute later he pulled back, a smile covering his features. "One other thing before I go watch my match."

"What's that?" she asked, slightly dazed from their kiss.

"We need to work on building that foundation of trust. I think a small game is needed."

"Game?"

"Yes. Did you ever play twenty questions when you were younger?"

"I think so but how is that going to help us?"

"We're going to get to know each other one question at a time. But the catch is whatever we ask the other, we also have to answer."

Standing, Harry pulled on her hands until she stood with him. Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her tightly against him for a moment before he pressed his lips against hers in a quick kiss. Letting her go, he moved towards the door and the living room. Pausing in the door, he turned back towards her and smiled.

"What's your favorite book?"

* * *

_**AN: A quick update before I settle in for another three to four hours of work. HR Always Lives On mentioned there was no Harry in the last chapter - I hope this makes up for it a bit. ;) As for the person who got out their calculator - you are the first person who caught onto that. I wasn't sure if anyone would or not. When I did that I actually figured on 40 years of one month anniversaries in addition to an anniversary every year for their wedding, the conception of their children, and a yearly celebration commemorating the first time they sleep together. I know, cheesy. If anyone has any questions they should ask - let me know either through PM or in a review. Thank you all for the lovely reviews - I do read them all and they do make me write a bit faster. =0)**_


	8. Northanger Twist

"Northanger Abbey?"

"Hmm?"

"You asked what my favorite book was and while it's hard to really pick a favorite as I generally love all books, Northanger Abbey holds a special spot in my heart."

"Because the main character falls in love with a man named Henry?"

"No not so much because of the story itself but because it was the last book my father gave to me before he died. I've had it all these years or I should say I did have it until Peter got loose in my house. It was one of those that he destroyed."

"Ruth I'm..."

"Harry, there's no need for you to be sorry. You didn't ask him into my house and you certainly didn't ask him to vandalize my possessions."

"No but if I'd not been such jackass and done what I did, then you might not have been with him in the first place."

"Stop blaming yourself. You keep telling me I need to let go of my fears and trust you; you need to stop blaming yourself for something that happened before we were even together."

"But..."

"If you say it's your fault one more time I'm going to...to...not kiss you for an entire week."

"Like you could go an entire week."

"Try me."

"Alright, I'm sorry for the last time. I'll try to leave it go."

"Thank you. Now what's your favorite book?"

"A Christmas Carol."

"Really? I never pictured you for the sentimental book lover."

"There is more to me than meets the eye Ruth. But it's more than that; it's only in the last few years that I've even sat down and read the book; let alone found it moving. It's a book about someone seeing the error of their ways and growing not only ethically but emotionally too. Where in that description don't you see my past? While I've never personally been a miser I can relate to being someone greatly disliked and at odds with who I really want to be."

"You're a complex man Harry Pearce. In continuing our game; what's your biggest regret? You don't have to answer now - think about it."

* * *

_**AN: Thank you all for your lovely reviews last chapter! I'm glad to see the "twenty" questions idea is generally well received. Here's a quick little chapter for today; I'll admit to resorting back to writing prompts for this one and the next few maybe too. Twelve plus hour days at work reviewing data leaves my mind mushy by the end of the evening. The challenge for this one was taken from my old writing community on LJ and was 'Use only dialogue'. It's an interesting concept though one I think I need improvement on. Send me your question ideas that you'd like to see Harry and Ruth tackle. The next question comes from HR Always Live On. More soonish. **_


	9. Leicester Square

_**AN1: Forgive me for my ignorance of not only Cricket matches and the times they take but where I'm going with this now. Another short update in the romancing of Ruth by Harry but I saw this on a special on London on the travel channel Thursday night and it was one of a few things that begged to work its way into this fic. If anyone living in the UK has been to the place...is it as awesome as it looked on the travel channel?**_

* * *

As the game ended, Harry stood from the couch and stretched, his stiff muscles protesting at the movement. Though loath to admit it, seven hours sitting on an uncomfortable surface was not something a man his age needed to be doing. The couch; leftover from after his divorce with Jane; was reminiscent of sitting on a wooden bench. Perhaps it was getting time to retire it and seek out a new one; preferably with Ruth's help.

Flipping off the TV, Harry looked around the room. Dusk had arrived signaling that the evening would be upon them soon. His plan for surprising Ruth with dinner out and a stroll along a quaint street he'd found would have to be postponed until the following day as most of the shops would be closing for the evening. Listening to the muted sounds of traffic outside, he wondered briefly if Ruth was still out walking Scarlett or if she'd returned and he'd been too engrossed in the ending minutes of the game to notice.

Crossing towards the kitchen he was about to step into the room when the doorbell rang. Changing direction, he walked towards the door and opened it, expecting to find Ruth and Scarlett waiting. The week before she'd locked herself out when she'd walked the dog before he'd gotten home from work and been almost frozen through. With the memory of how he'd warmed her up in his mind, he turned the handle and smiled. That smile was wiped from his features quickly as he saw the woman standing on his doorstep.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Aren't you going to invite me in Harry?"

"No."

"Come now Harry. You really don't want to do this out here."

"Five minutes Juliet." With a sigh, Harry stepped back from the door and let her in.

* * *

Curled on the couch in the sitting room, Ruth was running her hand over Scarlett's head when she heard the doorbell. Shifting her legs, she was just about to get up and answer it when she saw Harry step into the hall, a smile on his features. The match must have ended since the last time she'd seen him he'd barely been able to spare her a glance. Not that she minded too much as he'd looked adorable sitting there, his hair fluffed from where he'd inadvertently run his hands through it. Had he paid her any attention, she'd never have gotten away with watching him, her mind storing away those images for later in the night. With a smile to match his, she sat back on the couch and continued to pet the dog. Her smile disappeared as she saw the other woman step into the hall. Shifting further into the shadows on the couch, she watched and listened.

"I don't think I told you what a lovely house you have Harry. Very tastefully decorated."

"Are you here to discuss my home decor or was there another reason you came?"

"Hmm. That could be part of the reason."

"Look Juliet you've got five minutes and that's it. I'm not in the mood to play games."

"Pity we used to have so much fun with those games." A quiet sigh proceeded her comment, one which Ruth could tell was meant to portray her disappointment but from the sounds of it, Harry wasn't having any of it. She watched as the older woman held out a sealed manila envelope. "This was delivered to Thames house for you."

"And you felt the need to personally deliver it to my house?" Harry's hand snaked out from behind the open doorframe and gripped the envelope.

"Just trying to be helpful. It could contain something of great importance."

"Right. Well, thanks for dropping it off. You can leave. Now."

"Oh but Harry, I just got here." Reaching to the belt of her over coat, she loosened the tie and let it fall open, revealing the low cut black cocktail dress she's wearing underneath. "I've a dinner meeting to go to with Jonathan but I was hoping we could _chat_ for a bit before I go."

As Harry stepped back into view, Ruth held her breath, waiting to see what would happen. "Then I think you need to head to that dinner because I'm really not in the mood to _chat_ with you."

Letting the breath out, Ruth watched as Harry reached past Juliet for the door handle. As he pressed close to reach the door, she watched as the other woman placed her hand directly across the front of his trousers, her fingers tapping gently against the fabric. Harry didn't flinch, didn't blink, didn't shudder, just stood there staring at the door.

"Are you sure Harry? Because I think I could change your mind about that _chat_."

"Juliet..."

The rest of his sentence was cut off by the frown on her face followed by the complete look of disbelief.

With another sigh, Harry stepped back and looked at Juliet. "What is wrong now?"

"Your...your...broken."

"Excuse me?"

"That woman has broken your penis!"

"I told you before I was not interested Juliet. Now leave."

"But you've always gotten an erection when I've done that in the past. Even when in the domestic bliss of your first marriage. What has she done to you?"

"No one has done anything to me. I told you I wasn't interested and I meant it. Now leave."

Without a word, Juliet tied her coat closed, turned, opened the door and left. Closing his eyes briefly, Harry leaned against the door and let out a deep breath. That was not someone he wanted in his house ever again. Too much negative history. Pushing a hand against the wood, Harry prepared to move into the kitchen and start dinner when he found himself being shoved against the door, breath being knocked out of his lung with an ompf. Wrapping his arms around the warm body pressing into his, he felt her face in his neck.

"Not that I'm complaining," he started softly, his hand slipping under the fabric of her shirt, "but what's going on?"

"I love you." she mumbled into his neck, her hands pressing into the muscle of his back.

"I love you too." he whispered, his cheek lying on her hair. It was only the second time she'd told him that directly; the last being on Christmas morning when he'd shown her the room. Head lifting, he turned his eyes in the direction of her room and saw Scarlett resting on the couch. Suddenly he realized that Ruth had seen the entire exchange between him and Juliet and his arms tighten more. Her biggest fear right now was that he'd grow bored with her and find someone else; at least for a sexual relationship. And he'd just turned down one of the women who'd put that idea into her head. Maybe now she'd have an easier time believing him when he said he wanted no one but her.

* * *

Ruth woke the next morning in a cocoon of warmth. Feeling the weight of an arm wrapped tightly around her waist, she opened her eyes and glanced around. It took a moment or two for the events of the previous night to return and when they did, she smiled. She was in Harry's bed wrapped up in Harry's arms with Harry pressed firmly against her back. And clear evidence that she had in fact, not broken him. Biting her bottom lip, she resisted the urge to shift her hips back until she was pressed more against his arousal. It wouldn't be fair to the man sleeping behind her; though maybe he'd do something about the tension in both their bodies.

Nothing had happened the night before. Harry was still insisting that it was too early in their relationship for sex. And while normally she'd agree that one month was too early for her to consider having a sexual relationship with a man, this was _Harry_. He was different. They were different. Last night had shown her that, had forced her to confront her fears head on that should he be tempted by someone clearly more experienced in the art of seduction, he'd cave were clearly off base. Juliet had offered herself up with no hesitation and Harry had clearly not been interested.

Sighing happily, Ruth burrowed further into his hold and closed her eyes. As far as she knew they had no where important to be that day and she planned on enjoying the feeling of having Harry wrapped around her. It was more than nice having his chest pressed against her back, his hand slipped under the material of her flannel pajama shirt, his fingers resting against the bare skin of her stomach, legs tangled together. For a minute she let herself wonder what it'd feel like without the barrier of their night clothes between them but quickly chased those away. It wouldn't do any good to get wound up when nothing was going to happen. Not unless she seduced him. And that was not something she could do. Not yet. Feeling his hold on her tighten, she opened her eyes as his lips pressed into the back of her neck.

"Good morning." she said softly, her hand moving to rest against his.

"Morning. Did you sleep okay?" he asked, stretching his back as he shifted his body slowly away from hers.

"Better than I have recently."

"Hmm. Good. You'll have to sleep here more often."

Turning onto her back, she looked up at him and smiled at the sleepiness still filling his eyes. Hair curled more than it did during the day, he looked adorable and sexy. She wanted nothing more than to reach up and pull him on top of her. Her thoughts must have shown in her eyes because he leaned down carefully and kissed her good-morning before releasing his hold on her and shifting across the bed. Pouting at the loss of contact, she turned on her side and watched as he climbed out from under the covers.

"Where are you going?"

Looking down at her, he smiled at her pout and brushed his fingers against the skin of her face. "To get a shower. As comfortable as I was, we've things to do today and I don't want to risk falling back asleep."

Sitting up and letting the duvet fall to her lap, she frowned at him. "What do we have to do?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out." Leaning down he kissed her again, his fingers tangling in her hair. Pulling back, he stood and made for the en suite. "Now go get your own shower and I'll see you in the kitchen for breakfast in thirty minutes."

* * *

Heavy clouds filled the sky as Harry maneuvered his SUV into an empty parking spot. Turning off the engine, he turned and looked at the woman sitting in the passenger seat, a frown on her face. If laughing wouldn't get him in trouble, he'd seriously chuckle at the look upon her face. Still, he was hard pressed to keep the smile from his lips as she finally turned and met his eyes.

"Isn't it a little early for the theatre?"

"Yes. But we're not going to the theatre. Aside from being grossly under dressed, I've no desire to spend today seeing a play."

"Then what are we doing here?"

Unbuckling his seat belt, Harry opened his door and stepped out into the cold, Sunday morning air. Already the streets were crowded with people out to do their shopping. Waiting as Ruth made her way around the car, he offered her his arm and started walking down the sidewalk. Stopping at the entrance to the thoroughfare and waited as she took in where they were. Eyes lighting up she turned and looked up at him.

"Cecil Court?"

"Between your love of books and your secret liking of the Harry Potter series I thought you might like to browse through the stores."

"How did you know I like the Harry Potter series? The books are still packed in your basement."

"I'm not living in a complete bubble Ruth, I do know what a Muggle is."

"You unbelievable man." Letting go of his arm, she turned and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. Leaning up, she kissed his cheek before smiling at him. "Thank you."

Smiling back at her, he held out his hand. As she placed her gloved fingers in his he pulled her closer until her side was pressed into his. "Where to first?"

"Let's look at the books in Tim Bryars. I hear he has original classics."

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**_AN2: Not entirely in love with this chapter but there we go. Reviews are lovely and I thank you all for the ones you've left so far. More soonish._**


	10. I'll Make Love To You

Standing nervously in the doorway, Ruth shifted from foot to foot. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Why would I mind?" Pulling a black suit from the wardrobe, Harry hung it on the top of the door before turning his attention to picking out a shirt. "I did ask you after all."

"That was last night; this is tonight." Twisting the hem of her camisole between her fingers, she moved further into the room. "Wear the dark orchid with your black and purple tie."

"What?" Fingers pausing on a crisp white shirt, he leaned back so he could see around the wardrobe door and smirked at her. "Why Ms. Evershed have you been going through my clothes? Because I know for a fact I've never worn that shirt on the Grid."

Cheeks flushing, she crossed the room and stood next to him, her arm sliding under his until she gripped the shirt she was talking about. "I uh put the dry cleaning away last week when you sent me home. You know the night where you were debriefing Danny and Adam on the Mitchell case?"

"Hmm. That's right. I seem to remember telling you not to worry about picking it up; that I'd get it the next day. But like normal you didn't listen." Sliding the shirt she was talking about out of the wardrobe, he held it up in front of him and turned towards her. "You really thing I should wear this? I don't see myself as much of a purple guy."

Reaching a hand up to smooth the fabric, she nodded her head. "I think it'll make you look soigne."

Lifting an eyebrow at her, he smoothly hung the shirt up with the suit and moved to his tie drawer. "Soigne? Really Ruth? You couldn't think of something else?"

"What? I think you'll look sophisticatedly elegant." Waiting a beat, she continued. "And sexy."

"Maybe I shouldn't wear it then. We wouldn't want Fiona to forget she's married to Adam and try to seduce me now would we?"

"I'm sure you wouldn't mind."

Finding the tie she had mentioned at the bottom of the drawer, he pulled it out and hung it with the suit. Closing the drawer, he turned and slid his arms around her waist, pulled her closer. "There's only one woman I want trying to seduce me and it's not Fiona." Leaning his head down, he captured her lips in a leisurely kiss, his fingers tracing patterns on her hips.

Nipping his lower lip, she slid her tongue against his as his lips parted and slowly moved her hands over his chest and towards the top of his pajama pants. Fingers reaching the waist band, she sighed and started to slip them beneath the fabric, tips caressing the warm skin of his stomach.

Moving his lips from hers, Harry placed feather light kisses along her jaw, stopping as he reached the tender cartilage of her ear. Breath warm against her skin and voice low, he whispered softly, "what do you think you're doing?"

Fingers dipping lower, she started placing tiny kisses along the contour of his throat. "Trying to seduce you. But I don't think it's working."

Pushing his hips forwards, he trapped her hands between their bodies; stopping their southern bond movement and let his arousal from her ministrations press against her hip. "Trust me it's working." Lips moving back to hers, he kissed her once more before pulling away from her. "And while it's taking an exuberant amount of self control to stop this, we're not making love tonight. Not yet."

Sighing, she ran a hand over her lips and looked down. She really was bad at this. As if reading her thoughts, Harry reached a hand out and lifted her chin.

"It's not you Ruth, I promise. There's nothing I want more than to sweep you into my arms and make love to you through the night."

"Then why don't you?"

Thumb brushing against her cheek, he sighed. "Go get into bed."

Nodding slightly, she turned and slowly walked towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Hand on her arm, Harry stopped her and pulled her back.

"You said to go get into bed."

"It's over there," he said, nodding to his left.

"But that's your bed."

"I thought we cleared this up before deciding on my shirt for tomorrow. I want you to sleep in here. Permanently. With me." Hand sliding down her arm, he entwined their fingers and led her across the room. "If it matters, I'll go move all your things in here."

"But you said you don't want to have sex yet."

"Won't not want; there's a difference; because trust me, I _want_ to make love to you but I won't; not yet. And having you sleep in our bed does not mean we have to. I liked waking up with you this morning; I slept better with you next to me last night. It's the whole you I want; inside and out; and not just the body."

Reaching the bed, Harry pulled back the duvet and gently pushed Ruth between the sheets. Drawing them up around her, he crossed the room and turned off the overhead light before moving back to the bed and climbing in next to her. Settling against the pillows, he reached over and pulled her towards him, settling her head against his chest. Fingers tangling in her hair, he held her close.

"You asked me what my biggest regret was. It's not easy to pick one; there are so many things I've done that were wrong and I could have done differently. I was an absent father to my children, I cheated on my wife not once but numerous times, I've killed for my country and I've sent men to their deaths. All that I regret but I've realized that I regret what I've done to Jane the most. Not just the affairs but everything." Shifting slightly, he wrapped his free arm around her shoulders and held her even tighter. "Jane's second husband was my best friend; Richard and I had known each other since our last year of nursery. We went to University together but while I joined the Army, he went to medical school. He and Jane were together; they met our first year at Oxford; but I was intrigued by her. She was smart, beautiful, caring and completely not interested in me. Which meant that I had to have her. I set out to seduce her away from Richard and I succeeded. Once I did, the only logical step was to marry her. Don't get me wrong; I loved her and I can never regret the two children we have together but I've realized I was never _in _love with her and I took ten years away from her and Richard. They married six months after we divorced and had two more children."

"Harry..."

"No Ruth, that's why as much as I want to make love with you, we can't. Every relationship I've had has been built on a foundation of sex and want. And yes, I want too you but in a different way. Everyone one of those woman intrigued me and I wanted their bodies along with what they could give me at the time. We never had a deeper connection; they never truly got to know me; Jane didn't even know what I did until after we were married. But you do. You know the darkness of my past and you still want to be with me. With them I couldn't talk to them about the terrors I see at work; what I see does to me; but I can with you. At the risk of sounding like a cheesy greeting card, just being with you soothes my soul. So I'm not going to make the same mistakes I've made before. We are going to take the time to know one another, to trust one another completely and be fully committed to one another before we have sex. Hell, without trying to sound too Victorian, I'm beginning to think we should be married first."

Lifting her head, Ruth met his eyes. Still somewhat shocked at his little speech; she'd not expected _that_ to be his reason; she didn't know what to say. Seeing the vulnerability lurking in the depths of his eyes, she leaned forward and kissed him slowly, her lips caressing his in the deepest of kisses. Breaking away when the need for air became too great, Ruth smiled at him before tucking her head onto his chest. Fingers tracing senseless patterns on the material of his shirt, she closed her eyes.

"You are without a doubt the most frustrating, volatile, moody, sexy, deepest, man I've ever met. And I love you."

Turning out the light, Harry wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. "I love you too."

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_**AN: Alright so we've got Harry's biggest regret. Hopefully it's not too farfetched and out of character. I thought of it at 4:30 this morning when I couldn't sleep but just managed to get it down on paper. Ruth's biggest regret will be next but I thought this was a good place to stop. Thank you r4ven3 for explaining Cricket! It makes a lot more sense that way then wikipedia did last night. =0) Bookstores are my favorite places too and the thought of that many old books on one little street makes me squee. When I do get to England, Cecil Court is on my must do list. Thank you all for the lovely reviews; if you've the time please leave me one here.**_


	11. Let's Not Talk About Sex

_**AN1: Alright so I've bumped the rating of this story up to M with this chapter just to be on the safe side. You've been warned.**_

* * *

The next morning when Ruth woke she found herself with Harry wrapped around her again. When they'd finally gotten tired of talking the night before and gone to sleep, she'd been curled on her side facing him while he'd been on his back. But sometime during the night he'd migrated across the space separating them until he was on her side of the bed; his body wrapping itself around hers. But this time; unlike the previous morning; she was facing him. Her head had found a space between his chin and clavicle, her left hand engulfed in his larger hand under the pillow while her right had gotten caught between their hips and their legs had intertwined themselves.

Blinking her eyes, she listened in the distance as church bells rung four times. So there was still another hour and a half before either of their alarms would go off signaling that either one of them needed to get up. Shifting into a slightly more comfortable position, she closed her eyes with the intent of going back to sleep. But as she moved again; flexing the fingers of her right hand where they had fallen asleep; she felt Harry tighten his hold, instinctively flexing his hips forwards into hers.

"Mmm. My Ruth." he mumbled in his sleep followed by something incoherent.

Holding still but smiling at his comment, she felt him settle again, his breathing evening out. Against her fingers though she could feel a part of him that wasn't settling. In fact it was doing the exact opposite. She knew it was a natural response of his body but she felt guilty that for the second morning in a row he'd wake up with an erection and no gratification. Sure it was his feelings that were keeping them from having sex; and part of her was beginning to wonder if it was because he wasn't physically attracted to her; but it was her doing that they were sleeping in the same bed.

There was something she could do about it though. It wasn't like he could stop her. He was asleep after all. But could she do it? Never in her life had she been bold enough to do what she was contemplating without the pushing of her previous lovers; the thought never even entering her mind on its own. And was it really right? She was taking the decision away from him. Did that akin to a form of assault? Would he think less of her? Was it something he'd even want? The gentle thrust of his hips was enough to make her decision for her.

Biting her bottom lip, she slowly moved her hand until it rested under the waist band of his pants. Warm skin met her fingers as she took a deep breath and slid her hand downwards, following the trail of hair until she met the hard, hot length of him. Wrapping her hand around his base, she tentatively started sliding her hand up and down, the ends of her fingers brushing against his scrotum. Hearing the breath hitch in his throat, she knew the exact moment he woke up. Moving her head, she pressed her lips against the skin of his throat; her teeth scrapping against his pulse as she trailed tiny bites from his collar bone to his chin.

Following the path of his chin, she opened her eyes and met his in the darkness of the room. Filled with a mixture of sleep and arousal they were almost completely dilated. His breathing was more rapid then before and the way he muttered her name caused desire to coil in her stomach. She felt rather then saw his hand moving between them until it grasped hers. Fingers wrapping around hers he stopped the movement of her hand.

"Harry?" she asked, doubt and dread filling her.

"What are you doing?" Closing his eyes he took a few deep breaths and focused on getting his body under control.

"I...I'm sorry." she stuttered, her grip on him loosening as she went to move away, her eyes falling to a spot on his chest. "I shouldn't have done that without asking; it's probably not something you want me doing to you. And I was probably doing it all wrong anyway. It's not something I've been good at. It just goes to show you're not going to be interested in me sexually. It...it won't happen again."

With the hand still gripping her left under the pillow, he tighten his hold on her and shifted forward until he was pressed against her; keeping her from distancing herself.

"Ruth look at me. Please."

Looking up at the lowness of his voice, she gasped at the look in his eyes. Never had anyone looked at her that way before.

"You have no idea how long I have fantasized of you waking me like that or in so many different ways. But I've never actually believed those fantasies would come true."

"But you just stopped it."

"Because I don't want you to think you have to do anything for me. I am perfectly happy with our relationship how it is right now. Besides you're not getting anything."

"I don't need anything tonight. Everything's been about me so far and what I want or need; let this be about you." Curling her fingers around him again, she leaned up and kissed his chin. "I want to do this."

Swallowing at the feel of her hand gripping him again, he nodded and placed his hand around hers. Gripping her fingers with his, he moved his hand slowly. "Grip a bit harder and use shorter strokes. Brush your thumb over the tip when you're there and lightly let your fingers brush over my balls.:

Nodding softly as he let go of her hand, she started following his directions, adjusting her grip and speed at his encouraging moans.

"Kiss me." he manages to get out between breaths.

Pressing her mouth against his, she let her tongue lightly stroke the inside of his mouth as her hand continued to move over him. A few firm strokes later and his hand is pulling hers away again. Fingers curling around hers in a tight grip, he presses himself against her thigh once, twice, three times; each thrust harder than the last. On his forth thrust he feels his climax overtake him, her name coming from his lips as they hover centimeters from hers.

It's a few minutes later that he comes back to his senses and realizes that he's half pressing her into the mattress, their entwined hands crushed between their lower bodies. With a groan, he rolled onto his back, pulling her with him until she's draped over his chest. Releasing her hand, he lifted his until it rested against her cheek. Lifting her eyes to his, he smiled at the lightness and wonder in hers.

"Was that okay?" she asked nervously.

"You can wake me up like that whenever you want."

"Really?"

"Hmmm. Yes." Pulling her lips down to his, he kissed her softly before tucking her head into his chest and wrapping his arms around her again. "Go back to sleep. We have some time before we've got to get up."

"Mmkay."

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_**AN2:This was for everyone waiting for the two of them to move a bit further on with their relationship. Hope you liked it. Thank you all for the reviews and taking this up to 100. I'm amazed and touched. :) For those reading in the UK...about how much snow would it take to essentially close down London?**_


	12. It's All About Sex

_**Note the rating of the story...you've been warned.**_

* * *

Snatching the phone off the nightstand, Harry hit the talk button and spoke softly but gruffly; careful not to jostle Ruth too much. "What?"

"Harry?"

"Adam. What's wrong?" More awake now, Harry shifted his hold on Ruth, lifting her enough that he could slide out from under her.

"Harry?" she mumbled, blearily opening her eyes and looking up at him.

"Go back to sleep Ruth." he muttered lightly, brushing his hand through her hair before stepping away. "What's going on Adam? Terror plot on the Capital? Something worse?"

"Nothing of the sort unless the terrorist can now control the weather. Look outside."

Frowning, Harry crossed the room and parted the curtain, looking out towards the street. His frown deepened as he took in the pristine whiteness. "What happened to the flurries we were supposed to get last night?"

"Apparently _they_ turned into a foot with at least another six inches due over the course of today."

"Jesus. This is going to be a bloody nightmare. I'll get onto the Grid as soon as I can."

"I'm here as is Malcolm. We've got everything under control. Stay where you are. It sounds like you and Ruth are enjoying yourselves..."

Hearing the teasing in his voice, Harry ran a hand over his face before answering. "Sleeping on that brick I call a couch is hardly an enjoyable experience."

"And what were you doing on that couch?"

"You're walking a very thin line Adam. I'd watch it if you didn't want to wind up visiting Siberia. I hear they get more snow then this hourly at times."

"I'm sorry Harry but I care about Ruth and I don't want her to get hurt anymore than she's been already. Just...don't hurt her."

"Adam not that I need to explain myself to you but we fell asleep talking. That's it. Juliet showed up here last night up to her old tricks." He wasn't lying really. They had fallen asleep talking. It was this morning that something had happened. Turning away from the window, he looked at the woman curled under the duvet and smiled.

"Shit! I'm sorry Harry. She slipped through our surveillance."

Turning back to the window, he sighed. "It's fine. I just want to know what she's up to. She's hiding something and I don't like this one bit."

"She's not going anywhere. It's pretty light here today. I'll pull Malcolm in, brief him and see what we can dig up."

"Just...be careful. Call me if anything important comes up."

"Will do."

Hanging up the phone, Harry looked out the window one last time before crossing back to the bed. Setting his phone down, he lifted the duvet and slid back into the bed.

"What's going on?"

Turning on his side, he turned and propped himself up on one hand. "Just a bit of snow. Adam wanted to let me know we weren't needed in today."

"Mmkay. I'm going back to sleep."

He laid there for awhile, watching her sleep, his mind drifting to the previous hour. The way her fingers had lightly brushed against him, the way she'd kissed him as her hand had gripped him harder, the feeling of her body pressed under his... Closing his eyes, he fought back a moan as his body reacted to the images. '_Think of something else Harry. Anything.' _"Shit." he muttered, realizing that it wasn't working.

"Harry?"

Opening his eyes he met her blue ones. She looked and sounded more awake then she had a few minutes ago. Seeing the concern in her eyes, he tried to smile.

"Good morning."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just a slight ... pain. Nothing I can't handle."

Frowning, she made to shift closer.

"No, stay there. Please."

"Harry something's wrong. What can I do to help?"

"It's alright. Go back to sleep. Nowhere to be this morning. Enjoy the luxury of a lie in. I'm just going to go to the bathroom."

Realization dawned on her and she shifted closer, her hand gripping his forearm to keep him from leaving the bed. Pulling him back towards her, she frowned at the look of what she could almost identify as guilt. "Harry."

"No Ruth. It's alright. I just need a few minutes. I'll be back."

"You're not leaving this bed Harry."

Closing his eyes again, he took a deep breath before speaking. "Ruth if I don't leave this bed right now I'm don't think I'm going to be able to stop from making love to you."

Moving closer until her body was almost touching his, she brushed her fingers against the side of his face. "So make love to me."

Holding himself stiffly, he shook his head. "Not yet. Not like this. You deserve so much more."

"You keep saying that but what about you?"

"What about me? In the grand scheme of things you are infinitely more important than me. Your needs and your wants are what matter to me. Your feeling confident in our relationship matters to me."

"But I don't feel confident in our relationship; not with you pulling away from me."

"Ruth. I'm doing this _for_ you. I've screwed up and hurt you; destroyed what trust we had. You were stalked and abducted because of me. You..."

"Stop it."

"Ruth."

"No. It's 5:30 in the morning and I want you to make love to me. Or fuck me. I don't really care which. I'm cranky, I'm frustrated, and I'm starting to feel like my initial thought was right; that you want the emotional connection but not the physical. That you really believe that I won't be able to satisfy you sexually. I told you I'm scared that others were right and I'm frigid. You said I was wrong; prove it."

Breathing deep at her sudden outburst, she watched him watching her.

Eyes wide, he watched as she took deep breaths to calm herself after her sudden outburst. Jesus what had he done to deserve her in his life. Grasping the back her head with his hand, he pulled her towards him and kissed her. Hard. Shifting his weight, he pressed against her; forcing her onto her back. Feeling her shift against him, he pulled his mouth from hers and trailed his lips down her face and neck. Stopping at the beat of her racing pulse, he sucked softly on the skin; his teeth nipping before soothing the spot with his tongue.

She gasped and tilted her head back, giving him better access. Fingers sliding up his back and into his hair, she held him there while moaning his name.

Lifting his head, he watched her; saw the desire changing the hue of her irises. "This isn't going to last long. I'm sorry."

"Harry..."

"But I will make it up to you."

Before she could answer, he was kissing her again, his tongue darting in and out of her mouth. His hands slid down her body, coming to rest at the hem of her night shirt. Fingers sliding under the fabric, he let them slide upwards over her stomach, the faintest of brushes against the skin of her breasts. Pulling his mouth from hers, he slid the shirt up and over her head, tossing it to the side. Hands sliding back over her warm skin, he let his thumbs circle the tender areas. Feeling her gasp against his mouth, he flicked the buds softly before sliding his hands downwards to her waist; his mouth following as he licked and kissed his way down.

Grasping the fabric of her pants and underwear, he pulled them off and tossed them in the direction her shirt had gone. Pulling away from her, he kneeled and looked down, his gaze traveling across her naked form. Seeing her blush at his scrutiny, he smiled and reached a hand out to her hip.

"You're beautiful. And you're all mine." he said, his voice laced with a mix of lust and love.

Quickly pulling off the shirt and boxers he had worn to bed, he leaned over her; careful not to let any skin touch. Braced on his arms, he leaned down and kissed her again; the hardness of his erection brushing against her moist heat. Groaning at the contact, he let his body lower towards hers as she moved her legs to let her knees wrap around his waist. Lifting a hand, he brushed it against her collar bone; his thumb tracing the hallow of her throat. Tilting her head back, she let her eyes close.

"Harry please." she said in what sounded like the start of a whimper.

Guiding himself into her warmth he moved slowly, giving her a chance to adjust to the feeling of him inside of her. She was tight and wet and pulling him further in. It was taking all of his self control not to thrust himself forward until he was buried deep inside of her. Pulling out, he slowly moved into her again; going further then he had before. She gasped and gripped his forearms with her hands. Repeating the move until he was fully sheathed in her, his pelvis pressing into hers. Rocking back and forth, he felt her legs wrap around him, pulling him even deeper as she met his thrust. Moaning at the feeling, he felt himself getting closer. Wanting her to get something from this too, he moved his hand until his thumb could brush against her clitoris.

Eyes snapping open, she arched up into him, her mouth gaping at the contact.

"Let go for me Ruth." he rasped, his breath coming in gasps as he continued to move within her. "I've got you."

With a final flick of his thumb, he felt her internal muscle contract around him; her body arching upwards as her eyes rolled back. At the sound of his name leaving her lips, he gave a final thrust and buried his head in her shoulder as his climax overtook him. Muscles in his arms giving out, he let himself collapse against her, unable to move as he fought to breathe.

Finally catching his breath, he made to move; afraid he was crushing her. At the tightening of her arms around him and the soft whimper she made, he changed tactics and rolled to his back; pulling her with him. Still inside her, he felt her shift on his chest until she was lying with her cheek against him heart. Intertwining their fingers, he brought her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss against it as she lifted her head and looked at him.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly.

"Hmm. Yes. Was that..."

"It was more than alright." he said grinning, his hand gripping hers tighter. "You needed even ask."

"You're not just saying that?"

"I don't lie to you and I don't lie about sex."

"Okay." she said softly, her head going back to its position on his chest.

Sensing there was something else, he curled his fingers in her hair and lifted her eyes to his.

"There's something else; what is it?"

Blushing, she traced Greek symbols on his chest. "It's just..."

"Just what?"

"When can we do that again?"

* * *

_**AN: Okay I don't know what came over me. I think I've gone delirious from the 60 hour work week and starring at a computer screen. it's the only explanation as I normally try to avoid writing stuff like this and I hadn't actually planned on them sleeping together for a few more months. Hopefully it wasn't too bad. For those asking about when Peter's trial is going to happen; I haven't forgotten about it. I just need to brush up on the UK law system as my university days were spent learning the ins and outs of the US law system. Thanks for all the lovely reviews. If you have a moment to leave one, please do.**_


	13. I Was in the Dark and Falling Hard

"Was it really that bad?"

Turning at the low voice, Ruth saw Harry standing in the doorway to the kitchen, his navy dressing gown pulled tightly closed.

"Harry?"

Stepping into the room, he crossed to where she was standing; the mid-morning light casting shadows on her face.

"I'm sorry. I knew we should have waited. I'll make it up to you."

Bewildered, she looked at his crestfallen face. "Harry what are you talking about? Make what up to me?"

"It's alright Ruth. Really. While I had hoped it was alright...just..."

Placing her hand on his cheek, she stepped closer and pressed her lips against his, stopping him in mid ramble. Feeling him wrap his arms around her waist, she pulled back and looked up at him. "Harry, I'm the one who's suppose to be insecure the morning after. Not you."

"Technically it's the morning of not the morning after." He said, trying to hide his insecurity as his hand slid lower on her terry covered hip.

Warning in her voice, she brushed her thumb against his lower lip. "Harry."

"I woke up and you were gone, your clothes were gone, and I find you in the kitchen making tea with the washer going."

Smiling at him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and let her head cuddle into the bare skin of his chest. "You were snoring away and Scarlett was scratching at the bedroom door when I woke up a few minutes ago. I was planning on starting a load of laundry, letting her out, and then bringing us tea before you woke up."

"So I didn't ruin what we have by my poor performance this morning?"

"Jesus, if that was a poor performance for you than I'm in trouble. I've never...it's never...been like that for me."

"Really?"

Blushing, she shook her head no lightly against his chest. She knew if their relationship was going to work they would have to be open and honest with each other but talking about sex did not always come easily for her; especially right after the act. Sliding her hand under his the neck of his robe, she let her fingers trail down the skin of his shoulder, stopping when they reached the scar from when Tom had shot him. "No one's ever cared if I've been...fully satisfied...or not before they've been." she said softly.

"Are you saying you've never had an orgasm during sex with anyone else?"

Ruth didn't know it was possible to blush as red as she was as she shook her head into his chest, feeling his hands sliding down until they gripped her butt. Lifting her up, he turned until he could sit her on the counter. She pulled her head away from his chest and looked at him. A tender but smug smile covered his features as he nudged her legs apart to step between them. Lifting a hand, he brushed the hair from her face as his other worked the belt of her dressing gown loose.

"I think it's time for me to make it up to you for my lackluster performance earlier."

* * *

"Harry?"

"I'll be out in a second Ruth. Make yourself comfortable in front of the fire."

"Are you sure I can't help with anything?"

"If you take one step into this kitchen you're going to regret it."

"But Harry."

"Don't but Harry me. Go sit down in front of the bloody fire. I'll be there in a few minutes."

Deciding that pushing it any further would ruin the wonderful morning they had been having, Ruth turned into the front room and paused. In front of the cozy fire was what looked like every cushion, pillow and blanket in the house; stacked haphazardly to form a nest big enough for two. Curled on their own beds by the fire, Fidget and Scarlett looked up as she walked in then went back to sleep. Along the top of the impromptu resting place, the coffee table had been pushed closer and a pot of tea sat steaming between two tea cups. The TV; usually in the corner; had been moved next to the fireplace along with the DVD player.

Smiling she crossed to the front window and looked outside. The snow was still falling at a rate that made her cringe. While she loved snow small amounts were good enough for her. This was looking to be the monster of all storms. The weather man on the radio had given the latest update on the forecast with the snow continuing until early the next morning. There'd be a slight break from the storm but then the second storm brewing off to the west would move in. That was looking to be the worst of the two storms; a mixture of not only more snow but sleet and dropping temperatures. Shivering she let the curtain fall closed and turned back to the living room.

Harry had been busy while she'd been soaking in the bath he'd insisted she take. Not only had he confiscated all the bedding from the house and taken a shower in the guest bath, he'd seen to it that all of her things had been moved from the guest room to his; much to her displeasure in that he hadn't asked her first; started the fire and by the slightly damp fir still on Scarlett, he'd walked the dog again. Crossing to the cushions, she settled on the side closest to the fire; figuring that had been his plan as her pillow from the bed upstairs was resting at the top and her favorite throw from the reading room was lying on that side. Pulling the throw around her, she settled back into the pillows and waited; her eyes closing at the hiss of the fire.

Stopping in the doorway; tray balanced between his two hands; Harry watched her for a few moments. Her hair was damp from the bath he'd drawn for her the hour before after their second bout of love making in the kitchen. That was an experience he was unlikely to forget any time soon. Nor does he want to. Seeing her shift more into the cushions, he smiled and crossed the room, setting the tray on the table. Lowering himself onto the pillows, he lifted the side of her throw and slid under it, wrapping himself around her. Smiling, she turned into him, her head nuzzling against the fabric of his jumper.

"What took you so long?"

"I was making you breakfast."

Opening her eyes, she lifted her head and met his gaze. "You made me breakfast?"

"Yes. I can cook you know."

"Yes, tuna and crisps." she paused a moment, her eyes going slightly larger. "Please tell me we're not having tuna and crisps for breakfast?"

"Cheeky monkey." Sliding his hand down her back, he let it slide under the fabric of her knit shirt and to her side, his fingers pressing into the spot he'd found earlier; the one that made her squeal and squirm away from him.

"Harry! Stop!"

"Not until you take it back."

"No." Rolling on her side, she tried to escape from his moving fingers, only to find herself being tickled harder. Feeling the air leave her lungs from laughing too hard, she grasped his hand and tried to shift away.

"I'm not letting up until you take back what you said."

"Fine. I'd love tuna and crisps for breakfast. Now please stop."

"Thank you." Sliding his arms free, he reached for the tray and pulled it down to rest in front of them. "But we're not having tuna and crisps. We're having cinnamon French toast and yogurt."

"Bastard."

* * *

Fingers interlaced, they laid in the warmth of their nest; the credits of the DVD rolling to signal the end of the movie. Too content to move, Harry reached for the remote and turned off the DVD player, leaving the TV to quietly play the national news feed.

"Ruth?"

"Hmm?"

"You never..."

"I never what?"

"You never..." looking down, he saw her eyes were closed, a soft smile on her lips as she shifted closer. "you know what, never mind. We'll talk later."

Eyes slowly opening, she looked up at him. "I never what Harry?"

"The other night, you never got around to sharing what your biggest regret was. But don't worry about it, it's not important."

"Is your game of twenty questions really that important now that we've slept together?"

"Having sex was never going to be the prize for getting to know one another; it was just my way of trying to get us to open up more; to be honest with one another. Don't worry about it." Sliding his hand out of hers, he started to move away; needing to put some distance between them.

Sensing these questions were more important to him than she'd previously thought, she reached her hand out and snagged the back of his black jumper. "My step-brother." she said softly.

Pausing, he turned his head back and looked at her. "What?"

"My biggest regret. It's my step-brother. Or more to the point, what happened between us before I left that last time."

Not liking the way this was going, he leaned back into the pillows next to her. "Ruth? What happened?"

"Not that Harry."

"Okay. I'm not following than."

"You have to understand that even as a teenager I was not the most socially outgoing individual. I much preferred my books and music to parties and snogging random boys on street corners."

"Thank God for that." he muttered darkly.

Ignoring his comment for the moment, she turned and let her head fall against his chest, the steady rhythm of his heart offering comfort. "So it should come as no shock that I was quite limited in the friends department. There was Charles who I had known for some years and a few girls at the boarding school in France but not many. It annoyed my mother to no end. I was her biggest disappointment; the quiet, shy daughter who much preferred Tolstoy and Austen to Versace and Chanel. She'd married my father so she could be the wife of a doctor; much more socially acceptable than the wife of a Navy man. Her grandfather had been minor nobility; a Baron; but he'd died with no sons and my grandmother had married a merchant so it ended there." Pausing a moment to gather her thoughts, she felt his hand slide up to hers and squeeze it; his fingers interlacing with hers once again.

"It doesn't matter Ruth."

"But it does; especially when you meet her. She can be awful and I'm sure she'll throw it out there that I'm only with you to annoy her; that I truly don't care about you. But I do. So much."

Handing squeezing hers he held her closer. "I know you do." Leaning forward, he pressed his lips against her hair. "Go on."

"They had me less than a year after they were married and my mother was beside herself. Not only did I ruin her figure and interrupt her social climb through volunteering but my father doted on me. As I got older it was my father who game to school plays and piano recitals while mother was off with some ladies club or another. It was bad when he died. She barely gave me time to grief before I was bundled up and sent off to a school in western France. I was eleven. That first year I wasn't even allowed home during summer break; she was too busy _grieving_. Instead I spent them with my grandparents. It was a good summer. I didn't see mother again until the following Christmas holiday when I was finally allowed home. I found out she'd gotten remarried to David; the Navy man she'd passed over for my father. He was now a respectful barrister who was more than capable of keeping her in the lifestyle she was accustom to. He'd a son from a previous marriage. Funny enough, his names Peter too. Anyways over time Peter and I grew close; it was so nice having someone close to my age; a brother I'd never gotten from my own parents. I looked up to him; idolized him. The perfect big brother. Apparently though, he felt more than that. The summer I was 16 Peter was 18. Our parents were fighting that year; I don't remember why but it was bad. Peter suggested we get out of there and we went to Blackpool; let them fight it out. And at first it was. But after a day he tried to kiss me. When I pushed him away he confessed his love and begged me to give him a chance. God. It was awful Harry. He didn't understand that I had never thought of him that way; that I only saw him as an older brother. It ruined the relationship we had along with any relationship I had with my mother. I went back to the boarding school for my last year and then onto Oxford. He joined the military. I've always regretted going with him that weekend because maybe if we hadn't, he wouldn't have tried anything."

Holding her tighter, Harry rubbed his thumb in a circle on the back of her hand. "I'm so sorry Ruth."

"Don't." Lifting her head, she met his eyes. "What's in the past is in the past. I didn't tell you all that so you'd feel sorry for me. I told you that so you know what you're getting yourself into. I come with loads of family drama and I'll understand if you want to run now."

"So do I. Are you going to leave me because of it?"

"No."

"So what makes you think I'm going to leave you?"

"You're not."

"Damn right I'm not." Leaning up, he grabbed her lips with his in a short but exploratory kiss. "My turn for a question."

"That's a bit of a conversation jump."

"Not really. Because it's really just a yes or a no and goes with what we were just talking about."

Nervous, she shook her head. "Harry don't..."

"Hush. I want to and you're not going to stop me from asking. Ruth Evershed will you marry me?"

"Harry I can't..." Feeling him tense under her and watching as his face fell, she saw him pulling away. Her first instinct was the same, jump up and run to another room; hide until he got over this; but she realized if she did that she'd ruin any chance of a relationship working and last between them. Reaching up, she gripped his face gently in her hands, holding it in place so his eyes met hers. "Let me finish. I can't say yes yet even though I want to. It's too soon."

"Maybe in normal relationships it's too soon but when has ours ever been normal?"

"Harry, I'm not going to doom our relationship from the beginning. We've been dating for a month. If we get married now it's going to ruin things."

"We're living together Ruth. In case you hadn't noticed that. As of this morning we're sleeping together both in bed and body. How would being married be any different than things are now?"

"That piece of paper would change everything and you know it. Can you honestly tell me that your relationship with Jane didn't change when the two of you got married?"

"That was different."

"Maybe it was but it doesn't mean things wouldn't change between us either." Moving forward, she let her forehead drop against his, her lips hovering a breath above his. "Six months. That's all. If you still want to ask me to marry you in six months, my answer will be yes."

* * *

_**AN: Sorry for the delay everyone - works been crazy and then family came to visit. My apartment is nowhere near big enough for family to visit for a few nights. But that threw off the muses. I apologize now if this chapter made absolutely no sense - it's been written in bits and pieces with stolen moments over the past couple of days. This does spell the end of January unless there's anything else you can think of that needs addressing before the jump to February. =0) Thank you all for the reviews; you're all the greatest!**_


	14. The One That Almost Got Away

_February 11th_

_There are times I wish that I was wrong more often than not. It would make life a lot less painful. Six months ago Harry was on the verge of asking me out to coffee and me agreeing when he was called to a last minute meeting. He never got the chance to hear my answer; that I'd love to have coffee with him. With the disappointment I saw in his eyes, I went to his house that evening to tell him that I wanted to have coffee with him; see him outside of work. Only to find him in a compromising position with his ex-mistress. _

_Oh who am I kidding; it wasn't just compromising; they were basically fucking against his front door. Mouths on mouths, hands slipping under clothing to find bare skin, erotic sounds as one or the other found a sensitive spot to suck on, to fondle. And glutton for punishment that I am, I sat there and watched; watched as he flipped her back against his door and shoved his hands up under the skirt she wore. Watched as her head fell back against wood as what I can only guess was the moment his long fingers slipped inside of her, fondling her sex. And I could only watch as he finally pulled himself free long enough to unlock the door and shove her inside, up against a wall with one hand as his other fumbled with the buckle of his belt and the fly of his trousers. And I watched as he pushed himself into her before he managed to slam the door shut, the sound of her moaning forever burned into my mind._

_It should have been that moment; the second that my heart shattered with my realization that I was in love with him and he was with someone else; that I walked away. I tried; that's not the problem; but as emotionally devastated as I was, falling into a new relationship wasn't my best move. I know now that I should have declined Peter's advances. But at the time, all I wanted was to feel wanted and to forget the pain of falling in love. In hindsight I know things would never have lasted with Peter; even if he hadn't turned into the controlling, psycho man he ended up as. It couldn't have lasted; not when I was still in love with Harry._

_So much has happened in those six months. I tried to have a relationship with Peter. But his idea of a relationship and my insecurities doomed that from the start. It was only after things ended and he destroyed my house that Harry and I really started to talk. And my heart told me that it still was in love with him. Staying with him those first few weeks were awkward but lovely. For the first time in my life, I was living with a man; even if we did have separate rooms. It was so...domestic. We ate breakfast together most mornings, did our washings together, cooked together, and relaxed together on the evenings that allowed. There were even times we did the shopping together. I loved it. And I fell in love with him even more during that time._

_Even after the disaster that Peter reigned down upon us, I felt myself falling more in love with Harry. He was so different from the man on the Grid. And he demanded that we take things slow when I know from his history that slow is not in his everyday vocabulary. From tree hunting to ice skating and gift sharing, we took it slow. But my fear that he'd become bored pushed me to move things out of my comfort zone. Now I think I ruined it._

_Almost a month ago, we slept together for the first time. I won't lie and say it was romantic, slow and sweet because it wasn't. Nor was it frantic, mind-blowing and hard. It just...was. Was the best sex I've ever had but I'm sure it was just average for him. It was the first time a man has brought me to orgasm while inside of me which was infinitely more surprising than anything else. The second time we made love that morning; that was slow, mind-blowing, and unbelievable. First of all, I'll never be able to look at a kitchen counter the same way again. I've always thought cooking and the kitchen were two arousing things but that morning changed everything I've ever thought with it._

_It wasn't even in the way anything started. I think he was trying to prove a point; that he was a better lover than the first time showed him to be; and so he was a bit smug as he lifted me to the counter top. But that all changed as he lavished kisses all along my flesh; as he brought me to orgasm first with his fingers, than with his tongue and finally, the third time buried inside of me. Even after that hour in the kitchen, he continued to love me and take care of me. But something changed that day too. He asked me to marry him and while I tried to explain my answer of no, I don't think he fully understood my reasoning. And it broke us._

_I want to marry him. Not because he's the best lover I've had or because he's got some money put away or any number of other reasons; but because I love him and I love the way he makes me feel. Never have I been so relaxed, so content, so myself with another human being. He knows when I need silence just as I know when he needs silence and he knows when I need cuddle. Nights when I have trouble sleeping; when the nightmares of everything that's happened come back to plague me; a simple touch of his hand on my waist calms me enough to fall back asleep. Days when I rarely see him due to meetings or cases or some other crazy reason, butterflies fill my stomach at the end of the day when he does the simple act of him putting on his coat and holding his hand out to me to take me home._

_But that's all changed slowly the past month. It was gradual at first. A long meeting, an early morning meet, dinner with his daughter. But now it's gotten worse. More nights than not I find myself going to sleep alone; Harry not even in the house. I know he comes home at night; that he comes to our bed. He doesn't know I wake when he does it but as he climbs into the bed and settles on his side, he always presses a light kiss against the back of my hair, mutters that he loves me and slides his hand onto my hip as he falls asleep. But by morning he's gone, a note lying in front of the toaster that he's had to go in early. Aside from that gentle kiss and his hand on my hip, he hasn't touched me since that day in front of the fire._

_I can see in his eyes the way he watches me that he's still hurt about my answer. Never mind that I told him it was too soon in our relationship and that it'd ruin it. Apparently my saying not now has ruined it anyway. Every day he pulls further away and I know sooner rather than later he's going to leave. Not physically because I know him and he'll never ask me to leave but emotionally. And I don't know how to fix this. Because I know now is not the time to say yes to him; we're not ready for marriage. But I don't think there's any way of drawing him back to me without giving him that kind of commitment. And so I think we're over before we actually began._

* * *

Standing in the dining room, Ruth looked at the table and managed a small smile. Two days until Valentine's day; her least favorite 'holiday' of them all. She'd asked Harry to be home in time for dinner tonight; the first time in a month she'd asked anything of him and he'd agreed. A bit reluctantly but he'd agreed. Which gave her hope that maybe somehow they'd work through this. At ten of six she'd left the Grid with a final glance in his office. He'd been on the phone, the anger at whomever was on the other end evident in his posture and facial expressions but he'd nodded at her, his eyes softening for a moment before he'd thrown a file across the office and started yelling again.

Taking the bus, she'd made her way to the market closest to the house and gotten what she'd need to make the dinner she'd found online. She just hoped there'd be enough time to get everything prepared. The Veal Medallions with Apple-Thyme Sauce would only take twenty minutes to prepare or so; the sauce being the hardest and longest on that course. So she'd started with the Mashed Sweet Potatoes and Marsala knowing from the online recipe that it'd take almost two hours to prepare. Between that, the Artichokes with Roasted-Pepper Dip and Bitter Greens with a Tarragon Vinaigrette she'd been busy trying to prepare the ultimate Luxurious meal meant to bring two people back together. Or at least that's what the website claimed.

Now bordering on 9.30, she was waiting for Harry to come home. With how long dinner took, she hadn't expected to have time to shower but she'd been granted that luxury. Now she sat in the dining room waiting; four candles burning the only light in the room. Dinner was resting in the oven; keeping warm and on the verge of drying out. With a sigh, she looked up as the front door opened and the dog barked.

"Ruth?" he asked hesitantly.

"In here." she said softly.

Walking along the hall, he walked into the open door of the dining room and paused, his eyes settling on the woman sitting to one side of the table. In the candlelight he could make out the sparkling of her cerulean eyes, the hints of red mixed into the brunette curls framing her face. Her porcelain skin glowed in the flickering light, a canvas for the red of the dress currently hugging her curves. Stepping down the one step into the room, he crossed the room until he stood next to her. Lifting a hand, he ran a finger down the side of her face.

"What's all this?"

Smile faltering, she looked up at him.

"It's Valentine's Day."

"Not for another two days."

"Harry..."

Sitting down next to her, he sighed; knowing he had to do this now instead of later. "Ruth, we need to talk. This isn't working anymore."

And that was that. Stomach falling to the floor, Ruth realized what she'd been dreading was finally occurring. Damn the man. At least he'd done it now and not _on _Valentine's Day. Gripping the table tightly in her fingers, she pushed herself into a standing position.

"Right. I think that says it all. Nothing else we need to discuss. I. I'll sleep in the guest room tonight and be out of your way tomorrow."

"Ruth."

"It's alright Harry. I can't say I wasn't expecting this."

Reaching a hand out, Harry gripped her fingers tightly. Looking down at their joined hands, he traced a finger along the ring finger of her left hand. It was empty; something he longed to change. Sliding a hand in his pocket, he met her eyes.

"Ruth, I love you."

"But sometimes love isn't enough."

"And sometimes its everything."

Pulling his hand from his pocket, he fingered the ring he'd picked up on his way home before sliding it onto her finger. Tracing the twin bands with his thumb, he admired the white and rose gold as it rested against her skin. Deciding he'd made the right decision in avoiding the twin bands of solid gold, he smiled at the sight. Decidingly better than the naked finger of a few minutes before.

"Harry what?"

Lifting her hand, he pressed a kiss against the cool metal. "I want to marry you. Spend the rest of my life with you. Through the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, and when the terrorist try to blow up the country or Adam just finds some other trouble to get into. This month has been agony; yes of my own doing; but agony none the less. A month ago when I asked you to marry me, you said you couldn't; not yet. That it would change everything between us. You used the failure of my marriage to Jane as your reasoning. This last month; that's what almost my entire marriage to Jane was like. Only she didn't attempt to make things better by creating a wonderful pre-Valentine's evening dinner. Instead she pushed me into the arms of other women while seeking comfort in the arms of someone else; my best friend." Sliding his fingers between hers, he gripped her hand tightly. "I know you feel it's too early for me to ask you to marry me. I understand that. But will you comprise in a way that we're entirely too old for?"

Looking down at the hand gripped tightly in his, she saw the ring he'd slipped onto her finger. Feeling the weight against her hand, she looked back up at him. "How do you know the meals wonderful; you've not even tried it."

"You made it. But that's not answering my question. Will you compromise with me and accept this promise ring on the terms that in five months I can ask you to marry me?"

* * *

_**AN: Sorry for the delay; I've had a bit of a bout of pre-birthday depression coupled with some writer's block interestingly enough. Hopefully this makes up for it as I was originally going to end it when Harry told her it wasn't working anymore only to have Ruth move out. Thankfully I decided against that for this story. =0) Reviews are welcome even if they're telling me you hated it. Thanks to all who've reviewed this so far. Oh and if you'd like to see the ring Harry decided on for Ruth, just visit Tiffany's website and look for the Paloma's Calife double band ring.**_


	15. Dear Diary Part Two

_Last night Harry and I had a long talk after he pre-proposed to me before dinner. Starting with why he's been so distant the past month after I asked him to wait on proposing. It was a difficult conversation; neither of us are very good at expressing ourselves in non-work situations; but we muddled through. And got out into the open why it hurt him so much that I essentially told him no to getting married right now and why I __**am**__ saying no._

_Harry's afraid. Not something I was expecting him to say or even feel but it's the truth. He's afraid of so many different things that can affect our relationship and change things in the six months I asked him to wait. Things I never even thought of. Firstly; and the largest; is he's afraid I'm going to see him in a different light and leave him. His past is not the prettiest. He's had affairs, he's used women both for his personal and professional gain, he's lied, he's stolen, he's killed men, and other things he won't tell me about. I know the things he's had to do during the course of his career; while it bothers him greatly; I've read his file. So I not only came into this relationship with my eyes open but I also fell in love with the man he is; regardless of what he's done in the past._

_That's not to say it doesn't bother me. Growing up, when I thought about the man I'd one day fall in love with and spend my life with; because I know we're going to be together until one of us dies now; it did not involve a man who's killed others or who cheated on his first wife not once but upwards of twelve times. It does bother me and a large part of me does wonder if down the road will he seek relationships with others. After all, they say if you've cheated on someone once, what's to stop you from cheating on them again and again. Which he's done. But I've come to think that what we have together is different. I'm not Jane. What he does and the hours he works do not bother me. Because I do the same thing and I work just as long._

_Aside from being afraid that I'm going to leave him for his past sins, Harry's also afraid I'm going to leave him for someone younger with less baggage. What I tried to explain to him is I don't want someone younger. And in fact the age difference does not bother me. Yes he's quite a few years older than me and he was having children when I was still in school but I fell for the man; not the age. When it comes down to it, age is just a number and who really cares how much older he is than me. There are going to be people who comment on it. Many of them will be people we work with and come across if not in 5 then in the course of our dealings with some other branch of Government. But there are going to be just as many who comment about the fact that he's my boss and I'm only with him to advance my career. Again, he and I know that truth. That's what matters._

_Death also plays into this. Not only because he's older but because of what we do. Harry is so afraid that something is going to happen; that he's going to die and we'll be over before we get started. It's a fear I share with him. After all, my father died when I was eleven years old. I understand death so well. But we can't let that guide us. I'm not planning on dying any time soon and neither is he. Being married isn't going to change the __**way**__ I feel about him. It isn't going to change us living together, enjoying life together, making love together or anything else._

_I can understand his fears and his reasoning; even those I know he's still not voicing to me. And now that he's explained it, I can understand why he's pulled away from me this past month. It doesn't make me happy and it helped to prove my point that we're not ready for that next step yet. But I can understand better. And I'm not going to leave because that would be confirming his fears. Even if things become unbearable again._

_Once Harry explained his reasoning, he asked that I explain why I couldn't say yes to his proposal but I was willing to say yes to promising to marry him. In his eyes it's not that much of a difference and if I'm being honest with myself, it's not. But like him, I'm scared. And like the hypocrite I can be, it mostly has to do with what others are going to think. Six months ago the entire Grid saw Juliet give him head; what are they going to think if they find out not only are we in a relationship but that we're getting married? And yes, I know what they think shouldn't matter but I have to work with these people every day. The core team; Adam, Fiona, Danny, Malcolm, Colin, and Sam will know the truth; that I love him and he loves me but what about everyone else? They're going to think what people outside the department think; that I'm with him to further my career. And then there will be whispers behind the back and looks. I won't be able to handle it. And God forbid he has to get close to someone for a case. Then I'll get the pity looks._

_On top of that, __**everyone**__ knows what happened with Peter. That I was in a relationship with another man up until a few months ago. They also know the relationship did not end well and that the man turned into a stalker. Some already have whispered that I probably blew it all out of proportion for attention. It hurts to know that they think that way. More so with the court case coming up. After the last therapist I thought everyone knew that Harry and I were a couple but I was wrong. No one knows for sure. Some suspect but no one actually knows we're still living together or that we've moved past the beginning stages of dating. Wait. That's a lie. Mark knows. How can he not when more days than not he drives us in to work together or will drive me home on the bad nights when Harry's got to work late? But he doesn't say anything to anyone. And I think Adam suspects but he's not going to say anything._

_That's the other reason. I'm going to have to testify for Peter's court case before too long. A case that's going to decide whether he gets to continue enjoying his freedom or he'll be locked up for some time. With all that happened, my being engaged to Harry could throw the case. The first meeting I had with the Prosecutors office they asked if I was seeing anyone else yet. I could honestly say then that I wasn't. It was before Harry and I officially got together. They were happy with that and warned me that my getting into a serious relationship; or really any relationship; at this point could influence the case. The defense is looking for any reason to have the case thrown out. So Harry and I getting engaged could mean that Peter walks. _

_Of course I never explained that to Harry. I never told him anything about the case or what's been going on with the meetings I've had with the Prosecution. Which brought us to another conversation about trusting the other. A relationship isn't going to work if we're not sharing with the other. He's right. And we're both guilty of that fact. It's something we're both going to work on. Harry asked if perhaps he could come to another one of my weekly therapy sessions; especially now that I've found that I actually like this therapist and that he's not using the information against me. I was a bit shocked when he asked me. But like he said, he wants us to work and we almost imploded within the first two months. We need an outside opinion. A third party to help us where we both fail. I think I love him even more for that._

_For the first time in a month we went to bed together. It was innocent. We were both emotionally drained and physically tired by the time we'd finished the meal and headed to bed. But we were together. I wasn't going to sleep before he came home and he wasn't coming in later to whisper his love before going to sleep across the bed. Instead we went up together and while we got ready separately; thank goodness for two bathrooms; we crawled into bed at the same time. For the first time since that snow day, he kissed me goodnight. And while we fell asleep on our own sides of the bed, his hand was gripping mine tightly._

_And for the first time in a month when I woke this morning, Harry was wrapped around me. I asked him about that; how he could go from not touching me at all to migrating across the bed to wrap himself around me. And you know what, he had an answer. Turns out he migrates across the bed when he lets himself sleep soundly; that for the past month while he's been sleeping, he's not been sleeping too deeply. Which made me feel guilty. But he promised that it's something he's used too; that in his past, when he'd normally shared a bed with someone, he'd not allowed himself to sleep too deeply. At first I didn't believe him but instead of pushing it off, we both stayed and talked about it. And I felt a bit better. Alright, I felt a lot better to know that he trusts me enough to let himself sleep without check. As he wasn't leaving before I woke, we got to go back to sleep for another hour together._

_Waking up wrapped together does have consequences though. Good consequences though as we made love again this morning. Or rather Harry did all the work and I just laid there too limp to move after he caressed me to completion from a rather arousing dream. He was rather unbearable to start the day after realizing he'd brought me to orgasm with just a few flicks of his fingers the first time. Though I did manage to knock him from his high horse when I'd managed to get my thoughts back together and muscles under control enough to slide on top of him, teasing him until he'd just about growled and pulled me down onto his erection. I think we were both extremely happy this morning._

_His good mood only faltered after his last meeting of the day. Unlike days of the past month, I stayed late; wanting to go home with him. All through his weekly status meeting with Juliet I felt his eyes on me and I tried everything not to let the redness sink into my cheeks. He knew I knew he was watching though. And as their meeting drew to a close, he sent me an email asking if I was ready to leave. Not answering, I started cleaning up and was almost to the forgery suite when I heard Juliet ask Harry to dinner. He's taken to leaving the door open when he meets with her after the incident._

_I have to give the woman credit, she's persistent when she wants something. And she wants Harry again. He turned her down though; not too quickly so as to raise suspicion but he still turned her down. She kept trying though as dinner was not what she was really after and that's when she dropped her bomb shell on him. Juliet is pregnant. Harry and I both know it's not his as does Juliet. Not only is the timing way off but as Juliet threw out there, Harry never was one to sleep with someone without a condom. Her little joke of how he should have owned his own condom factory when he was sleeping with her, Jane, Elena and God knows who else in the 80's did make me pause a moment and wonder who Elena was. I kept moving though to put away the logs I'd been sorting for Malcolm and only heard the end of their conversation when Harry almost physically threw her off the Grid._

_But her visit was enough to prompt another long discussion on our way home. Realizing the faux paus of letting things sit, Harry insisted talking about this Elena woman. And the four year long affair that he had with her during his first marriage. I'm not going to lie. It hurt. Especially as I realized that not only was she an asset, she was a __**Russian**__ asset during a time when tensions were high. For them to carry on an affair for four years meant that there was feelings there. And he admitted as much. But like Jane, he said he only loved her; that he wasn't __**in**__ love with her; and that once it ended, he'd not thought of her again. What hurt more though was his admission that they had a child together. One he hasn't seen since he left her in Berlin._

_That made me wonder what kind of man could leave his child like that; never to have any contact with them or know how they're doing. I think Harry sensed that I was pulling back because he pressed on and laid everything out. How he tried to bring Elena and Sasha back with him but ultimately she decided not to. That __**she**__ cut him out of his sons life; that her final parting shot was that Sasha was not his. But he didn't know. DNA tests weren't as common then as they are now and he never had the chance to see if the boy was really his or was in fact her husband's. I could sense that wasn't everything though as Harry seemed down. And at this point, I could really curse Juliet. If she wasn't pregnant with her demon spawn I could even slap her. Because she brought forth old wounds that he tried to forget about._

_Harry admitted to me tonight that he's not sure if Catherine is in fact his. He's never done the test because he truthfully doesn't want to know if she's not but there's a large chance that she's not. During their marriage Harry was not the only one having an affair though in her defense, Jane only had one affair and she wound up marrying the man once her first marriage was over. But the affair did start within the first year of their marriage. When Catherine was born, Harry didn't think she wasn't his. It wasn't until after the divorce and Jane threw out there that Graham probably wasn't that Harry started to worry. Jane insisted on a DNA test for Graham after all the troubles in his teens and it turned out he was in fact Harry's but it did make him think about Catherine. Especially after she dropped his last name and took on Jane's._

_But as he said, he doesn't want to know. It scares him to think that she might not be. For a man who has faced death on any number of occasions, the thought that his little girl might not actually be his made him cry. And for that, I might just slap Juliet the next time I see her. There was nothing I could say to him once he admitted that. The only thing I could do was offer comfort. Something he grabbed onto. He's asleep right now next to me on the couch but I don't have the heart to wake him. While we'll both probably regret it come morning, I think we're staying here tonight._

_._

_**AN: Hopefully this isn't too out of character and answers some questions that you had in your reviews. If it didn't answer your questions, let me know and I'll try to address them next time around. Thank you all for your reviews and hopefully this wasn't as depressing as the thought that I almost broke them up. Tomorrow night has been dedicated to catching up on all your wonderful stories so there probably won't be another update until the weekend.  
**_


	16. Baby Steps

Dawn was just breaking when Ruth opened her eyes. It was quiet; the early Saturday morning had yet to rouse many Londoners from their beds. As she was off for the day, there was no reason for her to be awake. It hadn't been the alarm; that hadn't been set the night before as neither had to be in work; and it hadn't been her internal clock; she had no trouble sleeping on her days off. And it wasn't the cold; even though it was a bit more so than normal. No, it was none of those. So what had woken her? Rolling onto her side, she reached a hand out for Harry and instead found empty air. Frowning, she lifted her head and looked around the room.

"Harry?" she asked, finding him sitting in the chair by the window.

"Hmm?"

Sitting up, her frown deepened as he stared out the window, lost in thought. "What's wrong?"

Shaking his head as though clearing his mind, he turned and offered a smile. "Just...thinking about Juliet."

Sliding from the bed, she padded barefoot across to him, her arms wrapping around her body for warmth. Stopping in front of him, she lifted a hand and ran it through his short hair. After all they had been through the past few months, she knew he wasn't contemplating his relationship with her. Which meant it was something else. "Still thinking about all her little announcement has stirred up?"

"Well, I am still finding it hard to wrap my mind around. Juliet is pregnant. God, I don't think that woman has a maternal bone in her body. Her husband had to have paid a small fortune to that private clinic for them to even consider trying in vitro; let alone implanting multiple fertilized eggs."

"That's what I don't get. If they've been married for over twenty-five years why do this now; why not earlier?"

"It was a marriage of convenience; at least on Juliet's part. Jonathan was actually in love with her I think but Juliet only saw him for his money and the prestige that came with marrying him. I do know he wanted children though; to carry on his family legacy. That came out during our affair but Juliet didn't. Through all her affairs, she did everything possible to keep from getting pregnant. I'm sure at this point he gave her an ultimatum; have a child via any means possible or lose everything. She's so used to her lifestyle, the inconvenience of carrying a child for nine months would be worth it."

Running a hand over his face, he reached a hand out to her hip. Rubbing his finger in a circle, he slipped back into his earlier thought.

"Hey, it's not anything you need to worry about as terrifying as the thought might be. Certainly not enough to warrant being awake this early."

"It's not that that's got me thinking."

"Than what's wrong?"

Sliding his hand to her back, he lifted his other in a lose hug and pulled her close until she folded herself into his lap. Resting her head on his shoulder, she looked up at him.

Holding her close, he smiled at the feeling of her in his arms. To think, because of their limited communication skills they almost lost this. Kissing her hair, he let his forehead rest against her head as his eyes closed.

"Harry?"

"Her being pregnant...got me thinking."

"About?"

"Kids. Us. Our future. We haven't exactly been careful this past month."

"I don't know, I always thought abstinence was the best form of birth control." Smiling, she kissed the side of his jaw.

"Cheeky. I'm being serious here. We've practiced the exact opposite of safe sex. There's a chance we could be pregnant." Absentmindedly running his hand across her stomach, he watched the steady rise and fall of her chest.

"And that would be a bad thing." she half asked, half stated.

"Would it?" he asked back?

"I asked you first."

"I know, but it's important to me that I know what you're thinking." Reaching down, he gripped her hand.

With a sigh, she cuddled closer. "I've never really thought about it. I mean, yes, I've always wanted children but it's not like I've actually ever been in a relationship long enough for that to happen. To me it's always been something to happen one day. But now..."

"Now?"

Looking up at him, she thought she heard hope in his voice but wasn't sure. Squeezing his hand, she met his eyes. "It's as good as done that we're going to get married. With your will power, it'll be sooner rather than later. It only goes to reason that you'll be the father of my children."

"So you want children with me?"

"I...Harry, what's this about?"

"Please, just answer the question."

"Yes."

"Oh thank God."

"I take it you want to have children with me too?"

"I know I've...screwed up in the past. That I was an awful father to my first two that share my name; that there is a possibility that there's another child somewhere in Russia who's my son. And I honestly never thought about having another child. It wasn't important; not something I thought about. But since our talk that night Juliet told me about being pregnant - I've thought about you being pregnant; about us having a child together. And I like it."

Smiling, she let her head fall back against his shoulder. "I'm not used to open Harry but I must admit, I'm liking it."

Kissing her head again, he smiled. "I've told you, I want us to work. No more hiding."

"We agree on that. But you should know, I'm not pregnant."

"You're sure?"

"Well, I wasn't before Valentine's Day. So I suppose there's a slight possibility but really, what are the chances?"

Shifting his arms under her he stood. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she held onto him as he crossed to the bed. Placing her down in the sheets, he followed her, his lips going to her neck.

"Harry, what are you doing?"

"Increasing the odds."

* * *

_**AN: Hi all. Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up; I've been unsure where I was going with this. Hopefully I know and it won't be too long between updates. :) Thank you all for the wonderful reviews. Let me know what you think about this bit and if you have any ideas where this should go, please let me know. I'm looking for some inspiration and would love to know where others would like to see this go. Or at least what you'd like to see.  
**_


	17. There's a Line we Never Cross

It had come to amaze her the number of people who utilized the services of the Mental Health Department within the service. It wasn't just those who worked in the field but office staff as well as family members. She'd known that counseling was available but not to the degree that it was. More because she'd been careful to avoid not only talk of the benefit but the floor as well. It was easier to not venture up there than get sucked into one of the rooms.

When had Mental Health gotten such a stigma? That it was a sign of weakness to get help. That you couldn't cut it in your specific job functions. Which meant that a lot of people believed if you free willingly sought out the assistance of those upstairs, you'd find yourself on the unemployment line. She had believed that. Probably still would if she was forced to take sessions with that _woman_ who had been here before. But this new social worker was better. More understanding. More human.

As it was she was sitting here of her own free will. Her normal appointments were in the morning; cut out of her work schedule every Monday. But she'd had to reschedule due to a work emergency. Isaac had been more than just a little understanding, offering to just skip the appointment completely. After all, work emergencies were a valid reason to miss these appointments in the eyes of HR. But she hadn't wanted to miss this week's session. And so he'd given her the option of coming in that night at seven.

She'd opted for the later appointment. Harry had a meeting with the DG over the latest stunt the Home Office had pulled. It was that stunt which had caused their frantic day of searching and chasing leads that didn't exist. A waste of time and resources in not only the eyes of herself and fellow work mates but also for Harry. And so he was going to make his point known and wouldn't get done until late. Her plan had initially been to go to the book store closest to home and browse for a bit but the therapy session was better. There wasn't anything she _needed_ at the book store. Not now anyways.

This was why she was currently sitting in the waiting room next to a toddler and his coloring book. No parent. Just the toddler. Of course with the security in the building it was highly unlikely that anyone would just walk off with him. But still. Who left a toddler sitting on the floor of a waiting room coloring? Alone aside from a strange woman and the receptionist? Were people still that trusting? She didn't think she could be anymore. Not after all she had seen.

Ruth had brought a book to read but the sight of the toddler had gotten her thinking. Not only about who could leave such a small, innocent, and vulnerable human being out in the open with not protection but also about a baby. A baby with Harry. What they would look like. Would they have his fair hair and dark eyes? Or maybe her darker hair and lighter eyes? Or could they be a combination of both? His light hair and her light eyes? Or her dark hair and his dark eyes? Maybe neither but some other genetic cocktail that was purely a unique human being with no physical ties to either of their parents?

And speaking of genetics what kind of personality would their child have? Or life? They both saw things that would traumatize a normal person. They didn't work normal hours or even normal days. Their social life was highly limited and their circle of friends even more so. Would it even be fair to bring a child into the chaos that generally surrounded them? Adam and Fiona had done so. And they were making it work. Albeit with a few road blocks but it was working. And Wes was a well adjusted, fun loving little boy. But neither of them were the Head of Section D or his Senior Analyst. People didn't talk about them behind their back. Or if they did, it was always about how happy they looked; how much in love they were. That wouldn't happen with Harry and her. It wouldn't be their luck.

When they did have a child together would she have to leave her job"? She loved what she did. Loved reading over the information and finding connections that helped the others. Loved digging through data, slipping into places she shouldn't be and finding something that would solve the greater puzzle. She was good at it, even excelled. And yes would she have to leave? Would Harry even consider her continuing to work or would she have to give everything up? And if she didn't was she condemning their child to a life without either of its parents?

She was confused. She wanted a child with Harry. Knew it in her heart. It was her mind that was doubting it. Trying to talk her out of it. But unlike her fear of Harry leaving her she knew he would never leave their child. The fear that had her saying wait to Harry about marrying him wasn't there when she thought of a baby. She knew how torn up he was over his relationship with his children. Knew how he suffered from the mistakes that he had made. And she knew that he had learned from those mistakes. Any child they had together would have two loving parents in their life and would know it. Even if Harry and her weren't together.

That was why it was so easy to say yes to having a child with him when she couldn't say yes to marrying him. When she'd gone into this relationship she had gone into it with the intent of enjoying it while it lasted. Taking everything she could. She knew that there was no one else for her but Harry. Loving someone; trusting someone; wasn't easy for her. This was it. Harry was the end for her. And she wanted a child. Wanted children. Wanted a little person who would share her unconditional love even with her eccentric-ness; someone to nurture and care for and watch grow. This was her chance.

Two months into this relationship might seem soon. It was. But she'd been in love with Harry for months. Maybe even years. She couldn't pin point the exact moment she'd fallen in love with him; it had just happened. And so two months was nothing. Anyone else and she'd never consider it. Wouldn't even think about it for months. Funny how things worked.

* * *

"I'm glad you came in Ruth. We really need to talk about this." Shifting in his chair, Isaac looked over his glasses at the woman sitting across from him.

"We really don't. I just thought it was important to keep you up to date on what's been going on in my life. That's what I'm supposed to be doing right?"

Looking up from his pad of paper, he nodded and smiled. "Yes but most people don't spend the first twenty minutes telling me how they've gone from barely talking to the man they're in a relationship with to promising to accept their proposal in five months time and having a child with the same man."

"We're not pregnant yet."

"No, you're not. But you just told me that you want to be. That Harry wants to be."

"Yes but there is a difference."

"I know there is. A small one but a difference none the less. But I need you to help me to understand something."

Folding the blue and cream cushion into her lap, she looked towards him; not at him; and nodded.

"Help me understand your reasoning."

"What's there to understand?"

"Harry asked you to marry him?"

"Yes, he did. Twice."

"And you told him no."

"I told him not yet. There's a difference."

"Again yes, there's a small difference but it's still a no at this point in time."

"I told him - promised him - that I'd say yes if he asks me again in five months."

"So you won't marry him right now?"

"I can't."

Pulling his glasses from his face, he held them in his hand and watched her. "But you can have a child with him? Want to even?"

"Having a child and getting married is two totally different things. It's entirely too early to even consider getting married."

Tapping the arm of his glasses against his lips, he thought for a moment before speaking. "But you don't think it's too soon to have a child together?"

"I...it's just...the reasons not important. Anyone but Harry and it'd be too early but this is _Harry_ we're talking about."

"Ruth, I'm not judging you. Honestly. I'm trying to understand how one is different than the other. For most people, having a child together would be a bigger commitment."

Fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, she nodded and looked down. "It is."

"So you want to make a commitment to Harry? Just not marriage?"

"I...just. I don't know!"

"If you're not sure than having a child together is not what you want to be doing. Not until you're sure."

"I am sure about committing to Harry. I'm just scared."

"What are you scared of? That he'll leave you if you don't agree to having a child now? Because from what you've told me about him, that doesn't seem likely. He's not going to force you to do anything your uncomfortable with."

"No, that's not it. I'm not scared of having a child with him. The idea has been growing on me. And I like it. It's like this warm feeling inside. That he cares about me enough to want to procreate."

Folding his glasses, he placed them on the table next to him. "Than what are you scared of? I can't help you unless you tell me. Contrary to popular belief, I can't read minds just because I'm a therapist."

Tracing the pattern on the pillow, she thought for a moment before lifting her eyes and meeting his for the first time this session.

"I'm scared of him leaving me. He has no plans of doing that. He's told me that repeatedly; but he's him and I'm me. One day he's going to realize that and leave."

"What do you mean by that?"

"What do you mean?"

"That he's him and you're you. What do you mean?"

"Harry's a force of nature. It's the only way to describe him. You wouldn't know it by looking at him to begin with but he is. He's comfortable as he is. Which is great. I love that about him. He's confident, intelligent, humorous when the situation warrants, loving and compassionate at the right times. He's also a skilled actor. Able to keep his feelings and emotions to himself for the most part. He's a skilled lover. Knows what he wants and goes after it. Keeps going after it until it's his. I'm none of that."

"Ruth you're selling yourself short."

"I'm not. I know I'm intelligent. I know I'm good at my job. But confident? Loving? Emotionless in the right situations? Skilled at anything besides my job? I'm not. I know that. I bring so little to this relationship. Even the house we're living in is his. Almost everything in the house is his. One day he's going to wake up and realize he's getting the short end of the deal."

"I see. Have you told Harry any of this?"

"Yes. Some." Looking down at her lap, she brushed a hand over the fabric of her skirt.

"And what did he say?"

"That he knows what he feels for me. That it's different then what he's felt for any other woman. He loves me for me. Not for any other reason. That the only thing I need to bring to this relationship is me. Everything else is secondary. That he knows he's had affairs before. Cheated on his first wife constantly. And he gets why I'm hesitant with that but he's changed. Grown. And loves me in a completely different way than he ever loved Jane."

"Then why don't you trust him?"

"What? I do trust him."

"Obviously you don't or this wouldn't be as big a deal as it is. He says he loves you, wants to take care of you, provide for you. That he wants nothing but you. Basically that nothing else matters to him but you. But you don't believe him."

"I do trust him. More than I've ever trusted anyone before. I trust him with my life."

"Then take the risk."

Confused, she looked up.

"You love and trust him. What else for you need? A guarantee? If that's what you're waiting for you're not going to get it. Or if you do it'll be a lie. Because life is not a guarantee. It's about living life for the moment that you're in. Grasping onto what you want; onto that piece of happiness; and running with it. None of us know what tomorrow is going to bring but I do know if you keep holding back because of this fear, you will lose him. It will drive a wedge between you that is unrepairable. So if you're willing to have a child with him; what to be with him; than marry him."

"But what about what everyone else thinks?" Voicing her other worry.

"What about them?"

"So much has happened in the last six months. People are already talking about it. Saying how I've made it all up for attention. That I've brought all this on myself. What are they going to say when Harry and I suddenly get engaged?"

"Does it matter? Let them talk."

"But I work with a lot of these people. See them on an almost daily basis. Interact with them."

"Are you marrying them? Or are you marrying Harry?"

"Harry but..."

"There's no but about it. This is between you and Harry. No one else. What they think doesn't matter."

"It's not that simple."

"Ruth we can go round and round till we're blue in the face. But it's not going to change anything. Let me ask you something and you can only answer yes or no. Do you love Harry?"

"Yes."

"Do you see yourself with anyone but Harry?"

"No."

"Do you want to marry him one day?"

"Yes."

"Will you change your mind about marry him in five months?"

"No but..."

Shaking his head, he lifted his hand and paused for a moment. "Yes or no Ruth. That's it. Do you love Harry?"

Frustrated at having to repeat herself, she nodded. "Yes."

"Do you see yourself with anyone but Harry?"

"No."

"Do you want to marry him one day?"

"Yes."

"Will you change your mind in five months?"

"No."

"Does Harry love you?"

"He says he does."

"You're an intelligent woman Ruth so I shouldn't have to repeat myself. Yes or no. That's it. No reasoning, no thinking. Yes or no. That's all that should come out of your mouth. Now, do you love Harry?"

"Yes!"

"Do you see yourself with anyone but Harry?"

"No."

"Do you want to marry him one day?"

"Yes."

Will you change your mind in five months?"

"No."

"Does Harry love you?"

"Yes."

"To the best of your knowledge does he see himself with anyone but you?"

"No."

"And will he change his mind about marrying you in five months? Yes or no."

"No."

"Does he want to marry you?"

"Yes."

"So the basic theme here is you and Harry both love each other; no one else; and neither of you can see yourself with anyone else. You both want to be together and we've established you both want to be married. It's as simple as that. You're over thinking it and making it more than it needs to be. You and Harry should be together."

With a sigh, she realized he was right. It was that simple and five months wasn't going to change anything. There was just one other thing..."

"What about the trial?"

"What about it? You being with Harry shouldn't effect that."

"But the prosecution said..."

"Ruth not to downplay any of this but your relationship with Harry is minor in the grand scheme of things. Whether you are in a loving relationship with a man you're going to marry or not should not affect a trial. If it does than someone hasn't been doing their job."

"I was told any relationship could change things."

"What does it change? You were in a relationship with Peter. He got violent. You ended things. He didn't take that very well and started stalking you. Kidnapped you. Burned down you house and eventually tried to strangle you to death with his hands. You were single through all that. You didn't cheat on Peter or lead him on. And even if you did, it gives him no right to do what he did."

"I...you're right."

"Good. Now, we still have another ten minutes. What else has been going on?"

* * *

The lights were on as Ruth parked the SUV in the drive way. Harry was home. Climbing from the vehicle, she pulled her coat tighter and hurried up the path. Winter was at its peak and though the snow had stopped falling, the temperatures were still dropping. Climbing the steps, she placed her key in the lock and opened the door. Shutting it behind her, she reset the alarm and shrugged out of her coat. The house was warm; inviting; and she could hear Harry in the kitchen.

Walking down the hall she paused in the doorway and watched. It wasn't every night he beat her home. Most nights, if she wasn't home first, than they came home together. Which meant she normally prepared their dinner. On the rare occasions he had gotten home first, take away was on the menu. But not tonight. Tonight Harry was in the kitchen, shirt sleeves rolled up to show his forearms and untucked from his trousers. Shoes gone, he stood in his stocking feet, his back to her. Sure it looked like they were having tuna and crisps for dinner but that didn't matter. Harry was making it.

Without turning around he spoke. "How was therapy?"

Not asking how he knew she was there, she took a deep breath and smiled at his back. "Marry me."

* * *

_**AN: I know, evil place to end. But it seemed like such a perfect place. =0) Many people questioned how Ruth could come to have a child with Harry but think it's too soon for them to get married. I hope this helped explain it some. Thank you all for the reviews, I'm positively blown away by the feedback I've gotten so far; both good and bad; and I'm happy to see people reading it.**_


	18. You'd Better Put a Ring on It

Not asking how he knew she was there, she took a deep breath and smiled at his back. "Marry me."

He paused, sandwich in hand as she spoke. He hadn't heard her right. He was tired. They'd been woken at 12:30 the night before by a red flash that had taken all night and most of the day to sort out. Little sleep, Grid coffee, and horrid fake sandwiches from the cafeteria which had been followed by a meeting with the DG who spent the time split between belittling Harry and his team and cursing the Home Office.

He was delirious. Or asleep. Dreaming. That was the only plausible explanation. There was no way those two words had come out of her mouth. He wasn't that lucky. Not now. Not with the day he'd been having. No doubt about it, he'd misheard her. Until she spoke again.

She'd stunned him. That much she could tell. He hadn't been expecting that and now he was speechless. "Harry, will you marry me?" The silence drug on as he stood with his back to her, the sandwich still poised over the plate.

Fear gripped her. Maybe he was horrified. He might not be speechless. She'd turned him down. Twice. What man would want to marry someone after being rejected...twice? Isaac was wrong. She wouldn't drive a wedge between them; she already had. What they had was it. A promise. Nothing more. Could she live with that?

Very slowly Harry lowered the sandwich to the plate. Wiped flakes of tuna on a dish towel from his hands. And slowly; ever so slowly gripped the counter. Lowered his head. Closed his eyes. And took a few calming breaths.

"Are you dying?" he asked softly, eyes still closed.

"What?" Confused, she took a tentative step into the kitchen. "No I'm not dying."

"Am I dying?"

"No, not that I know of."

Nodding his head once, he continued. "Are either of us being dismissed?"

"No." Stepping further into the room, she slowly crossed the wooden floor until she was an arm's length from him.

Releasing a final deep breath, Harry opened his eyes and looked up at the mosaic tile on the wall, his back still to her.

"Were you abducted and/or injected with any kind of chemical agent on the way home from your therapy session? Or threatened with harm in any way if you did not come into our house and ask me to marry you?"

"No and no."

"Oh thank God."

Finally turning around; goofy grin filling his face; he looked at her. And saw the fear, the rejection begin to slip from her features. She asked him to marry her. She said those two words to him. Tonight. Not five months from now but tonight. _ Marry me._ In a heartbeat. There was nothing he wanted more in that moment than to marry her. Except maybe kiss her. And make love to her. Repeatedly through the night. And every other night for the next forty years.

So many thoughts filled his in the minute he stood there staring at her. So many different and wonderful things that he didn't know which one to grasp onto first. So he chose them all.

Reaching his hand out to her, gripped her arm and pulled her towards him;, his other hand going up to cradle the back of her head. As her body met his, he leaned his head down, his mouth hovering over hers as he stared into her eyes. Lips hovering just over hers he smiled. "Yes."

And then he kissed her. Slowly, thoroughly, heart bursting with love and his soul feeling like it could dance the rumba, he kissed her. Teeth pulling on her bottom lip, he felt her mouth part under his and he slipped his tongue inside, let it dance with hers as she sighed softly. Tangling his fingers in her hair, he gripped her hip tightly and pulled her closer. Cradling her again him, he carefully began walking her backwards; stopping as the hard wood of the table pressed into her back.

Tearing his mouth away from hers, he twirled locks of her hair around his fingers and pulled gently, tilting her head back. Leaning down, he let his lips trail over the jut of her jaw; along the curve of her neck. He felt her pulse racing as he placed hot, open mouthed kissed against her skin and felt himself harden as she moaned deep in her throat. Nipping the skin at the base of her neck, he let his lips and tongue sooth over the redness before continuing his journey southward.

As his mouth roamed, he slid the hand gripping her hip down her leg, fingers gripping the material of her skirt and inching it upward. Meeting the warmth of the skin beneath, he spread his hand out, caressing the inside of her thigh. She gasped as his fingers kneaded against her softly skin, sliding slowly up and under the edge of her knickers. Stroking a finger through her delicate folds, he groaned at how wet she already was. Sliding a finger inside her warmth, he stroked her, building her to climax quickly.

"Harry." she moaned, back arching as he brushed his thumb against her clitoris.

"Let go." he muttered against her throat, lips sliding upwards to press a light kiss against her mouth. "Let go for me Ruth."

Flicking his thumb again, he watched as she arched her back, mouth forming an oh as she tensed in orgasm. Before she had time to come down from her pleasure high, he removed her knickers along with his pants and boxers and pressed his erection into her warm heat. Groaning at the feeling of her tightness surrounding him, he pulled out and pressed back into her again.

Lifting her onto the table, he continued pressing into her, setting a frantic pace as he built her to her second climax. Using a hand, he grasped her hands above her head, leaned over and pressed a hard kiss against her lips. Feeling her muscles tightening around him, he thrust into her, his free hand brushing against her clit again. Body lifting off the table she cried out as she came again, more powerfully than the first time. One final thrust and he felt himself go over the edge, his face buried against her chest.

.

The first thing she noticed as she came to was that they were no longer lying on the kitchen table. Or if they were, they'd changed positions. Opening her eyes, she found herself lying on Harry's chest, his hand running gently through her hair. Lifting her head, she looked up at him and smiled, noticing for the first time they were in their bedroom.

"Hi."

Brushing her hair from her face, he smiled back. "Hi. Are you alright?"

Stretching aching muscles, she nodded, feeling the sheets brush against her back. "Yes. Though I seemed to have misplaced my clothes."

Smirking he wrapped both arms around her back as she rested her chin on his chest, blue eyes meeting his. "Hmm. That's strange. I seemed to have misplaced mine too. Guess I'll just have to wear you."

Pushing herself up, she brushed her lips against his. "I love you."

Hand sliding down her spine, he let it rest against the curve of her backside. Smiling, he kissed her gently. "I love you too."

Resting her head in the curve of his neck, she smiled, lazily drawing circles on his chest. They stayed like that for a bit, enjoying the feeling of being in each other's arms.

"Ruth?"

"Harry?"

"I've been thinking about what you asked me earlier in the kitchen and my answer. I don't think that's going to work."

Lifting her head from his neck, she stared at him, disbelief on her face. "What?"

Grinning, he grasped her left hand to his and pressed his lips against her ring finger. "You asking me to marry you. It's not going to work." Lifting her hand in front of her face, he showed her the ring he'd slid onto her finger while she'd been in le petite mort. A single diamond in the center with two smaller ones on each side, the band matched the one he had placed there earlier in the week. Grin on his face, he continued.

"The rings a bit too delicate for my tastes. And while it might have been a bit presumptuous of me, I thought this time I'd risk it and put the ring on you before asking. Will you marry me Ruth?"

Looking at her hand, she felt a smile tugging at her lips. The ring was gorgeous. Understated. Something she would have picked for herself if she were picking her own ring. Though she was a bit upset that she'd been unconscious when he'd placed the ring on her finger. Lifting her lips to his, she kissed him.

"Yes."


	19. FMLYHM

_**AN: Basically just a smut filled chapter to tie up February and their getting engaged before moving onto March. I blame Harry muse for this one.**_

* * *

The pre-dawn light was just beginning to creep into their bedroom. Outside, those who worked the late shifts were just making their way home, the quiet of the night about to give way to the commotion that was a Tuesday morning. In the sitting room two animals slept, curled together in the bed closest to the radiator. Lying on the hardwood next to them, the remains of a forgotten tuna sandwich sat, a paw print set in the middle of the soft bread.

Upstairs, wrapped in not only the duvet but each other, two people slept. Exhaustion had forced them to seek sleep in the wee hours of morning but not before they'd spent the night celebrating the conquering of fears and new chances.

For Harry it meant the chance to start afresh. To prove not only to himself but the outside world that while he had made mistakes in the past, he had learned from them. And would do every not to repeat them. Not that their opinion mattered. It didn't. Ultimately only the two who were even now joined in sleep mattered.

But that wasn't the only change. For Ruth, a greater means had been accomplished. For the first time in recent years she was putting aside the walls of solitude she had built as protection. She was opening herself up to something new, something exciting and letting herself not only love but be loved. While not realizing it, she'd hidden herself to protect against the pain of losing a loved one again but no more.

It was amazing what one simple question and answer could do for two people.

As the clock switched from 4.59 to 5.00, Harry twitched in his light sleep and sighed. It'd been years since he had spent hour upon hour making love to a woman and he was feeling it. Not that he was complaining. Because he wasn't. It was a pleasant ache that had settled in his muscles and were it not for a breakfast meeting with the Prime Minister and Home Secretary, he'd call off work and spend the day in bed. With Ruth.

Opening his eyes, he squinted at the clock on the far nightstand and smiled. The meeting wasn't until 8. That meant his ride would arrive around 7 to take him to Downing Street. Which meant he had another hour. An hour which he planned to put to good use, enjoying the suppleness of his new pillow. Ruth's chest really was more comfortable than the expensive down pillows he had on his bed.

No that was wrong. Not his bed; _their_ bed. Though he really wasn't in the mood to contemplate all that was to become theirs instead of his and hers. Not when the nipple of Ruth's left breast was tantalizingly close to his parted lips. Nor when his left hand was resting so comfortably around her right. No, contemplating would be a waste of this early morning hour.

Smile still on his face, Harry swept his tongue outward and brushed it against the erect nipple. Breathing lightly, he watched as the skin harden and lifted his eyes. Waiting a moment, he watched to see if Ruth would awaken but as she slept on, he smirked. Waking her up this morning would be a delight.

Moving his head forward a fraction, he encircled the puckered flesh with his lips and sucked gently, his left hand squeezing her other mound. Feeling her shift under him, he continued his kneading and sucking, his right hand brushing against her hip. Pulling his lips upwards as he sucked hard, he watched as her nipple sprung free from his lips and she sighed. Lifting his eyes, he met her lust filled ones and grinned.

"Good morning," she whispered, voice a heavy mix of sleep and arousal.

Not answering, he swept his lips sideways, planting a row of light kisses from one breast to the next. Opening his mouth, he swept his tongue around the darker skin of her areola and heard her gasp. Circling the area twice, he suddenly moved his open mouth over the hardened peak. Brushing his tongue against the sensitive skin, he wrapped his teeth around it and bit tenderly.

Biting back a moan, Ruth tilted her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation he was creating. Already the ache of overused muscles was disappearing; being replaced with arousal. Sliding her hands along the firm muscle of his shoulders, she brushed them against the back of his neck and twisted her fingers in the curls there.

Placing a final kiss against her breast, he slowly started trailing a path of kissed southward across the flesh of her stomach. Reaching the indent of her belly button, he swirled his tongue around once before continuing his trek southwards. Feeling her fingers pulling gently on his hair, he lifted his head and met her eyes.

"Not this morning," she said hoarsely, her hands tugging him upwards.

Sliding up her body, he smiled as his lips caressed hers. Pulling back, he settled his leg between hers, his thigh resting against her warm heat as his erection pressed against her hip. "Good morning."

"Hmm. It is. Enjoying yourself?" Moving a hand from behind his neck, she brushed her fingers against his cheek.

"Immensely. Though I think I'll be enjoying myself even more so in a few minutes."

"You're insatiable. I don't know if I can move after the four times last night."

"It's a good thing you don't have to then." he said, grinning as he moved his mouth to hers.

Fingers brushing against the skin of her stomach, he felt the muscles underneath contract and was about to move his hand lower when his phone rang. Groaning, he kissed her a moment longer before pulling his head back. Reaching a hand out towards the nightstand, he grasped the phone and flipped it open.

"What?"

Listening for a few moments, his expression changed from irritation to concentration, his fingers resting against Ruth's stomach sliding back and forth.

"No. We need to find him. Red flash the team. I'll be there within the hour."

Hanging up the phone, he turned back towards the woman in his arms.

"We have to go." Her statement more matter of fact than a question.

"I'm afraid so. Ari Gaidea cleared passport control four hours ago. Our watchers lost him two hours after that."

Nodding, she slid a hand down between them and grasped his hardened length. "You can't go like this."

Groaning, he pressed his forehead against hers. "I'll be fine."

"No, you won't." Lifting her mouth to his, she kissed him hard. "And neither will I. Be quick."

"Ruth..."

"Just shut up and fuck me."

Gaping at her bluntness for a moment, he suddenly shook his head and shifted so he was covering her. Never one to deny her, he kissed her firmly and pushed into her hard. Moaning at the feeling of him stretching her, Ruth arched her back and wrapped her legs around his hips. Finger nails digging into the flesh of his shoulders, she met him thrust for thrust; pulling him deeper. Free hand finding her clitoris, he pressed his thumb down hard as her inner muscles clenched around him.

"Oh" she cried out, her legs tightening around his waist as she came apart beneath him. Lips pressed against hers, he swallowed her cries of satisfaction and came moments later. Breathing labored, he rested against her, his weight crushing her against the mattress as he gradually came back to himself. Slowly extracting himself from her grip, he brushed a kiss against her lips and moved to stand on shaky legs.

Turning back to look at her, he smirked as she laid there, chest rising and falling as she sucked in air. Hair tangled around her face, she had a satisfied grin covering her features.

Turning her head, she looked up at him and smiled. Reaching a hand out, she felt him grasp it and pull her upwards. Being married to him was going to be a pleasant adventure.


	20. I'll Be Missing You

"Briefing room twenty minutes."

Fingers pausing over the keyboard, Ruth watched as Adam stepped onto the grid. Cheeks red from his time outside and hair ruffled, he looked much too young to be in charge of the Grid. Or maybe it was just her missing Harry that she was thinking that. It'd been a week and three days since he'd left for India. She'd been missing him desperately for about a week.

The first three days had been almost easy. An hour and a half after his flight had taken off from Heathrow they'd received intelligence of a possible threat to the Tower of London. Nothing too specific but it'd been enough that they'd taken it seriously from the start. With Harry gone, Adam had been left as not only Section Chief but also Acting Head leaving Danny and Fiona to head out into the field.

Those first five hours Ruth; along with Sam and Malcolm; had spent the time watching CCTV footage of all comings and goings from the Tower. A large project, none had seen anything to rouse their suspicions. It wasn't until Fiona had called in with a list of temporary employees that they had something to investigate.

One name in particular jumped out to the team. Ari Gaidea. He'd been hired as a temporary worker in the maintenance department for an unidentified period of time as coverage for another temporary worker who'd suddenly needed to leave the country. No specific reason had been given. Things were starting to look up.

And then they weren't. For three days they'd followed Ari Gaidea to and from work. They'd followed him when he'd gone out to do his shopping and to the book club he'd joined at the local community center. They'd followed him to religious services and on random walks. Nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. As far as anyone on the team could figure, he was up to no good.

So they'd backed off. Surveillance continued. They'd managed to wiretap his flat one afternoon so monitoring of that continued. And all the other little things they did with a suspect continued. But things quieted down. And so Ruth had time to miss Harry.

They'd only been together for two and a half months. And yet in that time they'd developed a connection. It'd been rocked, it'd been challenged, but their lives had started to weave together. That fourth morning; when she'd woke alone; she had come to realize how cold and vast the bed was without him in it. The night before she'd been so tired she hadn't thought about it but in the early light of day there was plenty of time.

The bed wasn't the only problem. Most mornings they worked together to get ready. While Ruth was getting her shower, Harry started the coffee and walked the dog. By the time he was done, Ruth was finishing in the shower and he could hop in. While he was under the warm spray, she had time to do her hair and brush on a touch of makeup and as he finished, they'd get dressed together and eat together. Getting ready just wasn't the same.

Before he left, he'd tried to get her to have Mark drive her to and from work but she'd refused. No one else at her pay grade had the option of being chauffeured to and from work. And she shouldn't either just because she was sleeping with the head of Section D. He'd argued that they just weren't sleeping together; that sometime in the near future she'd be his wife and the mother of any other children he had but it hadn't worked. She wouldn't budge. Instead she'd made a concession that she'd take his SUV and park in his assigned spot.

Being on the Grid wasn't too bad. There was always more than enough work that no one had to worry about having nothing to do. Between active cases and keeping the registry current, she was able to spend ten hours a day not thinking about how much she was missing him. Sure there were the glances towards his office where she'd find it dark. Not used to not seeing him there, head bent over his desk as he worked on whatever it was he did all day brought back that ache. But then something would happen and she'd forget.

It wasn't until she was on her way home that everything hit her again. She was used to heading home alone. As Head of their Section, Harry had various meetings and events to attend. Three to Four nights a week Ruth found herself alone for at least part of the night. For someone who had spent her entire adult life on her own, these evenings didn't bother her. In fact, she cherished them. They gave her time for choir practice. Time to curl up with the animals and a good book without worrying about offending Harry.

With Harry five hours ahead of her and 5,400 miles away things were different. Choir practice didn't hold the same distraction. Books didn't hold her interest as well. The house was too quiet. And it wasn't just her who was missing him. Scarlett sat by the front door for at least an hour a night waiting for Harry to come home. Fidget; though only living with him for four months; sat in his spot on the couch and meowed as though Harry would suddenly appear.

And when it was time for her to finally head up to bed, she was greeted with the same cold space she'd left in the morning. Without Harry the space wasn't as inviting. She'd even considered sleeping in the guest room after that first night. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. At least in their room, his scent lingered on the sheets. In his pillow. In the guest room there was nothing. So wrapped in one of his t-shirts she curled under the duvet in the middle of the bed, longing for his warmth.

So lonely was she that she'd finally brought the animals to bed with her. With Scarlett curled against her stomach and Fidget behind her knees, the three found sleep together.

But what made it the worst was she hadn't talked to him since he'd left for the airport. They'd broken their rule of keep their relationship out of work and spent twenty minutes wrapped together behind the locked doors and closed blinds of Harry's office. Nothing aside from soft caresses and long kisses had taken place.

But the thought of three weeks without seeing one another had prompted her to seek him out. He'd been thinking along the same lines and as soon as she'd stepped through his door, he'd pulled her into his arms, backed her against the wall and kissed her.

She knew there was more than a chance they wouldn't get to talk while he was away. Getting a secure line was difficult enough. Putting one through because they missed each other was impossible. There had been a few emails sent from secure accounts. One to say he'd landed okay and another to say visiting the city of Delhi wasn't the same without his ideal travel companion but that'd been four days before. At this point she wasn't sure how she would make it another eleven days.

"Ruth?"

Snapping out of her thoughts, she looked up. Seeing Adam leaning out of the briefing room doors, she blushed and quickly gathered her notes. Twenty minutes had passed quickly while thinking of Harry. Crossing the room, she paused as Adam shot an arm out and blocked her from entering. Frowning, she glanced up at him.

"You're going to have to sit this one out."

Frown deepening, she wondered exactly what she'd done to warrant being excluded. As if sensing her thoughts, he lowered his arm to rest a hand on her shoulder. Turning her around, he walked her down the hall a short distance.

"You've got to be at the court house in an hour to testify."

She'd forgotten. The day after Harry had left she'd received notice that she'd be expected in court on the 11-March to testify against Peter. Without Harry there she'd gone to Adam with her request for time off. And instead gotten a promise that not only would she have her time off, someone would be going with her. But that was before they'd gotten nowhere with the case. She was sure she'd be going alone.

Reaching into the folder she carried, she pulled out her notes and handed them to Adam. There wasn't much to report honestly. Nothing new had happened since their last meeting twenty-four hours earlier.

"Thanks Ruth." Taking the report, he looked it over briefly before looking back at her. "And everything's going to be fine."

"I know. Just a bit nervous. I'm going to go lock down my computer and head out. Thanks for the reminder."

"Danny's going to go with you. We'll see you both tomorrow morning unless something else happens tonight."

"Alright."

"And Ruth? Call me when you're done and let me know how it went."

Meeting his eyes, she smiled. It was nice having people who cared.

.

_**AN: Sorry for the delay in posting; this is the first time I've been on the computer since last Tuesday night. Tried flying off the front walk the other morning on the way to work but was stopped by the driveway. I'm okay for the most part but it's hard to find a comfortable position with the computer so I don't know how often the updates are going to be the next few weeks. Good news is I've managed to outline what's going to happen for all of March, April, May and part of June as well as starting an outline for a new Harry and Ruth fic. It's just getting on the computer to write them up. Thank you all for the reviews - hope this isn't too bad.**_


	21. We Find the Defendant

"I do solemnly, sincerely and truly declare and affirm that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth." Lowering her hand, Ruth took a deep, steadying breath and watched as the usher stepped back.

"For the record, please state your full name."

"Ruth Evershed."

Stepping from behind the table, the wigged solicitor for the Prosecution nodded once. Black robe billowing, hands crossed behind back; the man crossed the court and stood in front of her.

"We've called you here for you to give evidence against the defendant. I'm going to ask you some questions. Please answer them honestly and to the best of your ability. Do you understand?"

"I do."

Hands still behind his back, the prosecutor met her eyes. "Ms. Evershed do you know the defendant?"

For the first time in almost three months Ruth saw Peter. His time in prison had not been difficult for him if his appearance was anything to go by. Black hair loose, it fell across his wide forehead, resting just above his green eyes. Dressed in a charcoal suit, his broad shoulders were pulled back and straight.

Meeting his eyes, she suppressed the wave of bitterness that filled her at his smirk. Taking a brief moment to settle her emotions, she swallowed the saliva that had pooled in her mouth and nodded.

"Please answer with an affirmative or denial."

"Yes I do." she answered softly.

"And how did you meet Mr. Morgan?"

Thinking back on that fateful night, she tried not to let the images of Harry and Juliet sit too long in her mind. They'd gotten past that. She'd told him to forget it; that the past was the past. And it was true. It was the past. Something that happened before they were a them. Moments were missed by both of them. Mistakes were made by both too.

"Ms. Evershed?"

Shaking her head, she looked around briefly. It was time to put it all in the past and move on.

"Peter approached me one night in an Internet Cafe I frequented. I'd had a terrible day, found out some rather unpleasant news, and I was a bit distraught. Looking back I can say I wasn't in the right frame of mind but..."

"Objection."

Confused the prosecutor turned at the voice. "On what grounds?"

"It doesn't matter Mr. Lansing, I'm agreeing. Ms. Evershed, please refrain from discussing what you believe in hindsight and stick to the facts at hand."

Startled, she looked at the defense table and felt her stomach sink. Peter was smiling. He looked pleased about something.

"Of course." she said slowly, her eyes traveling back to the prosecutor's. "Umm...where...uh...where was I?"

"The night you met Mr. Morgan."

"Right. As I was...uh saying, we met one night in an Internet Cafe. I'd had a not so good day and he approached me to ask if I was alright. When I said yes, he introduced himself and asked my name. From that night on, I would run into him any time I was at the Internet cafe."

"And when did you eventually agree to seeing him?"

"About two weeks after we met. He asked me to dinner and I said yes. We left from the cafe. After dinner, we started seeing each other a few nights a week. Did things like dinner, plays, lunch on the weekend. Just generally got to know one another."

"When did the trouble start?"

"We'd been seeing each other for two months when things started to change. I work for the Government and my hours can be a bit crazy at times. I'm supposed to work until 5 at night but most nights I'm there till 7 at the earliest. When Peter and I started seeing each other, I tried to get out on time but there were instances that I just couldn't leave. Which meant I had to cancel some dates with him. The last night we were together, he was upset. I was late. Not due to work this time but because of an accident in Central London. We argued when I finally reached the restaurant."

"Was that all you argued about?"

"No, Peter was also upset at the state of our relationship."

"Were you seeing someone else? Was he?"

"No, nothing like that." Nervous, she took a calming breath. She'd been warned she'd have to talk about this but she was a private person. Having to talk about her sex life; or lack of; in front of the court was a daunting prospect. "Peter was mad that we hadn't had sex yet."

Pausing at the murmurs through the court, the prosecutor continued. "Was this the reason you stopped seeing Mr. Morgan?"

"No." Glancing at him, she watched a moment before continuing. "To me, it was something that would come in time. I know he was angry about it but it is not something I can rush into. I thought he'd steam a little and we'd discuss it on the weekend. But when I got out to my car, I found my tires slashed. At the time I thought it was a random violent act but I found out later from CCTV that Peter had gone outside and slashed all four tires when I thought he was in the loo."

"Objection - hearsay."

"Granted. The jury will disregard the last comment from Ms. Evershed's testimony. Continue."

"I uh...my tires were slashed. As I was preparing to call a taxi, Peter came up. He was angry and insisting I allow him to take me home but I didn't feel comfortable. When I insisted I'd get a taxi, he grabbed my arm and started to drag me across the parking lot."

"How did you get away from Mr. Morgan?"

"Adam; a man I work with; and his wife were having dinner at the same restaurant. They happened to leave at the same time and came to my assistance." She left out the part where they were following her. That was something the court didn't need to know.

"What happened after that?"

"I told Peter it was over; that I didn't want to see him again. He was angry; which was understandable. The next night a friend offered to stop by my house with me to pick up a few things. When we arrived, we found the place had been broken into, personal items were destroyed."

"Was this all?"

"No, we also found a wrapped gift on the table. The driver of my friend opened the box. Inside we found two dead birds with a note from Peter."

"Did anything else happen before the incident on December 11th?"

"I received numerous phone calls referencing the fact that Peter was watching me as I stayed at the home of a friend. That he was in fact outside at the times of the calls watching me in the kitchen. And I two days before he grabbed me, I received a vase of flowers. I thought they were from someone else. When I picked them up, glass cut into my hand and I dropped the vase. Inside was filled with blood."

"I see. What happened after that?"

"I uh, was distressed. Upset. A colleague sent me home with the driver of the friend I was staying with. As we were traveling home, we stopped at my previous residence to get the mail. Mark; the driver; looked around before letting me out of the car. As we were walking up the walk, Mark fell to the ground. When I turned around, I saw Peter, a gun in his hand. I think he hit me over the head with it."

"You think or you know?"

"I'm not entirely sure what he hit me with but it was the only thing in his hand. I blacked out and remember waking in a room on a boat. Everything from that point is a bit hazy. The doctors said I was suffering from a concussion and hypothermia from falling into the frigid Thames. I remember Peter and I talking. Him saying something about traveling to the Bahamas to get married and us arguing. The last thing I remember is Peter wrapping his hands round my throat and squeezing. After that, I was on the dock wrapped in a coat being treated by medical personnel."

"Thank you. One last question. Have you any contact with the defendant since that night?"

"No."

"The prosecution rests Your Honour."

Stepping back to the table, Lansing sat down and watched as the defense attorney stood.

Straightening his wig, Jonathan Lindsey stepped into the center of the court. He had but a few questions for this witness.

"Good afternoon Ruth. May I call you Ruth?"

"O..of course."

"Right. Ruth. Thank you for taking the time to be here with us today. I've just a few questions for you; some clarification I need to the statements you've given to Mr. Lansing."

"Okay."

"You say you met Mr. Morgan in an Internet Cafe, is this correct?"

"Yes."

"The night you met, you'd had a harrowing day at work?"

"That's correct."

"So the fact that you'd just found your boss having sex with an ex-mistress of his had nothing to do with your distress?"

"Objection - relevance?"

"I have a point Your Honour. If you'll allow me to continue."

"Granted."

Please answer the question Ruth. And remember, you are under oath."

Swallowing, she nodded her head in the affirmative.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you."

"Yes, I was distressed at that."

"Why should that have bothered you? He was your boss after all. A grown man. Surely he could have relations with whomever he should choose."

"It just did."

"I'm failing to understand this. Were you in a relationship with your boss at the time?"

"No."

"Then why should it bother you that he was having sex with an ex? Did you want more from your relationship with him?"

"I fail to see how that matters."

"Answer the question."

"It bothered me because he'd just asked me to coffee earlier in the day!"

"So you thought it should be you having sex with him and not his ex-mistress?"

"Of course not."

"And yet you were bothered."

"Yes."

"I see. Moving on from this for now. The dinner you had with Mr. Morgan that last night, why were you late?"

"I believe I already answered that. There was an accident in Central London and traffic was miserable. It took longer than expected to reach the restaurant."

"Your lateness had nothing what-so-ever to do with your work or your boss?"

"No it did not."

"It had nothing to do with the fact that before you left, this ex-mistress had in fact gone to see your boss and you were watching them?"

Shock covered her features as she looked at the man. How had he known that Juliet was there that afternoon? It wasn't common knowledge that she worked for MI5 and those who knew were sworn to secrecy.

"Answer the question Ruth."

"How do you know she was there."

"My source wishes to remain anonymous at this time. Please, answer the question. And remember, you are under oath."

"No, I was not late because of work or my boss. I was honestly stuck in traffic."

"And you didn't think to call Mr. Morgan to let him know of your delay?"

"The thought never came to me. I was so focused on getting to the restaurant and the meal that we were having together that I didn't think to let him know I was running late."

Stepping back a moment, Lindsay looked towards the jury and noted their interest. Smiling slightly, he turned back to the woman in the box.

"Why did you refrain from having a sexual relationship with Mr. Morgan?"

"It was too soon. We'd only been seeing each other for a few months."

"Surely a few months is more than enough time to wait. Most people engage in an intimate relationship early on. Usually after a date or two."

"I'm not most people. Being intimate with someone is big to me. It's not something that one can rush into. There's trust that needs to be established and a comfort level. Besides that, I was brought up to believe that sex is something sacred, to be shared between two people who love each other. Not something to engage in casually."

"I see. How many sexual partners have you had Ms. Evershed?"

"Objection! Your Honour this line of questioning is ridiculous. What does any of this have to do with what Mr. Morgan did?"

"Accused of doing. And I'm getting there."

"Overruled. Continue Mr. Lindsay."

"Thank you Your Honour. Ms. Evershed, how many people have you been intimate with?"

"Six."

"I see, so you've had sexual relations with six different men."

"No."

"But you just said six."

"Yes, you asked how many men I've been intimate with. That number is six. There is a difference between intimacy and full out sex."

"Alright, let me rephrase. How many people have you been intimate with in a sexual nature?"

Face turning the color of beetroot, she looked down at the floor. "Two." she answered quietly.

"I'm sorry, you were too quiet. How many Ms. Evershed?"

"Two."

"And both of these relationships occurred before Mr. Morgan?"

"No."

"I see. How long have you been sleeping with your boss?"

Shock on her face, she lifted her eyes from the floor and met those of the man in front of her. "Excuse me?" she managed in a squeak.

"I asked how long you've been sleeping with your boss."

"How does that matter?"

"Were you having sex with your boss when you were still seeing my client?"

"How dare you."

"I'll take that as you were."

"I was not having sex with Harry when I was seeing Peter. I'm insulted you'd even ask that question."

"Were you or were you not living with your boss?"

"I was but only because I was afraid of Peter and what he'd do if I was alone."

"Really? There was no one else you could stay with? A female friend? A nice married couple? You had to stay with your single boss with whom you were interested in?"

"He offered the use of his spare room. That's all. Nothing happened between Harry and I."

"There was no sexual contact in any way while you were dating Mr. Morgan?"

"No!"

"So you were not found in a compromising position in your boss's bedroom one afternoon by those you work with?"

Blushing she shook her head no. Yes the others had been there that afternoon she'd been tied to his bed. But no one had come upstairs. No one had found her.

"Were you or were you not tied to the bed of your boss? You are under oath Ms. Evershed."

"I was but..."

"Thank you. Now please, answer my original question, when did you and Mr. Pearce become engaged in a sexual relationship?"

"It doesn't matter!"

"I feel it does. When Ms. Evershed?"

"January." Mortified, she stared at the floor.

"January of this year?"

"Yes."

"So less than one month after officially breaking up with my client, you were engaged in a sexual relationship with another man?"

"Y...yes."

"The same man you were distraught over the night you first met Mr. Morgan?"

"Yes."

"Did you create this idea of being stalked to play on the emotions of Mr. Pearce? To make him want you?"

"No!"

"Ms. Evershed did you slash your own tires?"

"No!"

"Did you destroy your home?"

"No!"

"Did you send yourself that vase of flowers?"

"Of course not! How could you even think that?"

"Ms. Evershed I think this idea of Mr. Morgan stalking you was something you came up with to gain the attention of your boss. One you came up with after seeing him engaged in a sexual act with a previous partner."

"That's outrageous! Peter stalked me. He tormented me and made my life miserable. He kidnapped me and tried to kill me."

"No further questions Your Honour."

Stepping back to the table, Jonathan Lindsay sat down; fighting the urge to smile.

"Thank you Ms. Evershed for your testimony. You may step down."

"But that's a lie! I didn't make this up."

"That's enough! Step down before I have you removed. The jury will disregard Ms. Evershed's last statement."

Stepping out of the box, Ruth crossed the room. She was mortified. There was no other word to describe it. Somehow Peter's attorney had figured out about her and Harry. Had used it to twist things round until she looked like a nutter. Sitting next to Danny, she shook as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. How would she ever be able to look at him again?

* * *

"Has the jury come to a decision?"

"We have Your Honour."

"What be it?"

"On the charges of abduction in the second degree, we find the defendant not guilty."


	22. No They're Not Going to Change my Mind

"God you're a sight for sore eyes."

Settling into his office chair, she smiled at the web cam and met his eyes. "I've missed you too."

He shifted in his seat as she watched her. It'd been two weeks since he'd last seen or talked to her. Two long weeks that was turning out to be too many. In all the years he'd spent traveling to different parts of the world for work, he'd never quite missed someone as much as he was missing her right now. It wasn't a physical ache; though that was there; but something much deeper.

He'd never been to India. Hadn't expected to actually be here now but with Juliet going on three months pregnant, they'd needed someone more senior for this conference and it'd fallen to him. The first few days had been rather boring. They hadn't exactly been prepared for his arrival and so he'd spent some time visiting some of the historical aspects of the country. As he'd wound his way through some place or another, he'd found himself wishing Ruth was with him. She'd love the sights, the significance behind so many things. He'd wanted to write to her and share them but he wasn't fully trusting of the security of the connections he'd managed to get and so not wanting to put her in any kind of harm's way, he had forgone any messages. But now he didn't have to. Now he could see and talk to her. If only for a few minutes.

Focusing on the small screen in front of him he smiled. She looked good. A bit tired but that was understanding. From the video briefing he'd just had with Adam the team had been working almost around the clock the last few nights following up on a new lead. And if he knew Ruth as well as he thought he did, she'd barely taken any time to sleep. Probably a few hours in one of the back rooms; nothing substantial. In the end, the lead had turned out to be rather minor but it had given them another angle to pursue.

"How are you?" she asked softly.

"I'm alright. How are you?"

"I'm alright too."

"Now that we've gotten through that, how are you really?"

"Harry..."

"Ruth, I know you just as well as you know me. We're both alright but there's more. So tell me how you are."

She smiled at that. "I'm alright. Honestly. Tired but that's normal. We've been here the better part of 96 hours so I could use a decent shower and a good night's sleep but I'm okay."

"You should get out of there. Head home and get some sleep."

"I will in a bit. There's still some things I need to do."

"And I'm sure they can wait till morning. Go home Ruth."

Shaking her head at him, she looked at him. "And how are you really?"

"Like you a bit tired."

"Not sleeping well?"

"Truthfully? No. It's always been hard for me to sleep somewhere other than home. This might be a secure compound we're in but that doesn't mean anything in this day and age. Add onto that the constant flow of Indian food is beginning to bother my indigestion. I'm just counting the days until I'm back on British soil."

"Is that the only reason?"

Thinking for a moment, he grinned as he answered her. "Of course; what else is there?"

Playing along, she smiled and lifted her hand to brush a stand her hair behind her ear. "I don't know; I was kind of hoping you were missing me a little."

About to tell her exactly how much he was missing her, he paused as a flash of light caught the diamond on her hand. Surprised, he frowned as he met her eyes again. "You're wearing your rings."

Confused at not only the conversation change but also his look, she glanced down at her hands. "What?"

"Your rings. You're wearing them."

She'd forgotten that she'd put them on in all honesty. After the rather public outing of their relationship during the cross-examination and Peter's subsequent release from all charges, she'd gone home with Danny. That first night she'd been mortified. Firstly that after all he had done to her, Peter had gone free and was even now roaming the streets of London. But secondly that people were going to find out that she and Harry were sleeping together. It was only a matter of time before word of what'd transpired got back to the people she worked with.

During the ride home, Danny had been quiet; leaving her to her own thoughts. As he'd quietly pulled the SUV into the driveway, he'd turned the car off and looked at her.

_"I'm coming in with you."_

_"What?" Pulling herself from her thoughts, Ruth glanced up out the windscreen and found them sitting in the driveway of Harry's house._

_"You shouldn't be alone tonight."_

_"It's alright, really. You don't need to go to any trouble. I'll set the alarm. I've got the dog and the cat. I'll be alright. Go home. Get some sleep."_

_Unbuckling his seatbelt, Danny pulled the keys from the ignition before looking at her. "I'm not leaving. If you won't let me inside I'll stay out here in the car. Either way, I'm going to keep an eye on you."_

_"Really Danny. There's no need. I'm perfectly safe. And Harry wouldn't want that."_

_"We both know that's a lie but I'm not doing it for Harry. I'm doing it for you. You're my friend, I care about you. After what happened today, you shouldn't be alone."_

_"I..."_

_"Ruth, I'm coming in with you."_

_Meeting his eyes she saw the determination and stopped. There was not pity there. No judgment. Just good old fashion concern. "Alright."_

He'd stayed that night and the next in her old guest room. And she knew that when she did leave tonight, he'd be there too. They'd talked that first night. Not only about the trial and Peter but about Zoe and about her relationship with Harry. She'd admitted that he'd asked her to marry him and she'd said yes. His response hadn't been what she'd thought it would be. Instead of disbelief or negativity, he'd asked if she was happy. When she'd said yes, he hugged her tightly and placed a kiss against the side of her head as he told her that was all that mattered. That's when the conversation had turned to Zoe and missed chances. That talk had convinced her to stop hiding from the fear and she'd put on the ring Harry had so carefully slipped on her hand that night.

She hadn't taken them off since. Those that mattered to both her and Harry were happy for them. A bit surprised at the speed it had all occurred at but not at the news of their engagement. That didn't mean everyone had reacted in a positive way. There were those who made snide remarks when they thought she wasn't around and rumor had it Juliet had hurled a stapler through the window of her office when the news had reached there. But it didn't matter. The core team; aside from Sam; were happy for them.

"I put them on the other day and forgot that it was there."

A bit hurt, he watched her."You told everyone? Without me?"

Lifting her gaze sharply, she shook her head. "I didn't do it on purpose. It all came out during the trial..."

"What trial?" he asked quickly, cutting her off.

Realizing that she hadn't talked to him since before she'd gotten notice of the trial, she sighed. "Peter's trial."

"What do you mean Peter's trial?"

"His trial; it was last week."

"And you didn't think to tell me before I left?"

"I didn't know! They served me notice of my testimony the morning after you left. There was nothing I could do. You'd already left and I didn't have a secure way of getting in touch with you. Lord knows I didn't want to keep it from you. I wanted you there."

Taking a deep breath, he wished they weren't 5,400 miles apart right now. "I'm sorry." he said softly. watching as she lifted her eyes to his, he continued. "I didn't want you to go through that alone."

"I know you didn't. That you would have been there if you could have been. Danny was there."

"Good. I'm glad you had someone with you and I know you two are close. I'm glad it's him that was with you when I couldn't be. How long did he get?"

"He didn't."

"What do you mean he didn't?"

"He was found not guilty." Looking down at her hands, she twisted her engagement ring. "They let him go that night."

"There must be something wrong with the connection. For a second there I thought you said he got off."

Lifting her eyes to his, she nodded. "He did. There's nothing wrong with the line."

"Excuse me?" Harry asked, his voice going deathly calm. "That..._man_...is out walking the streets?"

"Yes."

"Get me Adam."

"Harry..."

"Ruth, go get Adam."

"I'm not getting Adam."

"Go get me Adam. Now!"

"I'm not getting Adam for you Harry. There's nothing he can do."

"Like hell there's not. For starters he needs to arrange protection for you. At least until I'm home."

"It's already done. Danny's been staying with me since that night. And he's planning on being there until you're back. Adam's also ... err... forged your signature; with the help of Malcolm; on a few documents and Mark's been driving the two of us to and from work. I'm safe. I promise."

"Good. You're protected. Now get me Adam."

"Why do you need Adam?"

"I just do. Go get him."

"Harry."

"Ruth, I'm not going to fight you on this. Please. Get me Adam. If you don't I'm going to be on the next plane to Heathrow."

"Harry please. Don't make a big deal out of this. I'm okay. I swear."

"Ruth I love you. I miss you like crazy. More than you can possibly know. And I cannot wait until I'm home and can hold you in my arms instead of watching you through a crappy camera on a little screen. But I **need** you to go get Adam."

Realizing it was a losing battle she was fighting, she sighed and pushed the chair back. Watching him for a moment, she noted the cold fury evident in his eyes and was glad that it wasn't directed at her. Reaching a hand out, she brushed it against the camera.

"I love you." she said softly as she stood.

"I love you too."

Nodding, she crossed the room and pulled open the door. Stepping through the frame, she looked out into the Grid. Spotting Adam bent over a folder on his desk, she sighed again before calling out to him.

* * *

_**AN: Thank you all for your reviews on the last chapter and I'm sorry for the delay. The last chapter was a bit hard to write; it kept coming out like a legal brief; and so I needed to take some time and beat IRAC out of my head before continuing. I also want to thank TheOofOof, Loubelle04 and Spooks75 for your input over on Tumblr - a bit more plot with defiantly more Harry/Ruth moments it is. :) I think next up is Harry's return so we can wrap up March and move onto the sad month of April.**_


	23. A Brief Interlude

_**AN: Just a quick update to get something up there. Next up - Harry seeing Ruth for the first time...along with some answers to the cliff hanger I left at the end.**_

* * *

_When the verdict was read out, I cannot begin to describe what I was thinking or feeling. Here was this man; one who took the life that I had and ripped it to shreds; walking free from everything he had done. How was that fair? What made it even worse is the life that I've been building since then was ousted. let me make something clear; I'm not embarrassed by Harry nor am I embarrassed about my relationship with him. Really, I'm not._

_But to have the fact that we are not only in a relationship but having sex put out there in front of an entire court room of strangers and colleagues threw me. Not only am I a very private person but so is Harry. He hasn't told anyone that we're together except Catherine and that was only because he's trying to have a relationship with her. He assured me that Catherine hadn't told anyone and I believe him. She's angry about it yes; but not enough to hurt her father like that._

_The only person I've told is my therapist. When the defense brought up the extent of their knowledge on Harry's and my private life, I thought it was him. After all, he did have to give feedback to not only HR but the courts on everything that we've talked about. I confronted him on it the morning after my court date. When I went up to his office I don't know what I was expecting exactly but the shock and horror on his face at what was brought up was not it. It was at that moment that I knew it hadn't been him._

_We weren't to have a session that day; our normal day being Monday's. But after that little admission, he canceled his normal 9 AM appointment and we did a second weekly session. We talked about it. About my feelings, how I had reacted not only in court but when I got home that night and how Harry reacted. When I reminded Isaac that Harry was in India, he was even more concerned about my emotional state._

_But I have to say, Harry being away was good for me. These past few months, I've come to depend on Harry greatly when something goes wrong. It's not wrong to do so; he's my partner after all; but I don't want to depend on him for everything. And I'm afraid if he'd been here when that verdict was read, I would have leaned on him even more. With him 5,000+ miles away, I couldn't turn to him right away. And so I was forced to deal with it on my own. Well, close to on my own. Danny was there as was my other friends._

_This has helped build my confidence again. I'm not 100% back to where I was before this all happened but I'm going in the right direction. Not only do I feel better but I'm a bit more confident with my relationship too. I'm with Harry. We're getting married. And I don't care anymore who knows about it or what they think. I'm happy. Harry's happy. And that's all that matters._

* * *

Climbing into the back of the waiting car, Harry brushed the rain from his hair as the door was shut. Settling back against the seat, he said hello to the man waiting for him but waited until they were moving before continuing.

"How is she?"

"She's good. Better than I expected actually. And Danny hasn't left her side when she's not on the Grid."

"Remind me of that come his next pay review. Yours too for that matter." Looking out the window as the city moved past, he breathed deeply; glad to be back on home ground. "What have you found out?"

Adam leaned back in the seat, watching his friend and boss as they traveled through late night London. For someone who'd just spent hours cramped in a small space, he looked cool, calm and collected. Hopefully it wasn't all an act because he was about to give him bad news.


	24. Chapter 24

He slipped into the room, the door closing shut softly behind him. Down the hall, the muted sound of his junior field officer could be heard. Now that he was back, there really was no reason for him to stay but Harry was hard pressed to turn the man out into the chilly March rain. Not after all he had done for them. And it wasn't as though Danny didn't know about Ruth and him.

Turning his attention to the room and the figure in the bed, he smiled. It'd been three long weeks since he'd last been in the same room as her. Three weeks of torture. He count not remember a time when he'd missed someone as greatly as he missed her. Certainly never during his first marriage. Long weeks and months away from his spouse had been welcomed with an unhealthy level of joy. But then, he had never felt for Jane what he felt for Ruth.

The overwhelming need to just be with her. To share an evening together with a book or movie filled him with content. With something he'd never felt before with anyone he'd been with. But it still managed to fill him with a need for more. A need to posses her in a way that no one had and no one else ever would. The simple act of her sighing and turning a page in a book was enough to arouse him to new heights.

But it was more than that. More than the act of sex. He wanted; needed; to protect her. Keep her safe from the evils and darkness that filled the world. He'd already failed once. She'd been hurt. Not only by himself but others as well. No more. By no means could he claim to be a white knight. His past was to tarnished to even contemplate taking that title. But she was his heart and he'd do everything to keep her safe.

More than that he wanted to bring her joy. Make her smile. Spent their time together away from the Grid finding a life he'd never lived. One he never had dreamed of living. Before her. He'd screwed up. Thrown away a chance at a life with a wife and children. Now his children went out of their way to avoid him, his ex-wife cursed his name should it be mentioned. But things would be different with Ruth. She was not Jane. And he was not the Harry he had been all those years ago.

He didn't know why he was thinking this now. Perhaps it had been the three weeks apart. Time for her to realize that her life could be significantly better without him in it. He hadn't expected her to find someone else in that time nor even fall out of love with him. But he had been afraid. Afraid that she'd leave. But she hadn't.

Instead she was propped up against their headboard - asleep. Box of tissues on her side of the bed, crumpled ones scattered across the comforter while a well read copy of 'Wuthering Heights' rested open against her chest. Adam had warned him she'd come down with Wes' cold within the last day and had become more miserable as the day had gone on. Hair pulled back in a loose pony tail, nose red and mouth open as she slept, he didn't think she could look any more beautiful. Which just went to show how much he loved her.

Unbuttoning his shirt, he dropped it to the floor before kicking off his pants. Making his way across the room, his smile grew at the sight of her in one of his t-shirts. There was nothing he liked more than the sight of _his_ woman in _their_ bed wearing _his_ shirt. Well, except maybe her naked in their bed wearing nothing but him. But not tonight. As much as he wanted to bury himself in her soft body and warm heat, he couldn't do that to her. She was sick. Sex was not what she needed; tender love and sleep was.

Reaching down, he carefully lifted the book from its resting place and moved it to his night stand. Lifting the duvet, he slipped between the sheets, wrapping himself around her. Sighing at the feeling of holding her in his arms for the first time in weeks, he closed his eyes and pressed his lips against her cheek. Feeling her shift in his arms, he smiled as she curled herself closer; burying her face in the skin of his neck. Tangling their legs together, he slowly worked his way down from a half sitting position onto his back; pulling her with him until she was resting completely on his chest.

Ruth started to stir, her hair brushing against the skin of his chest. Holding her closer, he whispered softly.

"Go back to sleep - I've got you."

* * *

_**AN: Thank you all for your reviews on the last chapter! They make me smile. I have to say I'm not happy with this chapter at all; Harry is not the easiest for me to write; but I wanted to set up the last bit of March which will bring a reunion when both are awake. **_


	25. A Wicked Liaison

**Late Thursday Night/Early Friday Morning**

She'd fallen asleep with the light on again was her first thought as she slowly slipped from the grips of sleep. In the weeks that Harry had been gone, it had become her habit to read in bed until sleep overcame her and tonight was no different. Nor was it unaccustomed to find the light on at all hours of the night. Fighting back a cough, she sniffed deeply; trying to clear her sinuses; before nuzzling further into the pillow. Normally she'd wake enough to crawl across the bed and turn the light off before drifting back to sleep but not tonight. Tonight she was too comfortable and too content to be bothered. It'd still be there in the morning. Like the cold.

But then her mind cleared enough for something to click.

Her pillow; or rather Harry's pillow; didn't rise and fall with each breath taken.

It wasn't warm with a reassuring heart beat inside of it.

While it might smell of a mix of Harry's cologne and shampoo, it never combined them into the unique scent she'd come to associate with being near him.

And it certainly didn't hold her against it as if she was a leaf being threatened by a strong gust of wind.

Opening her eyes slowly, she blinked at the glow coming from the nightstand. As her eyes adjusted to the onset of light, she found herself starring at scars and the scattering of hair that decorated Harry's masculine chest. Sitting up faster than was wise, she found herself overcome with a coughing fit; the muscles of her chest and abdomen protesting at the spasms. Looking up as she fought to breathe, she found herself starring into the concerned hazel eyes she'd missed these past weeks.

"Harry." she managed, her voice raspy from the cold.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly, his hand moving to rub soothingly over her back.

"Yes." she said before she was overcome with another coughing fit. Curling up, she buried her face in her arms , regretting yet again sitting with Wes for Adam when the normal sitter had called off. It wasn't that she blamed the young boy; far from it; but she should have known better then to spend hours around a sick six year old when Harry would be due home in only a matter of days. Especially as said six year old wanted to spend those hours curled in her lap watching Disney movies on the DVD player.

Now here he was and she must look terrible. She wouldn't blame him one bit if he hopped on a plane back to India and returned later when she'd gotten over this blasted cold. Sniffing at the annoying post nasal drip, she felt rather than saw Harry sit up and wrap his arms around her.

Resting her gently against his chest, he continued to rub her back. Lips against her ear, he spoke softly.

"Just nod your head yes or no - have you taken anything for this yet?" feeling her head move in the negative, he sighed and kissed her hair softly. "Stubborn mule. How do you expect to get better if you've not taken anything?"

Shrugging her shoulders, she closed her eyes and enjoyed being in his arms again. She'd be content to stay in that position for as long as it took the cold to run its course.

They sat like that for some time; her head against his chest, his atop hers; until the coughing had stopped and her breathing had returned to normal. Lifting his head, he pressed his lips against her forehead and frowned at the heat emanating from there. Gently moving her back, he watched her eyes flicker open in confusion and the frown settle upon her lips. Lying her against the pillows, he smoothed his hand against her hair.

"I'm going to get you something from the medicine cabinet. You've got a fever and I don't like that cough."

Slipping from the bed, he made his way into the en suite. Filling a glass with water, he opened the cabinet above the sink and pulled out the bottle of cold pills he'd stashed there last winter. Checking the date on them and finding them still good, he shook two into his hand and returned to the other room. Settling next to her, he handed her the pills before sliding his arm under her and lifting her up again. Cradling her to his chest, he passed her the glass.

Ruth frowned but took the proffered pills and water, swallowing them down quickly before finishing off the water. Handing the empty glass back to him, she said nothing but moved to curl up on her side of the bed. Here he was; all returned from his time away; and he spent the night treating her like his child; not the woman he was in love with and missing.

It shouldn't bother her. God knows few people could claim to be tended too by the great Harry Pearce when they found themselves sick. He'd more likely tell them to find a bottle of pills and suck it up then to go find said pills and then hold the person as they took them. She was being irrational. That she knew. But in her sickened state, she was allowed to be.

It did just go to show how much he must truly love her though if he'd rather spend his first night home tending to her instead of burying himself in catch up work or going out whoring. Which made her pause. Had he ever even gone out whoring? Would someone like Harry; with his self confidence and alpha-male demure even need to go out to pick up a woman? Or did they through themselves at him? Did a man in the twenty-first century even do that? Probably not. Which meant she'd spent entirely too much time reading pointless regency era romance novels in his absence. And imaging the worse.

Besides, the rational part of her brain; the one not overcome with fever and sickness; knew that if he was going to partake in any whoring, it'd be with her and that wasn't what they did. It couldn't be whoring if they were engaged and not seeing anyone else. Nor could the way he touched her be considered anything other than love.

Reaching a hand out, she grabbed a tissue from the table and lifted her head to blow her nose. Dropping it in the waste basket beside the bed, she moved to settle against her pillow again but was thwarted as Harry reached for her and pulled her back to him. Leaning back against the headboard, he soon had her settled in front of him; her back pressed against his chest, her bum squarely against his groin. Gripping her hands in his, he held her; pleased to hear the wheezing in her chest breaking up some.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." she mumbled, her eyes closing.

"Not by that look you gave me. I thought you'd be as happy to see me as I am to see you."

"I am."

"So why the nasty look?"

Shifting to the side, she rested her head over his heart and sighed as her answer. He was too warm, too comfortable, and entirely too real for her to bother with anything else at this point. Feeling his grip tighten, she allowed herself to drift towards sleep again. Even if he was reacting as a parent instead of a lover, being pressed against him was soothing.

"Ruth?"

"Hmm?"

"Tell me what's wrong?"

"Don't wanna be treated like a child." she mumbled, her voice muffled against the skin of his chest.

"I didn't think I was."

"Uh huh. Kissing forehead, not liking cough. Forcing medicine. Felt like a child."

"I only did those things because I love you. Trust me, I **do not** think of you as a child." Pulling her hip against him semi-erection, he moved his lips to her ear. "I wouldn't have this problem if I did."

"Mmkay." she said quietly, her fingers lifting to drift across his pecks as she pressed her hip against him harder. Opening her eyes, she traced the scar on his left shoulder.

Shaking his head, he could tell by the level of argument that she was feeling awful. Don't wanna and incomplete sentences were usually not in her repertoire when arguing with him. Glancing at the clock on the night stand, he saw it was only 3.30. "Why don't you go back to sleep?"

"Not tired."

Laughing, he lifted her head and met her eyes. "Liar."

"I missed you." she said simply.

"As I missed you. But you need to sleep."

"Not yet. I want to be with you." she paused again as she woke up more. "But you shouldn't be in here with me. You'll catch this cold."

"I'm not going anywhere tonight. And tomorrow I'm just going to run to the store to pick up some things you'll need to get better. Otherwise you're stuck with me until Monday morning. Cold be damned." As if to prove his point, he leaned closer and captured her lips in a soft kiss. The first one in three weeks, two days, eighteen hours and four minutes.

Pulling back after a moment, she looked up at him. "Harry..."

"Let's not fight on my first night home. You're going to sleep and I'm going to wrap myself around you and sleep as well. We can fight tomorrow."

"I don't want to fight."

"Good."

"I've missed you too much."

"Not nearly as much as I've missed you. But again, I don't want to fight about it. Let's get you comfortable and back to sleep."

Sitting up, she shook her head no as she blushed deeply. She'd missed him in so many ways and now that she was more awake and feeling a bit better from the medicine, she wanted him. Reaching for the hem of her night shirt, she grasped it and pulled it over her head. Tossing it to the floor, she turned towards him and leaned against his chest. Sighing at the feeling of her bare breasts pressing against his skin, she lifted her mouth towards his.

Fighting back a groan, he kissed her briefly before sliding his hands down her arms and pushing her back slightly. "No. Not tonight Ruth."

"We are not going back to the no again." Pushing against his hands, she tried to lean against him again.

"We are until you're better. You need your rest."

Feeling more bold then she had in the past with him, she met his eyes and shook her head no. "I need you."

"You have me in more ways than you know but tonight, I'm only going to hold you as you sleep."

Whether it was the cold lowering her inhibitions or just the fact that she'd missed him so much and knew she'd never get him to relent unless she pushed, she didn't know. But she did know that wanted him tonight; not when she'd gotten over the virus. Besides, being with Harry brought out a side of her she had never known existed and she knew there was no one else she'd want to experience that side with; explore the possibilities buried deep inside. So fighting her own shyness; and trusting him more than she'd ever trusted anyone else; she set out to seduce him. And hoped it wouldn't turn out too bad.

Acting as though she hadn't heard him, she rested her hands palm down against her stomach and met his eyes. Sliding them up slowly, she let them cup her breasts, fingers brushing against her hardening nipples. "I need to feel you here. To feel your lips wrapped around the peak, suckling as only you do as your fingers play over the other."

Watching his eyes on her hands, she moved her right hand away from her breast and slid it lower, fingers moving slowly across her stomach to rest against her knickered covered center. "And I need to feel you here; your fingers sliding into me, bringing me to climax." Rubbing them back and forth slowly, she felt herself becoming aroused at not only the feeling of her fingers but from his eyes on her as well.

Swallowing deeply, he drug his eyes from her hands and met her gaze. It was testing his self control greatly to say no; especially as all he'd wanted when he had first seen her was to bury himself in her warmth till morning; but he knew he must. What kind of lout would he be if he used her to overcome the need he'd been feeling for weeks?

As if sensing his need to control himself, she pinched the nipple of her left breast between her fingers and moaned. Watching his eyes move down, she twisted and pulled it, feeling it harden.

"I missed you while you were gone." she said softly, the fingers of her right hand sliding towards the edge of her knickers, "In so many different ways. Work I managed to get through. Same with the early evenings. But getting through the late nights were near impossible. I missed the feeling of your hands on me. I tried to imagine you were here with me, tried to image it was your fingers sliding in me..." She paused then as she let her fingers slide under her pants, her eyelids lowering as her fingers lightly brushed against her sex, "but it wasn't the same. It wasn't you."

At her last words, he was lost. Hands sliding up her shoulders, he lowered them, letting his finger tips stroke the sides of her breasts. Feeling her shudder, he covered her hand with his, their fingers intertwining as they kneaded and pulled together. Lowering his head, he ran his tongue along the lonesome breast, twirling it slowly before wrapping his lips firmly around the nipple, pulling hard.

She groaned at the feeling and tilted her head back, eyes closing as he lavished attention on her aching breasts. Sensation upon sensation fell upon her as her breath came faster and she turned herself over to feeling.

Moving his free hand between them, he slid his fingers under the fabric of her knickers and grasped her fingers in the moist heat of her sex. Palm pressed against her hand, he cupped their hands over her sex and pressed hard. Slipping a finger between hers, he slid it inside as their entwined thumbs brushed against her clit. Feeling her clench her legs closed at the sensation, he pressed one final kiss on her breast before pushing her back against the pillows and sliding downwards.

Pulling his hands free, he grasped her knickers and pulled them off. Running his hands up her legs, he caressed the skin of her thighs, his lips pressing light kissed against their insides. Lifting his eyes to hers, he smiled as he thrust into her with a finger. Watching as her back arch, he continued thrusting his finger into her, curling it upwards to brush against her inner wall. Feeling her muscles beginning to contract around him, he lowered his mouth to her and sucked hard on her clitoris. She came with a cry, her body tensing as he continued to move his finger, his tongue moving slowly over her as she came down from her high.

Removing his hand, he slid up her body and lay next to her; front pressed to her side as his mouth claimed hers. Tongue running against her lips, he sought entrance and was rewarded almost immediately as she sighed and opened her mouth.

Feeling him pressed against her, she slid her hand downwards until it rested against his erection. She stroked his hard length, remembering what he had told her he liked months before and felt him growing harder.

Groaning at the feeling, Harry pulled away and rolled onto his back, his eyes closing. Breathing hard, he fought to get his body under control before this ended prematurely. Feeling Ruth's mouth close over his tip, he grasped her shoulders and pulled her up and over him, her thighs straddling his hips. "I'm not going to last long if you do that." he said upon seeing her look of hurt.

Grasping her waist in his hands, he pulled her forward until she brushed against his hardened penis. Both groaned at the contact and she rolled her hips forward, teasing him with her moist heat. Impatient, he pulled her down hard, his erection filling her completely. Moan escaping her lips as she lowered her hands to his chest for balance and began rocking against him in slow movements, building herself up to a second climax slowly.

Unable to take her leisurely pace any longer, Harry grasped her hips and lifted her upwards until only his tip was still inside. Seeing her eyes snap open at the loss of him, he smirked and then pulled her down hard, his own hips thrusting upward to push into her further. Both groaned at the new depth and Ruth's nails dug into his chest for grip as he set a faster pace.

Feeling the tell tale signs that he was close, he reached a hand between them and pressed hard against her, pushing her over the edge. As her internal muscles clenched around him, he gave a final thrust and came calling her name.

Collapsing against him, Ruth fought to catch her breath. Wrapping his arms around her, Harry held her close, his own breath coming in deep gasps. As they both settled, Harry moved from inside her and turned on his side. Feeling her curl against him, he pulled the duvet over them and held her close. If coming home meant there'd be that kind of welcome, he'd have to go away more often. But only for a day.

As both drifted into a content sleep, neither remembered that they weren't alone in the house. Across the hall in the guest room, Danny pulled the pillow over his face and tried to forget what he had just heard.

* * *

_**I'm glad that so many thought that last chapter was okay. =0) Many expressed in interest in their reunion...so I've stayed up late to write it. Hopefully you enjoy this update as much as the past chapters. I'll be moving onto April next where there'll be some big changes...**_

_** And if you have a moment, please leave a review. =0)**_


	26. Baby Mine

_**Saturday, April 2nd**_

Pregnant.

An adjective meaning to contain a developing embryo, fetus, or unborn offspring within the body (Merriam Webster).

Gestate.

A verb meaning to carry in the uterus during pregnancy (Merriam Webster).

Either way she looked at it, both two syllable words described her current state. She knew what they meant. She had looked them up in a dictionary when she was seven. Her mother had been pregnant and known it for the grand space of two weeks before miscarrying. Her only hope for a little brother or sister slipping away.

Pregnant.

Gestating.

Both were enough to make her sink to the edge of the tub in shock and fear. It shouldn't have come as either; they had talked about it in February. That cold Saturday morning between his pre-proposal and her real proposal. They'd both agreed that they wanted a child. Together. And at the time, she'd thought that now would be good. Had agreed to his somewhat surprising enthusiasm on the subject.

But now that it was here; now that the little white stick had turned blue; she wasn't sure this was what she wanted now. It wasn't only the stick in her hand that had turned blue. All four in the box were showing the same thing. Four different tests taken on four different mornings.

They were pregnant.

Inside of her a life was growing. A life that was half her and half Harry. A life that Harry would want more than anything in the world. A life she was scared of. A life that wouldn't disappear if she closed her eyes.

God what was she going to do.

In the starkness of really being pregnant, she wasn't sure it was the greatest of ideas. They'd only been together four months. Living together six. They were still getting accustom to the other being in their life. There were moments; not many granted but moments none the less; that she would be out doing some shopping and would forget that they were a couple. She'd look down at her list and wonder exactly why she was picking up Fig Rolls when she couldn't stand them.

And then she'd remember.

Harry liked them in the evening while he was watching the telly.

Or she'd stop off somewhere on the way home from work. One of those nights when they didn't travel together. And completely forget that there would be someone wondering where she was. Would forget until he rang to see if she'd an appointment he'd forgotten about.

Never mind the simple process of living together. There were moments still where one would do something that drove the other batty. She'd leave her shoes next to the bench in the hall. He'd wake up at the crack of dawn and pitter patter around the house. She'd forget to use a coaster in the sitting room. He'd follow behind her cleaning up something she had every intention of getting later. She'd leave her bra hanging on the bathroom door. He'd forget to put the loo seat down.

How could they even be close to ready to bring another life into this world. To be ready to be parents? They were intelligent adults. They should have known better than to rush this. There would be time to have a baby later. Once they settled into a routine. After they were married. After they were together at least a year.

Not after four months.

But what could she do?

In the same sense that she knew it was too early she knew she could never have an abortion. Couldn't kill something they had created together. Something that; as cliché as it was; was an expression of their love. Not only would she never forgive herself but it would destroy Harry. They would be over. He'd never forgive her. Not if her life wasn't directly at risk.

She couldn't handle the thought though.

Sometime in the next nine months she was going to be responsible for caring for another human being. An infant. One fully dependant on her not to forget to buy it nappies or feed it in the middle of the night when all she wanted to do was sleep. One who would need her to remember to bring it home after stopping into the book shop. She couldn't do this.

That's how Harry found her some time later. Sitting on the edge of the tub, little white stick in hand as she starred into space; a look of something he couldn't describe on her face. He knew what that little stick was. Had seen enough of them over the years while he was married to Jane or a partner thought the impossible had happened and they'd gotten pregnant despite the use of protection.

But he'd never seen the look on her face on any of them. Which meant it was negative. Not that he was surprised. Getting pregnant took time. He didn't care what anyone said. Jane and him had been married for three years; sleeping together for six; before she'd finally gotten pregnant with Catherine. It'd been another two years after Catherine's birth before she'd fallen pregnant with Graham. To expect that Ruth would get pregnant this soon was preposterous. No matter how much he might hope for it.

He was surprised in himself. After his failed marriage and the disaster he'd made with his first two children, he never wanted more children. Had dreaded those few times that a partner had thought she might be pregnant. Each negative had brought him a great sense of relief. But then he'd fallen in love with Ruth. And everything changed.

With her he didn't feel like the disappointment Jane had made him feel like. Ruth made him feel valued; loved. She didn't accuse him of having an affair on the nights a meeting ran late or toss another woman in his path when she needed her space. She wasn't off having an affair of her own; seeking love that she was missing from him. With her, he felt like he had a chance at raising a child; no - children; without causing them to resent him. She'd be with him through each step; reducing the chance that he'd screw up more lives.

Right now though, this was about Ruth. And making sure she was alright with another negative result. Crossing the room, he sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her. Feeling her jump at his touch, he watched as she realized what was in her hand and tried to shove it behind her back. Pressing his lips against her head, he held her close.

"It's okay. You don't have to hide it. I know what it said."

Shaking slightly, she avoided looking at him and asked quietly "You do?".

"Your face gave it away. It's okay that we're not pregnant. We'll keep trying and sometime in the future the result will be different. There's no rush; we have a lifetime together."

Looking down again at the stick in her hand, she didn't know what to say. He thought it was negative. He thought it was negative because of the look on her face. How would he take it then when she told him it was positive?

Sensing the need to remove her from the present situation, he reached a hand out and tried to remove the test from her grip.

Feeling him start to pull the test away, Ruth panicked and gripped the test tighter, pulling it to her chest.

"Ruth give me the test. I'm just going to toss it in the waste basket."

"No."

"Ruth it's alright. There will be other chances." Sliding his hand over hers, he tried to pry her fingers open.

"I'm pregnant."

Those two words stopped him. Surely he had misheard her. Reaching for the test, he managed to pull it free. Lifting it in front of his eyes, he looked at it. Saw the blue plus sign. And smiled.

They were pregnant.

Setting the test on the vanity, he stood. Turning back to her, he reached a hand down and pulled her to her feet. Still grinning, he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close, lifting her from the floor. And spinning her around in the confines of the bathroom.

"We're pregnant."

The smile was evident in his voice and she felt even worse. God. He was so happy. Why couldn't she be happy? Why did she have this feeling of fear and dread filling her?

As if sensing something was amiss, Harry set her on her feet and pulled back slightly. Seeing the same look as earlier on her face, he frowned.

"You're not happy."

Swallowing, she slowly shook her head no.

"You don't want this baby?"

"I don't know what I am or what I want." she said softly, fingers digging into his forearms as she felt him stepping away from her. "Harry..."

"I thought you wanted this. Him or her. A baby with me."

"I thought I did."

"But now you don't."

"I didn't say that."

Prying her fingers from his arms, he stepped back, a weight settling over his chest. "You did."

"I said I don't know what I am."

"And you also said you thought you wanted this when I said I you wanted this."

"Harry it's too soon."

The weight settling over his chest gave way to the feeling of his heart breaking a little. This moment; one that should have been joyous; was turning into a pit of despair. She didn't want to have his child. For the first time in over twenty years, he'd been filled with a feeling of elation at the prospect of being a father again. And she'd crushed it.

"Why is it always too soon for you? Too soon to be living together. Too soon to tell anyone we're seeing each other. Too soon to get engaged. Too soon to get married. Now it's too soon to have this baby that's apparently already growing inside of you. If you're that embarrassed of me, why the hell are you still here?"

"What? Why ever would you think that?"

"Unlike you, I'm not naive Ruth. I love you. I really do. But I can't keep having you take swipes at me. My heart can't take it."

Taking a step closer, she reached out for him. "I'm not taking swipes at you. I love you."

"I'm not sure that you do." Stepping away from her, he didn't know where to turn or what to do. The feeling settling over his heart was worse than the feeling of Jane packing up and leaving with the kids. Back to her, he looked into their room.

"You need to leave. Or I need to leave. I don't know. I just...can't look at you right now."

Biting back a sob, she reached out for him. It wasn't supposed to be like this. They were supposed to be happy. Hand settling onto his shoulder, she felt him shrug it off and move away.

"Don't touch me. Just...don't touch me." Turning towards the door, he paused. "But know this. If you kill this life we created because it's "too soon" for it to happen, I won't forgive you."

"Harry please."

Without saying a word, he left the room and slammed the door shut behind him. Sinking to her knees, she succumb to the sobs overwhelming her and cried. In the distance she heard a door slam. Lying on her side on the cold tile, she wrapped her arms around herself and cried.

* * *

Bag hanging off her shoulder, Ruth hugged her coat around her and knocked on the door. _Please be home, _she thought to herself as she knocked again. Time had passed slowly as she laid on those cold bathroom tiles crying. Had passed slowly as she waited for Harry to come back. But he didn't. For five hours she had waited for him to come home. First on the bathroom floor and then in the sitting room. But he never did.

Then she had tried calling him both from the house line and her mobile. But they'd gone unanswered. Ring after ring she had hoped he'd pick up. He never did. Finally her calls started going to voicemail on the first ring.

That's how she knew. Knew that as long as she was still there, he wouldn't return to his house. Not right now when things were so disarrayed between them. Not when he didn't want to see or talk to her.

So she had let Scarlett out in the back garden while she'd packed a bag. Fed the two animals before pulling on her coat and making her way outside. Looking up and down the street she hoped to glimpse of his car. Nothing. Keys in hand, she had crossed the drive slowly and climbed into her hatchback. Setting her bag on the passenger seat, she had drive round aimlessly for an hour, wondering where to go.

Tossed between finding a hotel and going to work, she had instead wound up parked in front of Danny's flat. She'd sat there in the street for three-quarters of an hour before the setting sun and lowering temperatures had forced her to seek shelter. That's how she had come to be on his front stoop. Praying that he was home.

Her prayer was soon answered as Danny opened the door in sweat pants and a vest. Seeing his friend standing at his door, tear stains running down her face, he looked over her shoulder expecting the worst. Not seeing anything he reached a hand out and pulled her inside.

"Ruth?"

With a sob, she fell against his chest and cried.

* * *

_**Monday, April 11th**_

Fingers clutching the gown closed, Ruth sat in the sterile room. Alone. For nine days she had tried to talk to Harry; tried to get him to listen; but he rebuked her at every turn. At work he was cold but professional; flat out telling her early the previous Monday morning that while they might have to work together, he would prefer if she went to Adam for the foreseeable future with all things work related. When she'd started to bring up the personal, he'd turned his head to his desk and asked her to leave. Not wanting to bring their fight to the Grid, she had quietly left his office with the hope that things would get better.

It hadn't.

Danny was being a good friend; letting her stay in Zoe's old room. He'd also nipped round to Harry's house to pick up more of her clothing when it became apparent that Harry wasn't going to relent any time soon.

Ruth was lost. The fear of impending motherhood had nothing on the despair of losing Harry. Getting up in the morning was damned near impossible. Making it through the day even harder. And trying not to cry herself to sleep at night wasn't happening. He was gone; at least for now; and she was clueless on how to make it better. This afternoon was her first appointment with the doctor. God, how he could think she'd consider even for a second getting rid of their child killed her. With all hope lost of getting through to him, she'd sent him an e-mail Friday afternoon telling him of her appointment today.

She'd received no response from him.

Adam had come over before leaving and said the time was approved then asked if she wanted him to go with her. She'd almost said yes out of fear of going alone. But the thought that anyone but Harry experiencing these appointments with her had her saying no.

A small part of her had hoped that maybe he'd think about it over the weekend and come with her. Or at least meet her here. But he hadn't been in all morning. Something about a meeting with Juliet over departmental spending. When the clock had neared two and he had yet to return, she had half heartedly pulled on her coat and made her way to the hospital.

As the door opened Ruth was pulled from her thoughts. Smiling weakly at the doctor, she pulled the gown tighter.

"Ms. Evershed? I'm Doctor Whovian. How are you today?"

"Alright."

Setting onto the rolling stool, the doctor smiled, settling next to the table. "By your chart I see that you think you might be pregnant."

"Ye...Yes. I took four different tests and they all came out positive."

"I think there's a good chance your pregnant than. I'll want to do some blood work to make sure and run some other tests. How far along do you think you are?"

"I don't know. At least a month."

"Do you remember when your last menses was?"

Thinking back Ruth was somewhat shocked to realize she hadn't had her period since the end of January. With everything going on she hadn't thought about the fact that she was late.

"From the look on your face I'm guessing it was awhile ago."

"January 21st."

Writing down the date the doctor nodded. "And is it normal for you to be irregular?"

"No. I'm usually pretty regular even when under a lot of stress. But so much was happening that I didn't think about it. I didn't even suspect I might be pregnant until I couldn't get over the tiredness from my cold last month."

Sitting back, the doctor smiled. "So it's possible that you're closer to two months instead of one?"

"Yes." Ruth answered weakly, her thoughts going to how bad of a mother would she be that she didn't even know she was pregnant.

Sensing her discomfort, the doctor laid a reassuring hand on her arm. "It's alright. Not every woman knows they're pregnant right away; especially if you're not planning it. By looking over your chart you're not on any prescription medications that we would need to worry about causing any harm to the fetus and as long as you've not been binge drinking every night or partaking in the use of illicit substances, everything should be alright."

Rolling back, the doctor stood and crossed the room. "I am going to do an ultrasound to see if we can come up with an approximate age of the fetus as well as a due date."

Nodding, Ruth watched as the doctor moved the ultrasound machine over. Smiling at her, the doctor picked up a tube of gel and told her it'd be cold before lifting her down and squeezing it onto her stomach. Gasping at the coldness, Ruth held still as the doctor took the wand and moved it over her uterus.

Seeing a picture flicker on the screen, Ruth watched as the image changed with each stroke of the wand. Unsure of what she was looking at she turned to the doctor as the wand stopped moving. Seeing a frown, she froze as fear gripped her. As scared as she was about being a mother and it being too soon, she didn't want something to happen to the baby.

"Doctor what's wrong?"

"Hold on a moment."

Moving the wand slowly across her lower abdomen, the doctor watched the screen closely. Pushing a bit harder, the doctor looked at the screen before turning her attention back to Ruth.

"What is it?" Ruth asked again, fingers gripping the side of the bed in fear.

"It's nothing to worry about. I promise. I just wanted to be sure."

"Sure of what?"

"Is there a history of twins in your family or the father's?"

"Twins?"

Nodding the doctor turned her attention back to the screen. Pressing some buttons, she split the image into two and showed Ruth the pictures she had taken. Pointing at a cluster shaped like a peanut on each image, she continued, "Twins. Both look to be about seven weeks old at this point so I'd put conception somewhere around the 17th of February. Meaning you're due mid-November."

"Twins?" Ruth asked again, her attention drawn to the screen. As if one baby wasn't enough to scare her silly; now there was two. God. Harry had been effective in knocking her up well and good. Watching the screen, she felt her heart constrict that he was missing the first picture of their baby.

Correction.

Babies.

Swallowing Ruth turned back to the doctor.

"Is everything okay with them?"

Pressing another button, the ultrasound switched back to real time. Watching for a moment, the doctor pointed at the screen.

"See this little flickering motion here," pausing a moment, she drew a box around it before continuing onto the other peanut cluster, "and here. Those are the heartbeats. While it's still too early to see any deformities, it does bode well that we're seeing both heartbeats on ultrasound. It is still a bit too early to try and hear anything yet. We'll know more when the results of the lab work come in."

Eyes still watching the screen in disbelief, Ruth nodded. "How long does that normally take?"

"A day or two. We should know on Wednesday how everything is."

"What do I need to do?"

"Nothing. We'll call you as soon as the results are in." Turning back to the screen, the doctor printed out pictures of both babies. "As for any restrictions I don't see the need for any other than the normal diet and such. If you happen to feel any discomfort or notice any spotting, I do want you to either call or come to the hospital immediately."

"Alright."

"And seeing as you're having twins, I'd like to see you in three weeks to see how everything is progressing and make sure everything is still going along alright."

"Okay."

Smiling the doctor offered her hand to Ruth. "It was a pleasure to meet you Ms. Evershed. I'll leave you alone to get cleaned up."

Watching as the doctor left the room, Ruth watched the frozen image on the screen another moment before moving. Crossing to her bag she pulled out her phone and sent a text message to Harry; hoping he'd answer.

**Saw doctor. Need to talk to you.**

Placing her phone on the table, she shed the gown and was pulling on her clothes as the phone chirped. Picking it up she quickly scrolled to her inbox.

**Are you still pregnant?**

**Yes.**

**For how long?**

Sensing his continued anger, she typed back another message; hoping just maybe it would open the path to communication.

**About seven more months.**

Moving to the screen she lined up the image of the ultrasound; making sure to capture the words Fetus 1 and Fetus 2 in the picture. Not waiting for a response, she attached the image to another text and sent it to him.

* * *

_**AN: Please don't kill me. I did warn that April would bring a lot of sadness and thus it has so far though with a little twist of happiness too. And I will take this moment to say that it's only going to get worse. Not being a completely heartless person, I did continue further than I had planned with this chapter; not ending it when she'd arrived on Danny's stoop and thus not being entirely happy with how the final part wrote itself. But I couldn't leave it as it was. I also couldn't resist a little humour with the Doctor's name. That said - please review and let me know what you think; good or bad.**_


	27. Damned If We Don't

He held the phone in his hand starring at the picture. Tiny as it was on the screen, it was difficult to make anything out clearly but he knew that somewhere in the blur was their child. Thumb tracing the screen, he let the breath he'd been holding for nine days out.

They were pregnant.

They were staying pregnant.

Nestled securely in her uterus, Ruth was carrying a life that was a combination of them. And she wasn't planning on getting rid of it.

He had over reacted. Words could not describe the level unto which he had overreacted that morning in their bathroom. But her apparent dismay at being pregnant with his child had done something to him. It'd been like dumping salt into an open wound and he had lashed out to make her feel the same despair he was.

It'd taken him a few hours to realize she was scared more than anything. This was Ruth. His dear, sweet, irrational at times Ruth. She loved him. Of that he had no doubt. Even if he had said differently in the heat of the moment. And he loved her. But she was scared of that love at times. To the point that she let it cloud over the goodness. He couldn't figure out what it was that scared her or how to help her overcome it.

By the time he'd calmed down and returned home, she was gone. Which had only infuriated him again. Instead of staying to fight for what they had, she had fled. At the time it hadn't mattered that he'd done the same thing nor that he'd basically told her to leave. It just mattered that she was gone. And so with his wounded pride and inflated ego he pushed her away.

Would they never learn from past mistakes? Her running away and his distance never got them anywhere. Aside from heartache. They were both scared. Scared of screwing things up. Of losing the other. But if they continued to let their fear win out, they'd lose each other sooner.

She'd sent him the email on Friday that she had an appointment today. At first he'd felt a flash of hope that she wanted him there to share in the moment. But then the ugly head of doubt showed itself and he began to think it more like she wanted him there as she ended the pregnancy. So he had withheld his response and instead sent Adam.

The weekend had been hell.

Living without her after four months was hard enough. The house was too quiet. The animals too mopey. Dinner was a sorry affair as he tended to have toast and eggs with a healthy dose of Whiskey more than anything. He'd been unable to sleep in their bed. Not with things how they were between them. The first night he'd tried to sleep in the guest room but images of her in there had plagued him until he had given up. The next night he'd slept on the sofa bed in his office and every night since then. But this past weekend with the quietness of the house and the thoughts plaguing him that she was going to do something they'd both regret had pushed him onto the verge of madness.

The house was spotless. Every box in the basement, attic, and box room had been gone through. Things had found proper homes. Including all her things. When he'd run out of boxes he'd tormented himself with deciding which room would make the best nursery. By Sunday night he'd been ready to lock her in the house until she'd given birth; even if she'd resent him.

Monday morning hadn't come soon enough. Throughout his morning meeting he'd thought about her. About them. About the baby. More times than not Juliet had had to repeat herself which only lead to fueling her anger at him. But he'd been looking for a good fight and she gave it to him. By the time he had left her office at two, he had been ready to both strangle her and shove her up against the wall. As he'd made his way to the waiting car he'd contemplated going to the hospital. To Ruth.

But fear had won out and instead he'd found his way back to the Grid. And his office. Where a decanter of Whiskey had been beckoning him. With the muted sounds of work going on from his staff, he'd watched the clock. Each moment was harder than the last. And then the text had come.

**Saw doctor. Need to talk to you.**

The only thing going through his mind at the moment was finding out if they were still pregnant. With fingers shaking with emotion, he had typed his response.

**Are you still pregnant?**

Not a moment had passed before her response had come back.

**Yes.**

Without thinking he'd typed back, **For how long?**

It was the question he was dreading the answer to. Was she planning on keeping their child? Everything he knew about Ruth pointed towards her not doing anything to harm their baby; no matter her fears. But he was being irrational. He was scared. He had screwed up and pushed her away. She had gone back on wanting a baby with him and run.

As the phone had chirped he wondered what her answer would be. And could he live with her response if it was something other than nine months?

**About seven more months.**

Seven months. That was less than nine. But it was more than a day or a week or even a month. She was planning on being pregnant for seven months. Which once his brain started functioning again told him they were two months pregnant.

The night they'd gotten engaged.

They'd gotten pregnant the night they'd gotten engaged.

They weren't pregnant that morning they'd talked about having kids. When she'd curled in his lap and let him hold her. But not too long after. All this time he'd been trying to make her pregnant. And she already was.

But even more so the thought came to him that she wasn't planning on ending it. She was staying pregnant. Having his child. They were going to be parents. In seven months time. He'd not known what to say at that point. The chirping of his phone again had broken him out of his thoughts and he'd glanced down. Opening the message he'd found a photo waiting for him.

The one he was currently starring at.

Their child.

Everything would be okay.

They could fix things.

But before they could be together again they had to talk. She to him and him to her. They needed to work through these fears and past patterns of running away as well as pushing the other away. It wasn't just them anymore. It was them plus baby.

**We'll talk tonight. After the Nellington dinner.**

God of all nights to have to work.

**Did you look at the picture?**

Smiling, he nodded even if she couldn't see him.

**I did. Our blur is the most beautiful thing in the world.**

**Download the blur to your computer.**

**How do I do that?**

**Take the black cord running from it and plug your phone in. Hit download.**

Following her instructions, he waited as the picture slowly loaded on his computer screen. Damn technology. Could it go any slower?. Leaning back in his chair he watched as each line of pixels downloaded. Seeing the image covering his screen, he leaned forward and smiled. There before his eyes the blur had turned into a little peanut. Grinning, he lifted a hand and ran a finger along the screen.

He had a peanut for a child.

Picking up his phone, he started to type a message but stopped. Looking at the phone then the clock he decided that for once his personal life could come before the DG's afternoon briefing. Dialing the familiar number he waited for it to connect.

"Hi." she said, her voice soft and hesitant.

"Our blur's a peanut." He couldn't keep the smile and wonder out of his voice. He was happy. Even if they hadn't been on speaking terms twenty minutes ago.

"Did you look closely at the...err...our peanut?"

Looking at the computer screen, he smiled.

"Yes. Peanut looks good. Slightly bigger in the picture on the left side of the screen. Did the doctor take it from a different angle?"

"Not exactly. Read the title."

"Fetus 1."

"Mmhmm. What's the other side say?"

"Fetus 2." He paused. That didn't make sense. Why would the doctor be naming the images two different things? He made a note to check the credentials of this doctor before Ruth went back to them. His Ruth and their peanut would not be seeing any random old person who thought they'd play at being a Doctor. "I think the Doctor made a mistake. He labeled it fetus 2."

"I know she did. It wasn't a mistake."

"Wasn't a mistake..." looking at the picture again he paused. Fetus 1. Fetus 2. Fetus 1 was slightly bigger than Fetus 2. And it hadn't been taken from a different angle.

Fetus 1.

Fetus 2.

He was one.

Together with Ruth they were two.

Fetus 1. Fetus 2. Fetus 1 and 2.

Mouth dropping open he scrambled to catch the phone as he momentarily lost his grip. Holding it back to his ear he swallowed twice before speaking again; his voice a whisper.

"There's not just one?"

"No." Hearing the tremor in her voice and the slight hitch as she continued, he kicked himself for letting his pride keep him from going with her. She'd panicked at the thought of one child. What she must be thinking and feeling at the prospect of having two. "There's not just one."

"Where are you?"

"Sitting in my car outside home. Err. Outside Danny's."

"Stay there. Well no. Go inside. But stay at his house. I'll be there within the hour."

"You have your meeting with the DG."

"Bugger the DG. You need me."

"I'm okay."

"You're not. I can hear it in your voice. And if I'd pulled my head out of my ass anytime in the last nine days I'd have seen you were scared more than anything. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." she said softly, her hand momentarily resting against her abdomen. She was scared. Terrified even. But they'd get through it. "And I'm alright. Really. Go to your meeting."

"Ruth..."

"Harry can we please not fight anymore? I don't think I can take it."

"Me neither. But I'm still coming over there."

"Harry go to your meeting. You can't be getting yourself fired right now for insubordination. I'll still be pregnant tonight when I see you at the dinner."

He smiled at that. "You will be won't you? Pregnant with my twins."

"Our twins. But yes."

"Our twins. We're having twins. I love you."

"I love you too. Now go to your meeting."

"Alright. Take care of yourself and our peanut clusters."

* * *

_**AN: I couldn't actually leave it there. People were damning Harry when it wasn't just his fault. So I had to make them talk. Thanks to those who've already left me reviews and PM's on the last chapter. =0) Your thoughts and insight make me write faster.**_


	28. Found A Peanut

Nerves had Ruth fidgeting with the simple silver bracelet on her left wrist as she paced the length of the main room in her bare feet. Tonight was a big night. Not just in terms of being her first official outing as a spook but also in her relationship with Harry.

It was the first time she would be attending some political event as his plus one. The first of what would be many nights and possible weekends together making nice. Where she wouldn't be just Ruth Evershed; Senior Analyst for Counter Terrorism; but rather his fiancé and mother of his future children. She'd be an extension of him. Her every move and comment scrutinized by his opposition and enemies.

Thank God he had no aspiration towards become a politician. Because if he had she would seriously have to give consideration to being his mistress instead of his wife. Spook wife she could handle; politician's wife would have her running for the hills. Literally.

What made tonight even more nerve racking was the lack of connection between the two of them over the last nine days. Yes they were talking now but their brief phone conversation that afternoon had covered nothing more than the babies. They'd not even seen one another. She feared that there would still be a bit of a chill between then.

Turning back towards the stairs, she glanced at her watch and sighed. 18.15. They had 45 minutes before the dinner began. 45 minutes to circumvent the traffic of rush hour London and find the rest of the team that was meeting them. And Danny was running late. As a woman she had expected to be the party taking the longest to get ready. With Harry she was; he was always waiting for her. Danny was the exact opposite. When she'd last checked he had just gotten out of the shower; leaving his hair and dressing to go.

Stopping at the bottom she was about to yell up when there was a knock at the door. Turning she frowned and glanced at her watch. Who would be there at this time of night? Padding across the wooden floor she stood on tiptoes and glanced through the peep hole. Seeing the back of a familiar head, she fought back a smile as she undid the locks and chain.

"Harry." she breathed, her hand on the open door. "What are you doing here?"

Turning around; Primrose grasped in his right hand; Harry smiled but didn't speak. Stepping towards her, he gently pushed her into the flat and followed her in; the Spook in him wanting their conversation in private. Shutting the door with one hand, he offered up the flower to her. Seeing her smile as she took the flower, he brushed her hair from her face.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Holding the flower to her chest, she looked up at him as he watched her. Seeing his eyes skim her face, her chest, and come to rest on her slightly protruding stomach, she smiled. The ultrasound today had changed things for her. She was still scared; was still terrified at the prospect; but seeing the tiny heartbeats on the screen had made it so much more real. These two babies; along with Harry; were her family. Something she had been lacking in since she was eleven. She'd realized in the shower tonight that that's what scared her the most. Family had always left her; either by death or by choice.

Trusting Harry not to leave her was _hard._ Especially when every time they fought, one or both of them ran away. She was just as guilty as he was. But she'd realized something else. There were two tiny beings growing inside of her. They were hers; and his. No one could take them away. These two babies would _always_ be her family and because of that, so would Harry.

Clearing her throat she watched his eyes lift and meet hers.

"Sorry." he said though it was apparent he was anything but.

"No you're not."

Stepping forward, he slid an arm around her waist, letting his hand rest in the middle of her back. "You're right, I'm not. At least not about looking at you. I am sorry for being a closed minded bastard."

Sighing, she stepped closer and let her head rest against his chest; the bud of her flower poking up between them to avoid being crushed. Closing her eyes, she breathed in his scent and felt the tension of the past week easing away. "I'm sorry for being so wishy-washy. And for letting my fears come between us again."

Wrapping his other arm around her waist, he pulled her closer. "We both reacted badly. And we need to talk about it - later. Unfortunately for now, we have a dinner to go to."

"Which brings us back to what you're doing here."

"I'm doing what I should have done last Saturday; I'm taking you home where you belong. We just have to make a slight detour to a political function first." Leaning back, he looked down at her. "And since we have to be there in a little over thirty minutes, it might be a good idea if you run upstairs and get your bag."

"It isn't packed. It's going to take longer than five minutes."

"Ah that's where you're wrong. I called Danny on my way over. He was ordered to have your things packed and ready to go. So go get your bag."

Both stopped at the sound of a bag hitting the floor. Turning towards the steps, Ruth had to laugh at the sight of her suitcase lying on its side at the foot of the steps. Untangling herself from Harry's arms, she crossed the room to it. Feeling him behind her she looked up and smiled at Danny; who stood at the top dressed in tux pants and white shirt.

"Please tell me you didn't pack my make-up and bath things in my suitcase."

Lifting the smaller bag in his hand, he grinned and made his way down to them. "Nope, they're right here."

Bending down, Harry picked up the fallen suitcase before taking the smaller bag from the other man. "Thank you Danny."

Nodding at his boss, Danny leant forward and hugged Ruth lightly. Kissing her cheek softly, he stood back and watched her a moment. "Not that it hasn't been nice having you here but go home. I don't want Harry to get the wrong idea and think we've something going on. He'll transfer me somewhere with no hot water."

With that, he turned and made his way back upstairs.

"He's right. You need to come home. The house is entirely too empty without you."

* * *

Sitting in the back of his car, Ruth let herself rest against Harry's side; his arm holding her close; as they sat in the evening traffic.

"Ruth?"

Tilting her head up, she met his eyes. "Hmm?"

"I'm sorry for missing today. I let my pride and fear keep me from being there with you. Are you and the babies okay?"

"I'm okay. Better than I was. I'm still scared but today somehow made it more real. And even though we're now having two instead of one, it seems less daunting."

"And the babies?"

"They looked okay but"

"But" he interrupted, his hold tightening.

"But we have to wait for all the blood work the doctor ordered to come back before we'll know if things are looking normal for now. And even then we'll have to wait until they're older to know if developmentally they look alright."

"When will the results be back?"

"Wednesday at the earliest." Opening her clutch, she pulled out the two copies of the ultrasound the doctor had given her. "But The Doctor did give me two copies of their first picture. One for you and one for me."

Looking down at the picture, she traced a finger between the two fetuses, a smile settling over her face.

Reaching his free hand down, he gripped the edge of the ultrasound and starred at it. He'd seen the picture earlier, when they'd been on the phone, but this was different. Not only were they here; together; but it was somehow different holding this film than looking at it on a computer screen. Holding her tighter, he felt a smile settle on his face and said the only thing he could think of.

"They really do look like peanuts."

* * *

_**AN: I would like to say I am awed by the sheer volume of people who left feedback in some way for the last two chapters. The thoughts and feedback completely blew me away. Before I twisted the angst knife any deeper, I took a moment; or an evening; and wrote a little bit of fluff as a thank you. **_

_**So many people blamed Harry and I feel bad because I didn't mean for him to come across as a complete bastard in his reaction to her hesitation. Ruth was just as guilty in this as he was; or at least that was my feeling. Their relationship has been filled with moments of miscommunication and missed moments; while I don't think the moments of miscommunication will ever fully go away, I do hope to change the missed moments. =0) And if the offering of a little fluff as thank you isn't enough, I also spent the evening baking chocolate peanut butter muffins and banana muffins and would be more than happy to share them too. If you have a moment, please take a moment and leave me another review with your thoughts - and where you'd like to see them go next.**_


	29. Always a Twist

_**AN: I've realized that in my rush to share some pieces I've missed other important factors in the story and have taken it entirely away from my outline and plan, so please bear with me as I not only develop the story and tie up loose ends but also bring it back from the land of spiraling out of control and into outline land. If I don't we're going to wind up with a hot mess.**_

* * *

**_Monday, April 11th, 18.47_**

Both were still starring at the picture as the car rolled up to a stop light. In the few minutes they'd been riding in silence, Harry's hand had moved round her waist to rest palm down against her stomach. Fingers gently moving back and forth, he traced the alphabet around her navel; his thoughts on nothing and everything at once.

Shifting herself closer to his side, Ruth let her head fall against his shoulder as her hand made its way towards her middle. Fingers sliding between his, she let her hand rest over his; stopping his movement and the flutters of arousal he was creating. Feeling his arm tighten around her, she smiled as his other hand let go of the ultrasound and settled on top of hers; effectively holding her to him.

Quiet for a few more seconds, she watched out the window as they slowly started to move again. As the car turned onto the A4 for their drive to Chelsea she voiced something that had been bothering her before her appointment that afternoon.

"Harry. What happened to Sam?"

Lifting his eyes from her lap, he settled them on the top of her head as the question she asked flitted through his mind. "Sam? What about her?"

"What happened to her? One day she was on the Grid like normal and the next she just never showed up. Every time I or someone tried to bring her up we were shot down. I meant to ask you about it that ... day before everything happened but we never got around to it."

"I fired her."

Turning her head to look at him, Ruth tried to sit up but found herself held firmly in place. "Fired her? Whatever for?"

"She was a mole."

"Harry that's months in the past. You said you were giving her a second chance."

"And I did." He said, unable to keep the anger he was feeling from turning his voice into a growl. Arms tightening, he pulled her even closer to his side. "She had her second chance and she turned on me; the department; again."

Wincing at the force of his hold on her, she shifted to try and loosen his grip. Feeling his hands tighten around hers she sighed and pushed against him, giving up at finding a better position. "Harry let go. I can't breathe."

Frowning and a bit startled at the realization he'd hurt her, he quickly let go of her and made to move across the seat. "Are you alright?" he asked, his eyes sweeping over her.

Grabbing his arm, she held him in the seat and settled back against him. "I'm fine. You were just squeezing me too tight." Feeling him tense against her, she moved his arm around her again. "You don't have to let go. I don't want you too. Just try not to squeeze the air from me again."

Loosely lying his around her, he tried to relax as she leaned against him. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright." she said softly. Squeezing his hand, she relaxed against him, trying to get him to do the same. "What happened?"

Knowing she had a right to know; and that telling her to wait to later could cause some tension; he sighed and looked out the window. "I'm sure you figured out someone told Peter's defense things that were happening both on the Grid and privately."

"Yes." she said slowly, her fingers sliding over the exposed skin of his wrist absently. "It was Sam?"

"It's a bit more than that but Sam played a part."

"Why? Why would she do that? I thought she was my friend."

"She is - was. She'd been led to believe she was doing you a favor; that the evidence against Peter was a plant."

"What? How?"

"Juliet."

Her fingers stopping, she looked up at him confused. "What?"

With a sigh, Harry leaned back against the seat, pulling her with him until she was resting against him. "We still don't know the whole story and I didn't want to say anything until we knew but it looks like Juliet is working with someone."

"To do what?"

"Force me out of Thames House. And before you even say it, I'm not letting you walk away to try and protect me."

"But Harry..."

"I'll explain what I know; I promise; but answer me this. How was it for you being separated this last week and a half? Because for me it was hell."

"It was the same for me. But this is your job we're talking about."

"No this is a vindictive ex with an agenda we're talking about. I've done nothing that'll get me kicked out of Thames House. No matter what she comes up with. So don't even think of leaving me to try and save me."

"Harry..."

"We're not having that conversation. Even if you weren't currently carrying my children I wouldn't entertain the idea of you sacrificing yourself for me. My job isn't worth it; I'm not worth it. We'll figure out what she's up to and come up with a solution." Lips pressing against her hair, he closed his eyes a moment before continuing. "Promise me you won't leave again."

Resting her hands on his arm, she waited a moment before nodding. "I won't leave again. No matter what."

"Thank you." Looking out the window, he told her what he knew. "After the trial, Malcolm did some digging into everyone working not only on the Grid but who had access to it. Adam did some own investigating of his own. None of us knew what they'd find but we knew someone had to give his attorney the information he had. His attorney - after the trial - did you ever look him up?"

"No. I was too shocked."

"I figured. Jonathan Lindsey is Juliet's husband."

Turning, she looked at him in shock. "But Juliet...her last name...it's Shaw."

"It's actually Lindsey. A fact that is buried very deeply in her personal file and not something many in our line of work know."

"But you do." Her tone wasn't accusatory but there was an undertone of hurt to it.

"I'd honestly forgotten but yes; I knew. She used it during our affair years ago. I hadn't thought about it in years. Not until Adam followed him to dinner one evening and told me what he saw did I remember."

"So my ex's attorney _and_ boss," she said slowly, her hands resting on his arms, "is the husband of the woman you've been sleeping with on and off for over twenty years."

"Yes. Ruth I swear I didn't know."

"Did he; Peter; know before he asked me out?"

"I ... I want to say no but we don't know."

"So this entire ordeal may have been a set up?" Tensing, she thought about everything that had happened over the last eight months and wondered if it had all happened because she knew Harry. Because someone had figured out that she'd be a weak point in his staff. "Everything that happened might have been avoided?"

Fingers spreading across her stomach, he held her to him as the fear that she'd leave him returned. "Yes." he answered softly.

She was quiet as she thought about that. Even if it wasn't true, someone somewhere might one day decide that she and the children were the weak point in getting to Harry; to furthering their point and making him do what they wanted. Fear gripped her at the thought of her babies in danger. _But the danger is there no matter what._ she thought. _Running away won't change that. It might make it worse._ And leaving would only serve to make both Harry and herself miserable. Moving her hands down his arms, she gripped his fingers with hers.

"Why'd she do it?"

"What?" he asked, confused at the change of direction. He'd fully been expecting her to say she couldn't do it; that she wouldn't put herself through the disaster that was his life at times.

"You talked to Sam before you fired her. Did she say why she turned against us?"

"She uh, she thought she was protecting you. From me. She cared about you and Juliet played on that. Told her all the things I'd done wrong in not only my career but also the parts of my private life she knew. Twisted it until she convinced Sam to share the happenings of the Grid and what she observed in her quest to get me thrown out of Thames House."

"Sam was protecting me?"

"In the beginning. Later she..." he stopped, wondering how to put the next part without hurting her too much.

"Later she what?" Sensing his hesitation, she twisted in his arms until she was looking at him. "Harry, what changed?"

"She's sleeping with Peter."

"What? Why would she do that?"

"I don't have an answer to that."

Shuddering, she met his eyes.

"What?" he asked, seeing the change in her face.

"The reason I asked; tonight; is because she's on the guest list."

"Who's on what guest list?"

"Sam. This morning I ran through the guest list to see who'd be there. Get an idea of who we might want to engage in conversation. I came across Sam's name as part of Juliet's staff. She's attending tonight's dinner - with a plus one."

"We're not going." Turning towards the front, Harry met the eyes of his driver in the rearview mirror. "Mark take us home."

"What? No. We have to go."

"No we don't. There is no way in hell I'm letting you walk into that building. Not without knowing what to expect."

"Do you honestly think they'd try something there?"

Looking down, he met her eyes. "I'm not willing to take that chance. Not with you. Or the twins." he added almost as an afterthought.

"Harry I'll be fine. They're not going to do anything in a room with over a hundred other people."

"You don't know that." Lifting a hand, he brushed it against the side of her face

"No, I don't. But even if they do, you'll be there."

"Ruth, I can't lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere. Not anymore." Leaning up, Ruth pressed her mouth against his; her eyes watching him.

Hand sliding into her loose hair, Harry kissed her softly before letting his forehead rest against hers. "I don't like this. Not one bit. We'll go for the dinner but we're leaving as soon as we can."

* * *

As the car pulled to a stop before the old factory, Harry ignored the people milling about outside and looked down at Ruth. She'd settled against his chest for the last ten minutes of the drive, her fingers tracing up and down the row of buttons in silence.

"Sir?"

Lifting his head, Harry met the eyes of his driver and nodded. "Ruth? We're here."

Head lifting, Ruth met his eyes and smiled. "Ready?"

Leaning down, he brushed his lips against hers. "Let's get this over with."


	30. Dancing With Tears in my Eyes

_Danny's dead._

It's the only thing on her mind.

_Danny's dead._

She's sat on the ground in what has become the black zone, Danny's head cradled in her lap. Her fingers are tracing the cold skin of his cheek; brushing the blood, dust and dropping tears away. Around her, rescue workers are digging through the debris, hoping to find survivors in the rubble. They'd tried to get her to leave; to go to the hospital with one of the non-critical transports; but she couldn't leave Danny. Not when there was no one else to watch over him.

He'd given his life protecting her. Pushed her from the path of the flying glass and falling wall as it had crumpled in the wake of the blast that had blown the back part of the factory turned event hall into the Thames. They'd been back there on the veranda; laughing as he'd spun her around the gray stone deck in a mock waltz.

_"You know you're going to have to name one of the twins after me." he'd said, his arm supporting her lower back as he'd lowered her into a dip._

_Fingers gripping his upper arms, she'd squealed in surprise as the cool, evening air had brushed against the skin of her bare shoulders. "Why would I want to do that?" she'd asked, a carefree smile on her face as he lifted her back up._

_Twirling her about, he'd grinned as he turned her towards the open doors of the ball room. Inside the strings of the instruments built in crescendo, the murmur of conversation momentarily drowned out. "I've been working it out and if my math is correct, I've spent more time with you and them than Harry has. That makes me the honorary second father."_

_"Oh is that how it works?"_

_"Hmm. Yes."_

_Laughing she'd slid her hand down his chest and patted it gently. "I'll let you be the one to tell Harry."_

_Smile momentarily leaving his face, he'd paused in mid-waltz and looked at her. "You know, I might be wrong in my math."_

_"Really?"_

_"Really. I think if I do it correctly, it makes me favorite Uncle."_

_"Ah. Something more agreeable to Harry?"_

_"Something like that."_

_Stopping by the brick wall overlooking the water, Danny let go of Ruth and smiled. "I've been meaning to thank you." Leaning back against the wall, elbows bent on the top ledge, he'd looked around at the others milling about outside._

_Standing next to him, back towards the building, she'd turned her head and looked at him. "For what?"_

_"Not giving up on me when Zoe left. Even when I was a right prat you kept standing by me."_

_"We're family Danny. That's what family does."_

_"Not all family." Pushing from the railing, Danny wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug, his lips pressing softly against her cheek. "So thank you."_

_Lifting her arms, she returned his loose hug. "You're welcome."_

_"You know, if I was a man prone to jealousy, I might find issue with this scene."_

_Both turned to look at Harry as he made his way towards them; hands in his coat pockets; a slight smile on his face. Hand sliding between them to rest on Danny's chest, Ruth was about to answer when the glass windows next to them blew out. Arms sliding to rest at her waist, Danny twisted himself between the debris and Ruth; pushing her away and towards the man nearing them. Shock filling her, Ruth had no time to react between the time of the explosion and finding herself pressed between the cold stone of the floor and Harry as he pushed her down and covered her._

" I'll stay here with you, I'm still here with you, Danny, I'm staying here with you." Leaning down, she pressed her lips against his forehead, tears falling from her eyes. "I won't leave you."

Crouching next to her, Harry wrapped his arm around her shoulders and held her; his forehead pressed against the side of her hair. Lips against her ear, he spoke softly.

"Ruth, we need to go to the hospital now."

Shaking her head, Ruth continued to brush her fingers along Danny's cheek. "We can't leave Danny. I promised him I wouldn't leave."

"They need to take him Ruth."

"Not yet."

Looking up as the rescue workers stopped by them, Harry gently turned Ruth's face towards his and brushed the tears from her eyes with his thumbs. Forehead resting against hers, he cradled her face in his hands. "It's time to let them help him. Let them take him somewhere safe."

As they slowly moved Danny away, Ruth tried to fight back a sob; her hands falling to her lap as Harry kept her eyes turned towards his.

"We need to go to the hospital and get you looked over."

"I'm alright."

Shifting his weight, Harry slid his hands under her arms and stood, lifting her with him. Feeling her sag against him, he bent down and lifted her into his arms. "Please? Do this for me. And for Danny."

* * *

Standing at the window overlooking the destruction across the street, the man with the cigar frowned. It wasn't supposed to have happened like this.

"I'm sorry Ol...sir. I did exactly what you said. Three crates of explosives in the boiler room."

Turning from the window, he frowned. "You idiot. I said three bands of explosives in the coat room. Do you know what you've done?"

* * *

_**AN: Thank you all for the reviews on not only the last chapter but the story in general. They mean a lot to me. I apologize for the shortness; this was incredibly hard to write; not to mention emotionally draining. I *think* the angst is over at this point; at least for now. And we've got the workings of an evil plot.**_


	31. Within Reach

_**Still Monday, April 11th**_

He found her lying on her side in the hospital gurney; her back towards the door. A white cotton blanket draped over the drab blue hospital gown she was now sporting. From his spot at the door he could just make out the IV drip the hospital staff had run when they'd walked through the doors; fear of dehydration being their sole reason for doing so. In all the confusion following the bombing and Danny's death, they'd both missed the laceration along her hair line; bleeding quietly into her chestnut hair.

But the hospital staff hadn't missed it. In all the chaos that was the A&E department, a nurse had spotted the trail of blood and whisked her away to a cubical of her own, leaving Harry just standing there. It hadn't taken long for him to be seen and given the all clear; his only souvenir of sorts a few bruised ribs and a contusion high on his left cheek from when he'd hit the stone flooring.

What had taken longer was being allowed back to see Ruth. To him; her fiancé and father of her growing embryos; he _was_ her next of kin. But the brute of a nurse at the front desk had disagreed. Her chart said differently. His threats had fallen on deaf ears as had his pleas and attempts at bribery. He'd just about reached the point of pulling out his cell phone and calling Malcolm to hack into the hospital systems to find out which room she'd been taken too when a kind doctor took pity on him and directed him to the correct room.

Which was how he found himself starring at her back.

Stepping into the room, he quietly closed the door and made his way to where she lay. Stopping behind her, he hesitated a moment; his hand suspended above her hair.

He was scared to touch her. He didn't know why but he was.

* * *

Truly alone for the first since the bombing, Ruth let her mind run through everything that had happened. She lived in a world where; though uncommon enough to cause fear and shock; bombings took place and people died. She'd gotten used to the idea. Even without the experiences she'd gained in the year and a half she'd been with Section D.

But it wasn't something that one expected to find themselves experiencing first hand; nor living through.

Being that close to death put things into prospective. People were always saying things like that when they'd come within a hairs length of dying but she'd never put much stock into it. People were different. They reacted differently to life. And yet; as she laid there on the bed waiting; she realized how true it was.

To many her life was easy. She came from a middle class family with a mother and father present during her early years. She'd attended a small nursery and though a quiet, shy girl; she had friends. Not as many as the popular girls but there were friends. She had a warm home and a full stomach every day of her life; shelves full of books and toys. In the winter she had a thick coat and water proof boots; in the summer there was air conditioning and family trips to the sea side. Even after her father's death she'd wanted for nothing except love and attention from her mother.

And to not feel so lost.

Or alone.

But all that wasn't enough to give her the self confidence and feeling of worth that others had. Given the right situation - she _could_ muster it up from within. It was there; it just needed nurturing. And many mistook her hesitancy for fear.

Or weakness.

A total lack of confidence.

She didn't fear life or all that it was; she just didn't know how to embrace it. All the hopes and dreams she had for herself were within reach.

Even before Harry.

But she was lacking the knowledge of how to take hold of that life. The heroines in the books never taught her how to grasp those things in life she wanted. They never provided the steps needed to go on a successful date or make a lasting friendship when the world thought you bonkers.

Brilliant.

But bonkers.

The books didn't show you how to take the words and thoughts in your head and express them in ways that others would understand. Or how to keep the friendships one made when you didn't quite fit into societies standards.

It was that misunderstanding that made her more nervous than anything.

The thought that people would look at her like she was even more eccentric than they already thought.

And decide that while being acquaintances was fine; anything more wasn't worth it.

Being brilliant was difficult in a world that wanted ordinary. So very difficult.

And yet somehow she had stumbled upon it.

Once she'd hit thirty she'd given up all thoughts on having what so many deemed a normal life. Men didn't find it worth their time to date a woman who found solace in the worlds that fiction created. Nor did they particularly like her hesitancy towards intimacy. Again; not borne from fear; but rather the ideals she'd garnered from the books she read and the time spent with her grandmother. The idea that she was worth more than the casual fling so many wanted to start relationships with.

With that loss of finding her so called "perfect" man, she'd also given up the idea of being a mother. It wasn't that she was against single parents; in a way she thought them stronger than those with a partner because they lacked that support. But she couldn't _see_ herself as one of them. Strong enough she could do; she'd taken care of herself in a way after her father's death. It had been the thought that there was no one person in her life she could picture as the father of any children she'd have and using some random guy didn't settle well with her.

So she'd thrown herself into her work. Which if truth be told; while exciting at times; wasn't all it was cracked up to be. She enjoyed the challenge it presented; at times; but if she was honest with herself, being behind the desk with the data wasn't all it was cracked up to be. That was a surprise to her. She respected the logical and illogical aspects that made the facts interesting but it got old after a time.

With work she managed to find a mask of normalcy. She woke up in the morning, fed herself and the cats, and puttered around before she had to make her way through the crowds. On the bus she'd sit beside some stranger; too engrossed in their own life to spare a thought for the woman sitting next to them, her nose buried in a book. At work she'd socialize; listen to the happenings of their life, tossing in a tidbit here and there; and yet somehow she'd still be alone.

That crazy woman with the cat.

And shelves full of books.

The woman everyone thought was bonkers.

Unless they took the time to get to know her. Which for many wasn't worth the effort when so many other people were easy.

And then; quite literally; she'd stumbled upon Harry.

And as they said, the rest was history. A torrid, twisted mess of history.

Even after finding out he felt the same way for her she'd found it difficult to break the patterns of her past. It was so much easier to keep someone at a distance than to let them in; to see if they could withstand her brilliance and the bonkersness that ensued.

It was easier to live in the land of fiction. Of places where one truly didn't have to be known as themselves. Where characters came to life and stories continued past the pages they rested on.

It was so much easier than living with the real people.

Challenged woman that she was, she almost missed her moment.

Almost missed that one chance at life that had jumped out at her.

Of course, the price of all this realization had been high. Almost too steep a price to pay.

She'd almost died.

Harry had almost died.

Danny _had_ died.

As had countless others.

And as she laid there, she wasn't sure about the twins. As early in the pregnancy as it was, there was a good chance of losing them. Even though she knew as yet she hadn't. Or perhaps it was just her fervently hoping she hadn't.

"Please God, let them be okay." she whispered, her hands sliding down to cover her unchanged stomach.

Hands gently rubbing soothing circles around her navel, she thought about all that had happened; not only through the course of the night; but throughout all her years of life. She couldn't continuously live in her safe world; not if she wanted to have Harry continue being in her life. It wasn't fair to either of them for her to do so. She had to trust him enough to be herself with him. And for him to continue being there.

He'd shown that tonight. In those seconds that Danny had pushed her away from the flying debris Harry hadn't even paused. He'd reacted. Wrapped himself around her and pushed her to the ground. Put himself in harm's way to keep her safe. And even when she'd been in shock at the pointless death of her friend and colleague, he'd stood by her and offered her support. All the while watching out for her.

It was time to trust him; to let herself love and be loved fully.

It was also at that time that she sensed she wasn't alone any more. Turning onto her back, she met the hazel eyes of the man she'd just been thinking about.

He was still whole.

He was still breathing.

Though in the muted light of her room she could see the beginning marks of a bruise forming on his cheek.

Moving her arms, she rested her elbows against the flimsy mattress and pushed herself into a sitting position. The lack of backing on the gurney didn't make for the most comfortable of resting places but she shifted until she was comfortable while leaving enough space for him to sit.

"Hi." she said softly, her eyes settling on his again.

Hand lowering to cover hers, Harry offered a small smile. "Hi yourself. How are you feeling?"

"Like I've just almost been blown up. How are you?"

"About the same." Still standing by the bed, he looked her over; a bit fearful that in the aftermath of everything there was some other injury they'd missed.

Turning her hand over, she linked their fingers and pulled him closer; wanting him to sit with her. As he tentatively lowered himself onto the mattress, she looked him over. "Were you seen by a Doctor?"

Bending his leg at the knee so he could turn to face her, Harry nodded. "I did. Nothing more than a few bruised ribs and a bruised cheek. How about you? Were you checked over yet?"

"They cleaned the cut on my head and butterflied it for now. They're waiting for a plastic surgeon to come and put some stitches in it; what with it being my face and all. I tried to tell them it didn't matter; that a small scar was the least of my worries; but they were insistent about the surgeon."

Lifting her hand to his lips, he pressed a kiss below the IV needle taped down. "What about...aside from that? Are you alright?"

"I don't know yet." she said softly, her eyes looking at their linked hands. "I'm still waiting for them to come in and do an ultrasound."

"They've not been in to do one yet? You've been here over an hour." The relative calm he'd been feeling since entering the room with her slipped away. Lowering her hand to the mattress, he made to stand. "I'll go see what's keeping them."

"Harry wait." she said, reaching out to snag his hand. "They'll be here when they can. They've more urgent cases that need seeing too before me. I've not had any pains or cramping so they're thinking an ultrasound is more reassurance than anything else."

With a sigh, he settled back onto the bed; his eyes watching her fingers trace against the skin of his hand. "You're right; I know; I just worry about you."

"And I love you for it. But stay with me. They'll be here when they can."

Nodding, he shifted closer; carefully moving around her IV until he was next to her. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her into a hug; her head fitting into the crevice of his neck. "Are you alright with what happened to Danny?"

"Honestly? No. But I also don't want to talk about it; not yet. There's only so much I can process; and right now I'm more worried about the twins than anything. Everything else will be there tomorrow. And the day after."

The door opened, keeping him from answering.

Both looked up and watched as a Doctor wheeled a machine into the room; stopping on the right side of the bed. Smiling at the couple before her, she looked down at her chart before speaking.

"Ms. Evershed? I'm Doctor Corday. I apologize for the wait but if you're ready, I'd like to do the ultrasound now; just to check that everything's alright?"

Nodding, Ruth felt Harry let go of her hand and stand; moving out of the way for the doctor. Shifting on the bed, she laid back; her fingers gripping the blanket as she looked at the doctor. "I had one this afternoon; checking that everything was alright during a doctor's appointment; is it safe for you to be doing another one so soon?"

"Yes." the doctor answered, picking up the tube of gel. "There's been numerous studies done that show having multiple ultrasounds during pregnancy are safe; even during the first 18 weeks. Now, this is going to be cold."

Feeling the gel hit the skin of her stomach, Ruth reached for Harry. Gripping his hand, she watched as the doctor turned the machine on and moved the machine closer. As she adjusted the dials, the doctor looked at Ruth briefly. "Was your doctor able to detect a heartbeat this afternoon?"

"Yes; on both babies."

"You're having twins?" the doctor asked, looking at the chart in surprise.

"Yes. I told the nurse when I was first brought back."

"She didn't document it but I'll make a note and follow up. Now just relax and we'll see what's going on."

Feeling Harry move closer, she lifted her eyes and met his briefly before they both turned towards the screen. For the second time that day, Ruth watched as the image of her baby filled the monitor. Looking up at Harry, she saw his attention focused on the screen; a cross between wonder and amazement on his face.

"Okay. We have one baby here with what looks like a strong heartbeat, and" shifting the responder to the left, the doctor adjusted the screen before continuing, "another one with the same strong heartbeat." Printing a picture, the doctor turned off the machine and looked at the expectant parents. "Everything looks to be alright but you're going to need to take it easy for a few days; drink plenty of water and make sure you're getting enough rest. You should also avoid all strenuous activities and limit the amount of walking you do; just as a precaution. I'm not seeing a reason that you'd need to stay for observation; just follow up with your regular doctor in a week. Unless you experience any kind of spotting, cramping or pain of any kind; then you'll need to come back straight away."

Standing, the doctor handed Ruth a tissue to clean the gel away.

"Do either of you have any questions?"

"No." Harry answered, glancing at Ruth and seeing her shake her head. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Just take it easy. Dr. Sloan should be with you in a few minutes to put those stitches in. He's just finishing up with another patient now."

At that, the Doctor left the room with a good-bye and good luck.

Sitting up again, Ruth shifted enough so Harry could sit down with her, his arm sliding around her waist to pull her close. Turning her to him, he pressed his lips against hers softly; his hand settling against her stomach. Pulling away slightly, he kept his arms wrapped around her as she settled to rest her head against his chest. Free hand finding its way to her hair, he brushed it softly; finally able to relax a bit with the news that both Ruth and the babies were going to be alright.

* * *

_**AN: Thank you all for the reviews on the last chapter - as thanks, I finished this one a bit quicker; and stayed up a bit later; than I planned. But the reviews made me happy on an otherwise sad day. Still more for April coming though it should be a bit lighter than it's been; Ruth has a birthday coming up after all; even with the death of Danny. If you've a moment, please leave a review and let me know what you think ... and ideas on what Harry should get Ruth for her birthday.**_


	32. My Heart, Your Hands

_**AN: Reviews dropped for the last chapter which I expected since it was a bit heavy; but for the few that did review - thank you and I'm glad you generally liked it. Hopefully this little bit of fluff is a bit more light hearted.**_

* * *

**Saturday, 30-April, 7.23 AM**

Lying on his side, Harry watched the gentle rise and fall each breath brought to Ruth's chest.

In.

Out.

Each breath slow and deep. And while the thick duvet that was wrapped tightly around her for warmth made the movement difficult to see, if he watched closely, it was there. For the longest time he just watched; reassured that not only was she alive but was also sleeping peacefully next to him. They'd come so close to losing each other; not only with their inability to talk but also in the fiery blast that had leveled half a brick and mortar building.

When watching became not enough, Harry lifted a hand and drew his finger down her cheek; the warmth going further to reassure him she was there. Thumb brushing against her lip, he watched as she shifted slightly. Raising his hand, he watched as a slight frown covered her features before she sighed, turned on her side and moved in his direction. Hand held above her, he felt the duvet move; letting close air slip between them; before she curled herself against his chest in sleep.

With a smile, he lowered his hand to her back and pulled her close. In the three weeks since the explosion, they'd spent a lot of time in this position; or some other like it. And white it was intimate and loving, there'd been nothing sexual about it. Not because he didn't want her; because he did; but because the doctor had said nothing strenuous that night in the hospital; and because they needed to talk.

He'd put mentioning the talk off for a few weeks. Not because he afraid she'd find reason to run again; but because he hadn't wanted to push her too soon after Danny's death. Not when he knew she'd been in shock. He'd fully expected her to blame herself; been ready to deal with it; but she'd surprised him. Not only because she hadn't but also in the strength she'd shown since. Yes she'd grieved and been upset but she'd also made an effort to not push him away.

That he'd also been ready to deal with. She had a tendency to close herself off and not share what she was truly thinking or feeling. It would hurt that she didn't trust him; he knew that; but he'd get through it. She hadn't though. There were times she hadn't made much sense or even been able to express what she was thinking but she'd tried. And he'd listened.

For three weeks they'd talked; about many different things; and worked out what they each thought was a workable solution to their weaknesses. And last night they'd come to agreements on some very important issues; which included not running away when things got difficult and the need to spend some time doing stuff together away from not only the Grid but the house as well. Even if it was just a walk in the park or dinner at the cafe down the street.

They'd fallen asleep about 11; a normal if not somewhat early time for the two of them; and Harry had woken a little before 7. He'd been content to let Ruth sleep though; watching her sleep through lazy eyes. Unbeknownst to her, he'd scheduled them both off until Wednesday with plans to take her away for her birthday. He knew she wasn't expecting it. Not only had he been careful when making the bookings but he'd given her one of the first editions she'd been looking at getting as well as a book of baby names.

She'd loved both; that he knew; but he also wanted them to spend some quality time together before the twins were born. The seven months they had before their due date would go fast. But before they could leave, there were some things that needed taking care of.

Like waking her up.

* * *

Ruth woke to the feeling of Harry's fingers trailing down her spine in slow, steady strokes. It'd been a month since they'd last made love; not wanting to go against the doctor's advice after the bombing nor wanting to rush anything before they'd a chance to properly talk; and both were keen.

Arching her back as he pressed particularly hard into the skin above her buttocks, she moaned and opened her eyes; blinking up at him in the early morning light. Seeing the smirk on his face; and knowing he wanted the same thing; she slid her hands up his bare chest and wrapped them around the back of his head. Tangling her fingers in his hair, she pulled him downwards until she could capture his lips with hers.

Rolling her onto her back, Harry pulled away from the kiss and smiled down at her.

"Good morning." he said softly, his fingers pushing the hem up her shirt up more.

"Hmm. Good morning."

Leaning down, he brushed a kiss against her lips before moving down her body. Hands pushing up her shirt, he brushed his lips against her stomach, whispering a good morning to his peanuts. Ruth smiled and ran a hand through his hair; no longer surprised at the affection he was already bestowing upon their unborn children. Feeling his lips press against her stomach again, she strained to hear what he was quietly telling them.

"Daddy loves you as does mummy but he needs you to close your eyes and your ears for awhile so he can make love to her."

Fingers gripping his hair, she pulled him up. "Harry!"

"What? It's the truth."

"You don't need to tell them that! You'll traumatize them before they're even born."

"Well we don't want them watching, do we?" weight supported on his arms, he leaned down and kissed her slowly. Feeling her smile, he moved his mouth to her ear. "Because it's been a month and I'm planning on making you come at least four times this morning."

Blushing, she turned her face towards his. "It's a good thing they won't start hearing sounds until 19 weeks then. Or seeing until they're 27 weeks."

Lowering himself against her, he smiled. "A very good thing."

* * *

**Saturday, 30-April, 9.00 AM**

"Ruth?"

"Hmm." she mumbled, face buried against his chest.

"We need to get up." he said softly, his fingers tracing along her back.

"Don't want to move."

Smiling, he tangled his fingers in her hair and lifted her up until their eyes met. "I'd love to spend all day in bed with you..."

"Then let's do it."

"But I've a late surprise planned for your birthday. And there's something I've want to ask you." he said, ignoring her comment.

"What surprise?" she asked, a grin forming on her face as she lifted herself to lean against him.

"You'll have to wait and see."

Pouting, she rested her chin on his chest and watched him.

"I promise, I'll tell you in a minute. But I want to talk to you about something first."

"Hmm. Alright."

Hand brushing the hair away from her face, he watched as she laid her cheek against his palm. "Marry me. Today."

"What?"

"I want to marry you."

"Today?"

"Yes."

"But we can't. There's the registering and the waiting period. And needing witnesses. We can't just go get married today."

"You already signed the paperwork to register."

"What? When?"

"The day after the bombing. I may have put the paperwork in with others that you needed to sign."

"Harry!"

Ignoring her outburst, he continued. "And pulled some strings to push it through without you being there. Don't be mad. After everything that's happened; between Danny dying and the hospital not letting me back to you; I don't want to wait any longer. I know you think it's all moving too fast but please, think about it. For me."

She watched him for a moment, her eyes taking in his face. "Okay." she answered softly.

"I mean really think about it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and while we don't have to be married, it'll make some things so much easier. I can't promise perfect all the time, but I'll try for good."

"Alright. We can get married today."

Not hearing her, he continued. "I know we haven't talked about it you want a big wedding or not; and if you do, we can wait; but I want to get married sooner rather than later. How I don't care."

"Harry, I'll marry you."

"And if we get married now, no one can keep us apart. Legally or any other way. So please; for us; consider..."

Realizing that he wasn't hearing her, Ruth reached up with her hands and grabbed his face. Pressing her mouth against his, she kissed him until he responded. Pulling away, she smiled at the shocked look on his face. "I said I'd marry but you wouldn't stop talking long enough to hear."


	33. An Interlude to Romance

**Saturday, 30-April, 13.37**

The gentle, rolling hills of the English country side surrounded them as they traveled down the M4; Radio 3 playing quietly. Splashes of colors dotted around the freshly planted fields; the yellows of tulips and purples of crocuses breaking up the miles of green. Between them, their linked hands rested on the leather console, fingers tracing over the others skin.

Every once in awhile, Ruth brushed the tip of a finger along the band of gold she'd placed on his left ring finger; a smile on her face as she thought of the morning they'd had. The look of disbelief and then utter joy that had fitted across his face when he'd realized she had agreed to his plan would be something she'd never forget.

As the last strains of piano from Bach's Toccata in E Minor gave way to the afternoon host, Harry lifted their joined hands to his lips.

Turning from the window, Ruth met his eyes briefly and smiled before he turned his focus back to the motorway. Switching lanes, he veered the SUV onto the A350 and let their hands settle on the console again. Fingers squeezing hers, he voiced the thought he'd be thinking about all morning.

"Ruth, are you sure you were okay with the wedding?"

"Of course. I couldn't have asked for anything more."

"I feel a bit guilty that it wasn't more than just us and the registers clerks as witnesses. By rushing it, I took the chance of a big wedding away from you."

Glancing down at the joined hands, she let her finger caress his ring again before speaking. "Harry, all it was ever going to need to be perfect was for you to be there with me. I've never been the girl who wanted a big wedding; even as a teenager."

"So it's true than, girls do dream about their wedding?"

"I guess. I can't speak for every teenage girl; and I was nowhere near as bad as some of the girls; but I did wonder every now and then."

Curious, he wondered what would have been her dream wedding. "If we'd waited and planned your dream wedding, what would you have done?"

"Married you."

With a shake of his head and a smile, he glanced over at her. "Cheeky."

"I'm serious. The how and when didn't matter to me." she paused a moment; a thought coming to her; before continuing. "Well no, that's not true. I wanted to be married before the twins came."

"You'd never thought about our wedding?" Seeing her blush and look out the window, he smirked. "You _have_ thought about it!"

Trying to fight a smile, she looked back at him. "Of course I have. I thought about it before you'd even tried to ask me out to coffee. But it was silly."

"Tell me about it."

"_Harry._" she was almost whining as she said his name and he had to fight to keep from laughing.

"I've never thought your ideas silly. A bit elaborate at times, but never silly. And really, it's a simple question Ruth. What would our wedding have been like if it'd given you time to plan it?"

"You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"No. So you'd be wise to just tell me."

With a sigh, she shook her head. "I would have liked it to be a quiet, intimate wedding; preferably on an early December evening. We'd invite just our close friends; and your kids if they'd come. I wouldn't want anything overly big or elaborate. Maybe an old house somewhere in London with the ceremony lit entirely by candles. Boughs of Holly and Evergreens would make up the bulk of the decoration with a splash of holiday flowers mixed throughout; and somewhere in the house a fire would be burning, filling the house with the scent of freshly burnt wood."

"What would you be wearing?"

"What?" She looked over at him in confusion.

"I'm trying to picture all this in my mind."

"And you need to know what I'm wearing?"

"Yes. Even if you've not actually looked at dresses, you've some idea what you want. Appease me."

"I...I'm not sure. I guess something vintage like. Maybe along the style of a soft Chiffon sheath tank with a lace back in white. Nothing too big or poufy."

"Hmmm."

Looking over at his strange tone, she lifted an eyebrow. "What are you thinking about?"

"You at our dream wedding."

"_Harry._"

"What?"

"You look like you're having entirely...impure thoughts."

"You lit by candlelight in a form fighting dress that's hugging your post pregnancy curves; and getting to peel that dress off you later in the evening; of course I'm having impure thoughts."

"Harry." she said, trying not to blush at the images he was creating for her.

"See, now you're thinking the same thing." Glancing over at her again, he grinned. "My lips trailing a path down the curve of your neck as my fingers slide under the lace covering your..."

Turning back to the road, she shook her head. "Just drive."


	34. Chapter 34

**Saturday Evening**

Standing outside the door to their room, Harry placed the key in the lock before turning to look at Ruth. "Stay here."

Meeting his gaze with confusion, Ruth looked around the hall and then into the darkened room. "Why?"

"Because there's something I need to do and I have to put these bags down first. So stay here."

"In the hall?"

"Just for a minute."

"But in the hall? Couldn't I stand just inside the door?"

Laughing, Harry leaned over, brushing her lips with a kiss. "No. You need to stay here."

Frowning, she watched as he stepped through the doorway to the small suite he'd booked. A moment later a light flicked on and she saw him setting their bags on the settee before turning back to her. As he crossed the distance from settee to doorway, he did away with the jacket and tie he'd been wearing as well as his shoes.

"Comfortable?" she asked as he stopped next to her.

"Almost."

"May I come in now? Or is there something else you need to do first?"

Without warning, Harry swept her into his arms; smirking as she let out a small squeal of surprise and wrapped her arms around his neck. "No, you can come in."

Heart beating faster than normal, Ruth breathed out, "What are you doing?"

"Carrying you across the threshold. What does it look like I'm doing? Stepping over said threshold, Harry turned and used his foot to kick the door shut before looking down to meet her eyes. "Now, if you could do me another favor and kick off those ridiculously high heels you insisted on wearing, I'd be forever grateful."

Shaking her head, Ruth smiled but did what he asked; one shoe landing in his, the other somewhere under the desk.

As he reached the bed, Harry carefully lowered her to the mattress. Arms still wrapped around his neck, she smiled as he leaned over her; weight supported on his arms; and grinned down at her.

"Now Ms. Evershed, I'd like..."

"It's Pearce." she said, cutting him off with her own grin.

"What?"

Pulling her left hand from around his neck, she held it in front of his face; rings glinting in the soft light of the room. "This, and that signed piece of paper you kept sneaking glances at through dinner when you thought I wasn't paying attention makes it Pearce, not Evershed. You couldn't have forgotten that fast."

"No, that's not something I could forget." Eyes shifting from the ring to hers, he grinned; a predatory look in his gaze. Holding her gaze, he slowly wrapped his mouth around her finger, his tongue running along the side of it as he gently sucked.

"Oh!" she gasped as sensation flooded her.

Letting the finger slide from his mouth, Harry kissed the palm of her hand before running his tongue up to swirl over the pulse in her wrist. Following her racing heart beat, he leisurely trailed kisses and nips up the length of her arm. Reaching the top, Harry lifted his face until his lips hovered over hers.

"I love you Mrs. Pearce."

Fingers twisting in the hair at his nape, she grinned. "I love you too Mr. Pearce. Now shut up and kiss me." Lifting herself up, she met his lips with hers.

Never one to deny her, Harry met her lips with his, kissing her sweetly for the moment. Tongue tracing over her lower lip, he slowly slipped it inside on her sigh and brushed it against hers. Shifting his weight to his knees, their kiss deepened as he slid his hands back along her shoulders. Finding the zip to her dress, he slowly lowered it; fingers brushing along her spine.

Pulling out of the kiss, Harry trailed his lips along her chin, her neck, the curve of her breast bone as he peeled the white cotton lower, exposing the white lace of her bra. Smiling, he nuzzled his nose against her soft skin, breathing in the subtle scent of soap and skin. Suddenly he wrapped his mouth around her hardened nipple and sucked, teeth nipping gently on the puckered flesh.

Ruth arched her back as she cried out. The combined feeling of his moist mouth and teeth along with the rough lace of her bra creating sensations deep within her. Fingers still twisted in his hair, Ruth pulled him away.

"I need you inside of me." she whispered at his look. "Please."

"Demanding little thing today, aren't you?" he asked though the grin on his face let her know he was kidding.

Divesting them of the rest of their clothes, he was soon hovering over her; his erection teasing her. Fingers brushing her cheek, Harry leaned down and kissed her, his tongue sliding between her parted lips as he continued to tease her.

With a frustrated groan, Ruth reached her arms around him and pulled him flush against her; her hips lifting as he brushed against her moist hear. Impatient, she reached down between them, stroking him lightly as she guided him into her. Sighing at the feeling of him sliding into her, she wrapped her legs around his hips and arched her back; pulling him even deeper.

At the frantic pace she was setting, Harry knew he wouldn't last long. Moving his hand to her clitoris, he massaged her in time with each thrust. He felt her body tense then spasm as her climax overtook her. Thrusting one last time, he climaxed; face buried in her neck.

Slowly, reality came back to him, and he realized his weight was pushing her into the mattress. Sliding his arms around her, he rolled them until she was draped over him. Eyes a heavy mix of lust and exhaustion, she smiled at him.

"I love you." she mumbled.

"I love you too; now sleep."

* * *

_**AN: This is the last bit of April; a bit of smut. Next will be May. I'm hoping to have some up tonight but we're settling in for Hurricane Sandy here in the Philadelphia Region and we've been told to expect power outages so it might be later than tonight.**_


	35. Chapter 35

As dusk settled upon the city of London, a single man made his way through the crowded streets of rush hour. It was easy to get lost in the masses of people; something the man was counting on. As he circled the Victoria Embankment Gardens, he became satisfied that there were no tails. Settling onto a lone park bench, he waited.

"Oliver."

Turning at the voice, he watched as a woman settled on the bench next to him. "Juliet."

Neither spoke for a moment; rather they looked around, watching for anything out of the ordinary. As the street lights flicked on, both settled as much as spooks in the open could.

Without preamble, Juliet turned on him. "I'm still trying to clean up the mess you made with that bomb."

"The mess _I_ made? You're the one who put me in contact with the American."

"You're the one who insisted on maintaining contact with him and provided him with the materials. What did you did you do, hand him the keys to our storehouse?"

"You gave me the name of an idiot. You're just as responsible for the deaths of those 37 people as I am. Don't forget that." With an angry sigh, he turned and looked at her. "This isn't getting us anywhere. We both fucked up and now we have to reign in Harry and his merry mutts."

Fingers tapping against the fabric of her pants, Juliet nodded as she looked around. "They're still a long way off from connecting us to the bombing but you know how Harry is when something gets in his paw."

"He wouldn't be a problem at all if you'd turned him to our side last autumn."

"Come on Oliver. You and I both know Harry is too moral to join our little club. The only way we're going to get around him is to out him from his little kingdom."

"Yet you assured me you'd be able to turn him."

"Well I didn't exactly count on him falling for that mouse."

At that Oliver smirked, knowing how it bothered Juliet that she'd been ousted by, surprisingly, Ruth Evershed. Which, if rumors were to be believed, had married Harry the month before. Looking at the people passing by, Oliver tapped a finger against his pursed lips.

"You know, we would use that to get him."

Juliet stopped her triad and looked over at the man. "You mean use his lover as leverage?"

"Hmm. Did you get anything useful out of the decadent Ms. Buxton?"

"No. That source turned out to be a fluke. But I'm keeping her around as a means of keeping Mr. Morgan happy. Peter Morgan is turning out to be a wonderful fountain of information on the mouse."

"Just be careful. He does anything too soon and we'll have Harry's full focus on us."

Looking out over the park, Juliet sighed. "And we don't want that."

.

"Harry."

Glancing up from his desk, Harry smiled at his wife standing in the doorway; her hair pulled away from her face. They'd been married three weeks and so far, things between them had been good. Actually, they were better than good.

"Harry?" Ruth asked again; question in her eyes at his lack of answer.

"Yes Ruth?"

"Are you okay?"

Smiling, he placed his pen on the desk and leaned back in his chair, watching her. It was obvious to anyone who looked at her now that she was pregnant; and possessive as he was, he was loving it. "I'm fine Ruth."

"Alright." she said, pausing to watch him. "Adam needs us in the briefing room. He's an update on the dinner bombing."

Standing, Harry straightened the papers on his desk before crossing the room. Stopping next to her, he lightly brushed his fingers across her bump and smiled. Meeting her eyes, he spoke quietly. "How are you and the nuts?"

"We're fine." Smiling at him, she brushed her fingers across his. "I thought we agreed to be professional at work."

"I am being professional."

"So you feel up all your pregnant employees while standing in the doorway to your office?"

"Only when they're my wife." Turning her around, he led her towards the briefing room. Leaning over her shoulder as they crossed the threshold, he whispered, "I _wanted_ to kiss you."

Stepping into the room, he pulled the chair to the right of his out. As she settled into it, he slowly pushed it in and sat.

Both watched as Adam stepped to the far end of the table and began.

_**AN: Hopefully I'll get the briefing up later tonight but this was a good point to break it up. Sadly we haven't seen the last of Peter yet for those who were wondering though he'll be a bit quiet for a few months.**_

_**For those on the North/Mid Eastern Seaboard of the US like myself, stay safe as Sandy makes landfall between six and seven tonight near Atlantic City. I'll be on facebook, tumblr and livejournal until we lose power/cell phone service; which are all in my profile.**_


	36. Chapter 36

As everyone settled around the table, Adam tapped a few keys on the laptop he'd brought with him. A black and white image appeared on it of an older man with pock marks marring his skin.

"Ted Anders. 51 years of age. Born in New York City. Reports show he's been in and out of trouble over the years; both with US officials as well as International. He's been on our watch lists for some time as a low level threat. Sources picked him up entering the country nine weeks ago on a tourist visa with this woman who is thought to be his girlfriend."

Another image appeared on the screen.

"Kelly Roberts. Also American. Born in Florida. 37 years old. While she's not on any official watch lists, she is a known associate of our suspect. Many agencies believe she's the brains but no one has been able to verify this information. Our Intel on this Kelly is very limited but from what we've been able to gather is if you want something from Ted, you have to go through Kelly."

Harry leaned back in his chair, finger over his bottom lip as he listened to the information.

"How sure are we that he's the bomber?"

"As sure as we can be with the information we've gathered." Turning to the laptop, Adam tapped a few more keys and brought up CCTV footage from the night in question. "Colin and Ruth have been going over the footage from that night and he's the anomaly. We've received no definite intel that he was hired to do it; but what is an American with no political connections doing at a political dinner in London? We've gone over all the guest lists and he's not connected to anyone. He wasn't working; or if he was it was illegally; as he's not a UK citizen, nor is he here on any work visa."

"That's not enough to confirm he's our man."

"No but we did find this." Changing the video footage on screen, they watched as the screen suddenly showed the man in question entering the boiler room with three wooden crates. "This was taken the morning of the dinner - _after_ security made their final sweep of the building."

Leaning forward, Harry steeped his fingers and watched the screen. With a sigh, he looked at Adam.

"It's still not concrete proof."

Adam turned to the others and nodded. "I know. We need to get someone close to him. Get a bug into the flat he's staying in. And I think the answer is through the woman."

"I volunteer for that assignment."

"Not going to work mate."

Looking at Adam, Zaf frowned. "Trust me, I could make it work."

"You're about twenty years too young. While it appears she's open to other relationships; including one night stands; our Ms. Roberts prefers...more mature men." Pausing, he lifted his eyes towards Harry. "How out of practice are your skills of seduction?"

* * *

Opening the door to the roof, Harry was greeted with a warm breeze. The chill of winter had officially passed for another year; and the sun was making a welcome appearance. As he let the door close, Harry turned to look at Ruth; leaning against the side of the building; hands lightly gripping the railing. She looked peaceful; relaxed; and he didn't want to disturb her.

"I can feel you watching me."

Shaking his head; a slight smile on his face; Harry crossed until he stood next to her. "Hi," he said, as though he hadn't seen her just twenty minutes prior.

Turning to look up at him, she smiled softly. "Hi."

"Are you alright?" reaching a hand out, he covered hers.

"Hmm. Yes. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You know why. I'm worried."

"Worried in general or worried with how I'll react to my husband having to seduce another woman?" Seeing his downcast look, she turned her hand over and squeezed his fingers. "I'm fine. Really. It's just...hard. You know my insecurities; and while I know it's only for work and means nothing, I'm scared."

Reaching the short distance to her, Harry wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her against him. Eyes closing, he pressed his face against her hair. "You have nothing to worry about. I love _you_." Feeling her wrap her arms around his middle, he pressed his lips against her head. "And I'm not sleeping with her. You know that. All I'll be doing is making her think I want to."

"You'll still have to talk to her. Look at her. Kiss her. Touch her. Possibly even undress her."

"I won't lie and say you're wrong. The only way this'll work is if I make her think I want her. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to enjoy this or see it as anything but my job. There's only one woman that I want to do all that with and she's currently in my arms."

"I know I'm being irrational and insecure. I'm trying not to be; really I am. It's hard though to change a lifetime of habits." Leaning back, she looked up at him. "Just promise me one thing. Promise that you'll come home to me."

Leaning down, Harry brushed his lips across hers before answering.

"I'll always come home to you."

* * *

_**AN: Survive storm. Check. Avoid any kind of property damage. Check. Spend too much time obsessing about my lack life and the unfairness I wasn't born in a fictional world while said storm is occurring. Double check. Thank you all for reading, reviewing and/or PMing; the reviews I had this morning helped me to smile.**_


	37. He's famous for his long--sword

As he stood outside the pub, Harry took a deep, calming breath and squared his shoulders.

It'd been years since he'd actively been in the field. And even longer yet since he played a honey trap to a woman while married to another. It was something he'd thought banished to his past.

The difference this time round; unlike those in the past; was that he wasn't looking forward to the seduction part. He'd always loved women; from the chase and seduction to the physical act of sex; they'd played an important part in the man he had been. But with age and the loneliness that came with easy, random sex, he'd changed. Albeit a bit slowly; but he'd changed.

Had his thirty year old self seen his fifty-plus self, he'd have been mortified. And perhaps a bit miffed. Whereas he'd been content to the life he lived then; with the pub scene and easy women; now he'd rather be at home with Ruth.

Curled together on the couch watching some period piece or history documentary she'd found on the television.

One hand splayed protectively over their children; the other somehow tangled in her hair.

She'd been remarkably calm when he'd left the Grid the hour before. After their talk on the roof and subsequent cuddle; which had completely tossed the no cuddling or snogging at work rule she'd come up with out the window; Ruth had thrown herself into creating his legend with Malcolm.

Which was whom he had to become now.

Wilson Gitts. 52 years of age. Unhappily married father with two teenage children up to London from Yorkshire for the week on business. Wife and kids at home.

I am Wilson Gitts. I'm a middle aged man in an unhappy marriage. I want an easy, no strings attached fuck. Tonight.

He repeated this mantra again; pushing Harry to the back of his mind.

For this to work, _he_ had to believe he was Wilson Gitts.

Reaching to his throat, he undid his silk tie; shoving it into the pocket of the coat he'd worn. Undoing the top two buttons of his shirt, he rolled his neck and ran a hand through his short hair; musing it up a bit.

Opening the door, he stepped into the room and looked around. Spotting his mark at the far end of the bar, he casually made his way over. Settling on a stool two seats down, he smiled at her before looking at the bar tender.

"Whiskey. Neat."

As his drink was being prepared, he slowly looked around the room; taking in the different women before turning his attention; once again; to the blond. Let his eyes travel appreciatively over the long legs being shown by her short skirt, lingering a moment too long on the tight fighting material of her blouse, and finally traveling the long curve of her throat to meet her eyes.

Seeing her empty drink, he lifted an eyebrow and tilted his drink in question towards hers. At her slight nod of acceptance, he signaled the bar tender and ordered her a second drink. As she accepted the drink, she stood and made her way to the empty stool to his right.

"Thank you Mr..."

"It's Wilson."

"Thank you Mr. Wilson."

Laughing slightly, he smiled at her with lazy eyes. "No, Wilson's my first name."

"Well than, thank you Wilson." Sliding a perfectly manicured hand to him, she smiled. "I'm Kelly."

Taking the hand in his left, he kept his eyes on hers as he slowly bent over and pressed a kiss against the skin; his tongue lightly brushing against her. "It's a _pleasure._

Glancing at his hand holding her, she put an obviously fake frown on her face. "Are you here to meet your wife?"

"God no. The harpy's at home with the kids."

Meeting his eyes from under her eyelashes, she smiled again at him. "And where is home?"

"Leeds."

Turning the stool towards him, she crossed her legs at the knee; inching the shirt she wore higher up her thigh.

As they talked, Harry felt himself slipping into a role he'd once played so well. Some things one never forgot.

A brush of the hand here. A quick smile and husky laugh at a small joke. Eyes flicking between hers and her lips.

For the hour and a half they sat at the bar flirting; it could only be called that for talking meant there was something of value being said; he found himself inching infinitely closer until his fingers just happened to accidently brush against the pale skin of her upper thigh. When she didn't flinch away but rather smiled at him, he let his fingers spread out so that his entire hand was resting against her.

Picking up her drink, Kelly finished it and slid off the stool; making sure his hand slid further up her leg until the tips of his fingers could _just_ brush against the lace of her knickers. Leaning towards him, she smiled as she slid a hand between the open material of his shirt; fingers sliding against his chest.

"I think we both know where this is going. Let's skip the games, shall we, and just get to the fucking."

Placing his drink on the counter, Harry stood; pressing her and his trapped hand between the rest of his body and the other bar stool.

"My hotel's a bit of a distance," he said, naming a place clear across town.

Stepping away, she let his hand slide down her leg. "That's fine. My flat's around the corner. If that's alright."

Nodding, he gestured for her to lead the way. As they stepped from the warm room into the cool air, Harry found himself glancing around covertly for the surveillance van he knew was parked close by. Passing by a dark alley, he found himself pressed against the brick of the wall; his mouth assaulted by the lips of the woman he was with.

"Or we could fuck here."

Hands sliding over her shoulders, he let his fingers dip below the material before pushing her back slightly.

"I want to be able to sample everything" he paused a moment, eyes traveling the distance from her feet to her lips slowly, "you have to offer."

Fingers running back and forth against the top of her breast, he moved his knee to rest against the center of her knickers. "And this alley doesn't offer me the chance to taste the full spread."

"I can't wait." she said, eyes gleaming in the darkness.

* * *

Unlocking his front door, Harry slowly stepped into the house and stopped. It was almost three hours from that moment in that alley. Three long hours in which he'd managed to get into her flat to leave the little gift he'd brought and then extract himself gently so as not to ruffle her too much but fast enough that he hadn't needed to do something he'd regret.

Following the silent ride to the Grid in a van where Zaf kept throwing appreciative glances his way and Malcolm kept frowning, Harry had felt a mix of disappointment and relief that Ruth was nowhere to be found. He had hopes that she hadn't seen or heard the events of the night because even though ultimately nothing had happened, he knew her well enough to know she'd be bothered.

That relief had been broken when Adam had said she'd left soon after they'd extracted him; taking the SUV home. He'd been briefed by Adam; getting the unpleasant experience over with before sending everyone home for the night. His ride in the back of a staff car had given him time to think; and worry; about what Ruth's reaction would be.

Sliding off his shoes, he spared a glance into her reading room before following the sounds of the telly. Finding her curled on the couch; olive green throw wrapped around her; and animals against her side, he smiled. This was how he'd wanted to spend his evening.

"Hi." he said softly, crossing the room to where she sat.

"Hi." she said back, looking up at him through guarded eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked, leaning down to brush her lips with a soft kiss.

Feeling her hand on his chest stopping him, he frowned; his eyes meeting hers as worry settled in his stomach.

Seeing the look that flashed through his eyes, she sighed.

"I know everything that happened; you know I was watching on the Grid; and while I trust you fully, I can't kiss you until you've showered and brushed your teeth. I just...can't. I'm sorry."

"Ruth..."

"Harry, please. I'm not angry or even insanely jealous. I promise. I know _you_ weren't cheating on me; that it was all for work and the greater good of our country. I just can't get the image of your hands and lips on her out of my mind; especially when you smell of her cheap perfume."

Eyes sad, he nodded and muttered softly that he understood before leaving the room.

He spent twenty minutes under the prickling spray of water at its hottest setting; skin turning red as he scrubbed and scrubbed in the scalding water. Stopping briefly in their bedroom, he pulled on a pair of loose, black track pants and gray Oxford shirt, he was soon on his way back down to the sitting room.

Finding her still curled under the blanket, he padded barefoot across the wooden floor and stopped behind her and the arm of the couch. Hand gently stroking her hair, he worriedly watched as she leaned her head back and looked up at him; a smile appearing on her face.

Breathing a deep sigh of relief, Harry leant over and captured her lips in a possessive kiss. Tonight had been hell; something he didn't want to relive. Throughout his shower, he had spent the time imaging what he'd be feeling if it had been Ruth who had gone out as a honey trap.

If it had been Ruth flirting with another guy, being kissed by another guy, pressed against a cold wall. If it was Ruth who had returned to their home mussed and smelling of another man's cologne. He hadn't liked it.

Not only had he felt dismay but an anger raged through him to a depth he very rarely felt.

And _he_ wasn't the one who had to worry about their spouses past history of cheating on previous partners. He couldn't even begin to imagine what she was currently feeling.

Hand still in her hair, he lifted his head and smiled softly at her.

"Scoot up."

Unwrapping the blanket from around her shoulders, Ruth did what he asked. Settling himself on the cushions behind her, he pulled her back against his chest and wrapped the blank around them again.

Turning on her side; hand and head resting against his chest; she looked up at him as he settled.

Legs stretched out, Harry reclined against the arm and met her eyes.

"Comfortable?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Good. Now tell me the truth, are you okay?" Worry seeped into his voice again as his fingers traced up and down her bare arm.

"It was hard to watch." she said softly, her fingers playing with the fabric of his gray t-shirt. "And to hear. It felt so...real. I know it wasn't; but God, you're good at that."

"I need you to know that it meant nothing to me. That the entire time I felt nothing but disgust." Handing sliding under her chin to lift her eyes to his, he continued. "And I promise you, _nothing_ happened."

"I know. It's just..."

"Just what?" he asked quietly, fingers still lightly gripping her chin.

"Tonight I saw a completely different side to you. One I'd never seen before. And I have to wonder if part of you doesn't miss that?"

"Of course I don't. How could I? With you, I've found something wonderful."

"Are you sure? Because the man I saw tonight wasn't the same man I know. And it makes me wonder."

"About what?"

"Why you were never like that with me. Did I not...excite you?"

"You excite me more than you could ever imagine. In so many different ways. Just as you intrigue me, arouse me, fill me with joy...and worry, and complete me. I never wanted to seduce you Ruth because to me, that type of seduction is nothing more than a casual fling. And you've always been so much more to me than that. You know my past. You know I've been with my fair share of women; it was always easy to get a woman to have sex; but I've never wanted someone in my life the way I want you there. With you, it's not just about sex; but love and spending the rest of my life with you."

"How did you know I was different?" she asked softly.

"I knew when you tripped into the briefing room that you were something special and I wanted to get to know you. Not intimately; that came later; but you. I wanted to know what your passions were and what could get your roused up. I wanted to know if you liked a lie in on an off morning, how you liked your tea, and if you preferred classic movies to current trendy ones. That was something I'd never wanted before."

Holding her close, he leaned down and kissed her hair.

"Now that I've answered your question, can you answer one for me?"

"What's that?"

Fingers sliding under the hem of his old rugby shirt she was wearing, he caressed hard bump that was their children.

"What do you want?"

Confused, she lifted her face to his again. "What do I want when?"

"When the twins are born. Are you hoping for two girls or two boys or maybe one of each?"

"What do you want?"

"I asked you first."

"I'm the one who had to worry about you in the field tonight."

Conceding, he smiled and let his hand rest for a moment over the center of her stomach. "The only thing I'm concerned about is that they; and you; are healthy throughout this whole pregnancy and after. We could have any combination and I'd be happy."

"Me too." she said softly, hand moving to cover his. "But I want to find out ahead of time what they are. We can't keep calling them peanuts."

"Like hell we can't. They'll forever be my; our; little peanuts. Even when they're having children of their own."

* * *

_**AN: I can't take credit for the title of this chapter; that goes to Edmond Rostand and his Cyrano de Bergerac.**_


	38. Give It Away

The ringing of the phone pulled Ruth from her most recent translations. Sliding the headphones from her ears she reached out a hand and snagged the headset. Lifting it to her ear, she managed a quick hello before she heard the tired and annoyed voice of her husband.

"Ruth have you requested the file on James Moran from registry yet?"

"Last night. I left it on your desk before leaving."

Looking around at the various files and folders, Harry frowned. "I can't find it."

Looking up from her computer, she watched as he searched through the papers. "It's under the stapler."

"Under the stapler," he muttered, his eyes scanning the wooden surface.

"To your right," she said quietly, "next to the monitor."

"How'd it get there?"

"I put it there."

"Why?" Before she could answer, Harry found the folder. Lifting it, he began looking over the contents; eyes scanning the meager offering of documents. Frowning as he reached the end, he turned back a page. "The transcripts from the phone call GCHQ intercepted last week aren't in here."

"I haven't had a chance to transcribe them yet. GCHQ sent over the voice files this morning."

"Get started on them now then. We need them before our next briefing."

Looking at the clock, Ruth frowned; not realizing how late it had gotten. Their next sonogram appointment was in less than an hour. "Harry..."

"Oh, and I need you to call our contact for William Sampson and schedule an appointment for Fiona and I. Preferably for tomorrow morning."

"Harry..."

Hearing a click and then dead air, Ruth pulled the headset away and looked at it before glancing up at the office, a frown settling on her face. He'd hung up on her. She knew the past few weeks and the coming election were getting to him but this was getting ridiculous. Pushing her chair back, Ruth stood and crossed to his door, her hands smoothing down the lightweight jumper she wore. Sliding it open, she stepped into the room.

"Harry we need..."

"Did you call Sampson and schedule an appointment?" he asked, not looking up from the file he was reading.

"No but..."

"I need you to do that now. Fiona and I need time to prep before the meeting."

"Harry would you just..."

"Ruth please, I need that appointment."

Getting frustrated at the constant interruptions, she took a step further into the room. "Harry really we ne..."

"Not now Ruth." As his phone rang, he spared a glance at her before answering it. "Harry Pearce."

Taking a deep breath to calm her rising blood pressure, she watched him a moment before he waved her away. Walking out the door, she stopped herself from doing the childish thing of slamming it shut and made her way to the forgery suite.

"Malcolm?" she called out, pausing in the doorway.

"Yes Ruth?"

Smiling at him as he slid out from behind the computer, she stepped over to him. "I need you to do me a favor."

"Of course."

"Harry is demanding an appointment with William Sampson tomorrow morning, and I don't have time to call."

"Any specific time?" he asked, taking out a pen to jot down the name.

"Not from the great and powerful Oz but his lowly secretary says make it as early as humanly possible."

Glancing up at her tone, he fought back a small smile. "Don't take it personal; he's under a lot of pressure with this election coming up."

"Bully for him. I'm tired of being his proverbial punching bag and personal assistant as he deals with this latest crisis." Shaking her head, she stopped. "And I'm sorry, this isn't any of your concern."

"Quite alright. If you ever need to talk, I am here." he said, lying his hand on her arm.

"Thank you." Looking at her watch, she sighed. "I have to go or I'm going to miss my appointment. Will you let him know what time his meeting is?"

Reaching for the phone, Malcolm nodded his consent. "And if he asks why I'm doing it instead of you?"

"Tell him to look at his diary."

* * *

Stepping into the empty waiting room, Ruth settled into a chair and pulled out her phone.

No missed calls.

With a sigh, she put the phone back in her purse before leaning her head back and closed her eyes.

It looked like Harry was going to miss another one of their appointments. So far, he'd missed them all; even when she'd managed to reschedule them to try and fit his schedule better. Between investigating the bombing that had killed Danny and the upcoming elections, his diary had been a hodgepodge of double and triple meetings. More so since they had managed to plant the bug in Anders flat.

The fact that he hadn't made any of the appointments upset her; she wouldn't deny it; but she also understood the pressure he was under. She also knew the fact he'd missed them all upset him a great deal and seeing her upset would only further that.

She could understand his frustration.

Both with the missed appointments and with the stress at work.

But it didn't excuse the way he'd been treating her the past week. Busy or not, he'd become a grumpy sod. One she had rarely seen aside from across the grid or for a few scant hours when he finally made it home to sleep and shower.

Hand sliding over her bump, she took a deep, calming breath like the book had said. Her last appointment, the doctor had expressed some concern over her blood pressure and suggested not only watching the salt intake of her diet but also her stress level.

Harry and his constant requests hadn't been helping the latter.

Fingers stroking in a gentle circle, she thought about more calming, positive thoughts.

Like her planned evening of doing nothing but reading Homer. With Scarlett and Fidget. Stretched across the couch of her reading room.

And no Harry.

Perhaps she'd take Scarlett for a long walk after dinner. To that park near the house where she liked to chase the squirrels. It'd been awhile since they'd been there.

Maybe take a nice, long bath before bed.

She was pulled from her thoughts by a hand settling over hers; of lips brushing against her cheek. Opening her eyes, she turned her head and starred.

Settling into the chair next to her, Harry kept his hand over hers as he met her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Whatever for?" A sarcastic undertone filling her voice. "You made it."

"Ruth that's not ..."

Cutting him off, she turned back to the room. "Don't say it unless you mean it."

Arm sliding behind her shoulders, he leaned close to her ear. "I am sorry. I know I've been taking you for granted the past few weeks."

Turning, she met his eyes as their noses brushed. "I'm your senior analyst who also happens to be your wife. I'm _not_ your secretary or personal assistant."

"I know," he said softly, "I'm not seeing you as my secretary or personal assistant. Rather I see you as the one person on both the Grid and at home that I can explicitly trust. And sometimes I forget not to take advantage of that."

"Harry..."

Leaning forward, he captured her lips in a gentle kiss. "I'm sorry. And I love you."

"I love you too. Even when you are being an insufferable sod."

"Mrs. Pearce?"

Both turned at the sound of her name. Standing, Harry offered her his hand and gently pulled her to her feet.

* * *

"How are you feeling today Ruth?"

Settled on the exam table, Ruth watched the doctor read over her chart. "Alright. A bit nauseous at night or whenever someone has a coffee."

From his seat next to her, Harry frowned at the new piece of information. "You never said anything."

"You've been busy with work." she said, turning to look at him. "And getting home later than normal. It was nothing to worry you with."

"I do worry about you. And the peanuts. Constantly. Please don't keep things from me."

"I wasn't actively keeping it from you."

"Right," said the doctor, putting down the chart and picking up the tube of gel, "I don't think the nausea is anything to worry about but if it gets worse, we'll try some medicine."

Redness rose to her cheeks as Ruth turned towards the doctor; embarrassed at having a disagreement in front of the doctor. "Sorry." she said softly.

Laughing, the doctor smiled at her. "Nothing to be sorry for. You'd be amazed at the things people disagree about when they're sitting here. I do have someone in labor though so I hope you'll forgive me if I move the appointment along."

"Of course." Harry said, taking Ruth's hand in his.

"This will be cold." Lifting her shirt, the doctor squeezed the gel onto her bump. Taking the wand in her hand, the doctor adjusted the screen until the image came into focus. As she moved pressed the device into Ruth's stomach, she smiled. "Both fetus look to be growing well. And I think we may be able to tell the genders, if you're interested?"

"Please."

Nodding, the doctor adjusted the image on the screen before smiling. As she moved the image closer on the first fetus, she used a finger to point at the screen where you could see the clear development of genitalia. "Well, this little guy isn't shy."

"Sounds like his father." Ruth said, smiling as she looked over at her husband.

Harry stared in amazement as the image cleared, his hand squeezing Ruth's. He'd missed all these appointments with his first two children. "We're having a boy?"

"We can never be one hundred percent sure until the birth but yes, it looks as though the first one is a boy." Shifting the image, the doctor tried to focus in on the second baby. A few minutes went by as she tried to get a clear image. "It looks like this one is a bit camera shy. They're hiding behind their brother and I can't get a clear image, I'm sorry."

"But they're healthy?" Ruth asked, looking up at the doctor.

"Yes, both look to be where they should be at this stage of development. 17 weeks can be hit or miss when it comes to determining the gender and the baby has to be willing to cooperate. I do want to keep monitoring them though. Your blood pressure was a bit high again today. When you come back for your next sonogram, we should be able to tell both."

Printing out a picture, the doctor handed it to them before apologizing and leaving the room. Taking a tissue, Ruth cleaned her stomach as Harry continued to stare at the sonogram. As she swung her legs to the side of the table, Harry looked up and smiled at her. "We're having a boy."

"Maybe two." she said with her own smile.

Standing, Harry helped her down from the table. "No, it's a boy and a girl."

"We don't know that yet."

"I have a feeling." Lying a hand against her bump, he met her eyes. "Our little girl is being a proper little lady and not sharing things that shouldn't be shared until she'd thirty."

"Harry!"

Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against hers. "We can disagree about it over a quiet dinner at home."

* * *

_**AN: Sorry for the delay in getting this up, I've been going through some things and haven't felt much like writing. Hopefully it won't be as long between this update and the next.**_


	39. Date Night

Fingers resting on the table, Ruth looked around the dimly lit Italian restaurant. She'd never dined there before but from the speed in which Harry had procured a quiet table away from the dinner crowd, it was obvious he had. More than likely numerous times. Trying not to dwell on the other women he had been there with, she pulled her gaze from the decor and back to her husband.

Tie gone, top two buttons of his shirt undone, he looked more relaxed than he had been the past few weeks. His hair; longer than he normally wore it; was slightly mussed and her fingers twitched as she longed to run them through it. _Later_, she thought to herself.

Reaching for her glass of water, she took a sip. "You didn't have to cancel your evening meetings."

"Hmm?" Looking up from his menu, Harry smiled as he met her eyes. "I didn't, but I wanted to. I've missed you."

"You see me every day."

"Across the Grid when the others are around. Or for a few stolen hours when we're both asleep." With a final glance at his menu, he closed it and set it down. Reaching across the small space, he slid his fingers between hers and gripped her hand lightly. "It's been weeks since we've spent any time together. And besides, this afternoon was important. Nothing short of a National Crisis was keeping me from our appointment."

"You could have. I would have understood." Seeing the look that flitted across his face, she squeezed his hand. "I would have been disappointed; and missed you; but I would have understood."

With a sigh, he leaned back in his chair. "I wouldn't have." Looking around the room for a moment, he gripped her hand tighter. "This is my second chance at being a better father and I'm already messing it up."

"No you're not." Pausing, she pulled his hand towards her. "Hey, look at me."

Waiting until his eyes met hers, she smiled at him. "Yes, you've missed most of the appointments with the doctor but honestly, aside from the first one and today, they've been pretty boring. Just weekly meets to make sure everything is alright since they've classified me as high risk between my age, the fact that there's two, and the eventful first two months we had. You were at the important ones."

"I wasn't at their first one." he said quietly, thumb brushing her soft skin.

"No." she said, glancing down to their joined hands, "but you were at the two most important; today and the one following the bombing."

"It doesn't feel like enough. I didn't even know coffee is making you sick. I thought you've had no morning sickness with the pregnancy."

"Because I chose not to tell you. Harry, you've got enough on your plate without having to worry about every little thing with me. I'm a grown woman, I can handle the mundane parts of this pregnancy."

"I should be with you for everything." he all but growled as he met her eyes again.

"And I'd kill you before they were born."

"Ruth..."

"No Harry, you listen to me. You're not a bad father; not with these two at least. I can't speak for the old you because I didn't know you then, but now, you're not being a bad father. At any time over the last 10 weeks, if I needed you in any way, would you have dropped everything? No matter who you were pushing off?"

"You know I would have."

Squeezing his hand, she smiled at him. "I may have been a bit harsh with you this afternoon but I was frustrated at both how you were reacting to our current situation and the possibility that you were going to miss the appointment. It was my fault as much as yours though; I could have spoken up. But I was being petty."

"I'm sorry." Lifting their joined hands, he brushed his lips against her knuckles.

"There's no need to apologize." she said softly. "You're busy, I'm busy; we're _both_ busy. We just forgot what we promised each other."

Smiling, he lowered their hands to the table. "That's why I canceled my meetings tonight on the pretense of us having an evening appointment. We needed dinner tonight."

* * *

Hands linked together, Harry and Ruth strolled quietly through the streets of London.

Dinner had been nice. Pleasant conversation. Good food. Great company. And Harry had talked her into a slow dance between their main course and dessert; a few stolen kisses in the shadows of the dance floor.

All in all, a good date.

It was still early; the evening rush not over for another hour. With traffic as backed up as it was, neither were in a particular hurry to get home. As they rounded a corner, Marks & Spencers came into view. Stopping by the door, Harry pulled Ruth back towards him.

"Let's go in here."

"What?" Looking between the overhead sign and Harry, she frowned. "Why? You hate shopping."

Stepping from the main path, he pulled her in front of the display window. "That may be but you need clothes."

"What are you saying?" she asked, eyes narrowing as she watched him.

"That I overheard you and Fiona talking the other day about needing to go shopping. That your shirts were getting to be too tight."

"I can go this weekend. You don't need to take me shopping."

"We're here. There's nothing stopping us from picking up a few things."

"You're not just covering up the fact that you think I've gotten fat, are you?"

"What? No! I'm actually quite found of your growing curves. _All_ of them but especially the ones where the peanuts are." Sliding his hands around her waist, he leaned closer until his breath whispered against her ear. "And I'll admit to finding more than a little pleasure in your growing breasts."

"Harry!" Smacking him in the shoulder, she leaned back and smiled; happy that her changing body didn't seem to bother him.

"I promised you I'd never lie." he answered with a smirk. Meeting her eyes, he brushed a hand against her face. "Tell me the truth, are you upset about gaining weight with this pregnancy?"

Looking around at the people milling about, Ruth blushed. "Now is not the time to talk about this."

"Bugger everyone else. We don't know anyone."

"We could."

"And so what if we do. We're married, we're allowed to be affectionate in public." Fingers gripping her hips, he pulled her closer.

"But we're usually not." Hands resting against his chest, she looked around. "And no, to answer your question, gaining weight is not upsetting me. I know I need to for the twins to be healthy." Meeting his eyes, she smiled and tried to step back. "Though I do admit that I was worried at first you'd distance yourself as I put on pounds."

"Never." he said, loosening his grip slightly.

"I know." with a smile, she patted his chest lightly. "You keep muttering 'Mmm, mine' and 'My Ruth' in the night as your hands wander. I stopped worrying."

Sliding her hands down to his, she moved them from her hips and stepped back.

Reaching out for her hand, he gripped it in his before pulling her towards the store. "Good."

* * *

Letting out a sigh, Ruth stepped back from the rack. Nothing in the maternity section was appealing to her.

It was either to plain, to tight, to low cut, to 1970's or to animal print.

"There's nothing here."

Frowning, Harry looked around. From where he was standing, he could see a number of shirts, skirts, pants, and dresses that she'd look amazing in. And none were all that different from what she normally wore.

Stepping around her, he pulled a dark blue cotton shirt from a rack and held it against her front.

Looking down, Ruth frowned. "It's too low cut."

"No it's not. It's almost exactly like the red one in the wardrobe at home."

"It'll be too tight then."

Placing the shirt back on the rack, Harry wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. Lips pressing against her ear, he spoke softly. "No it won't. What's really wrong? Were you lying when you said you weren't bothered by your changing size?"

"No." she said softly, her fingers picking a piece of lint from his shirt.

"Then what is it? Because you'd look great in at least half these clothes."

"It's nothing."

Hand splaying against her middle back, he pulled her closer. "And that's you lying. Ruth, what is it?"

"I..." pausing, she rested her head against his chest. "I hate having to spend all this money on clothes I'm only going to wear for a few months."

"Is that it?" Kissing the top of her head, Harry stepped back and watched as she nodded yes. "Don't worry about that. Unless you're planning on going around naked for the next five months; which by the way means you won't be leaving the house; we need to pick out some new clothes."

Blushing at his comment, she conceded that he was right.

"And if the thought of only wearing them for a few months really bothers you, we'll save them for when we get pregnant again." Picking up a hunter green wrap around shirt, he held it out to her. "Now, I think we should try this on."

* * *

_**AN: Thank you all for your reviews and wishes of my feeling better. I'm doing a bit better and know that it'll only be a matter of time before I'm fully back to normal. A small offering to continue June from their doctor's appointment. There's more coming from their shopping trip later; hopefully Wednesday night as I've a new Crochet group tomorrow night to attend. I still haven't fully decided on if they're having two boys or a boy and a girl yet - thoughts? I'm also taking ideas for things you'd like to see worked into the coming months. If you've a moment, please spare a review.**_


	40. Everything Has Changed

"Ruth we've paid for them. We're not taking them back. Let it go." Stepping onto the escalator, he turned sideways and watched as she carefully stepped behind him.

"But Harry, _six_ bags worth? No one needs that many clothes for only a few months time." Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she looked down into his eyes.

"Most women would be thrilled beyond words that not only has their husband suggested a trip to the stores but also given them free reign of his credit card." Stepping off to the side at the bottom, he waited until she was standing next to him. "Now, say thank you Harry, give me a kiss and let's go home."

Standing in front of him, Ruth looked around his arm before gently patting his chest. "Shut up Harry, take that smirk off your face, and since you're feeling so generous, let's go spend more of your money."

"Funny." Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against her forehead. "Stop worrying about the clothes. You needed them."

"Not that many. I could have made some things in the wardrobe at home work with just a few of the pieces you bought me."

Looking down at her, he gave her his best grid look, and spoke in his best Grid voice. "It's done and over. You're keeping the clothes, there'll be no more discussions about it. And you'll be happy about it."

"Alright," she said softly, seeing the look on his face. "But you have to stop buying me everything you think I need or want. You're spending entirely too much on me."

He didn't speak, just looked at her a moment. She was unlike every other woman he'd ever been with or known, including his daughter. They'd wanted things; clothes, makeup, jewelry, expensive dinners, fancy trips; but the only thing Ruth wanted was him.

Broken old Harry Pearce.

A man who'd cheated on his first wife not once but many times.

Who had done unthinkable things for his country.

She knew all that. Had been so worried it'd make him want something more than herself. But she'd taken the chance. And realized she couldn't care about his past.. She still wanted to be with him.

Had married him.

Was currently carrying their first two children.

"Harry?"

Broken from his moment of thoughts, he smiled at her. "Ready to go home?"

"Actually," she started, nervously looking behind him before speaking, "can we buy one more thing?"

Turning her eyes back to his, she waited nervously.

* * *

Ruth's sitting on the bed when Harry steps back into their room. In her hands she's holding the softest of stuffed penguins he'd ever seen or felt. The fur is a multitude of grays with patches of black fur here and there. It's nose is orange and shaped like a carrot. Next to her is an exact replica of the one in her hand.

Crossing the room, Harry settled onto the bed and reached for the second penguin. He hadn't known what to expect when she'd asked if they could buy one more thing. All evening he'd not fought exactly but been challenged in getting her to buy clothes for the coming months. Then all of a sudden, standing at the bottom of the escalator, she'd seen something she wanted.

He'd have bought anything at that moment, if only to reinforce the thought in her mind that he didn't mind buying her things. As he'd turned around, he was sure it'd be something unexpected. And it had.

_The children's section had been just over his shoulder. An area filled with everything a newborn could possibly want or need. She'd seen the stuffed penguins sitting on the shelf, part of a menagerie of different stuffed animals. Seeing the hesitance on her face but the joy in her eyes, he'd managed to shift all the bags containing her clothes to one hand before taking her hand in his. _

_Fingers wrapped together they'd made their way over to those children's toys. Stopping by the shelf, he'd expected her to reach for the traditional brown bears but instead, she'd picked up the penguins. Penguin gripped in each hand, she'd turned her eyes up to him and smiled. The first true smile since they'd been at dinner earlier in the evening._

_The two penguins weren't the last things they'd bought that night. As Ruth had clutched the stuffed creatures in one arm, she'd looked around the section in wonder. Rack upon rack of little outfits surrounded them._

_Whereas she'd been reluctant to pick anything for herself, the twins were an entirely different story. Picking up little pant sets, she'd turned them over and looked at them in amazement._

_"Do you want to get some things?" he'd asked softly, standing at her back._

_"Can we?" Looking up from the outfit, she'd turned her head and smiled over her shoulder. "We should wait. I mean, we only know one of their genders."_

_"We're having one of each. I told you in the doctor's."_

_"But we don't know that."_

_"Alright, then we buy a couple of things for our son and a few gender neutral things for our daughter until we're sure."_

_Turning back to the rack, she'd picked up the brown and green pant set, the smile on her face growing larger. "Only one or two."_

That one or two had turned into three bags of little outfits and onesies. Little trousers in browns, blues and blacks; shirts in greens, reds, and blues as well as some plaids. By the end of the night, he'd even managed to slip in a few outfits of purples and pinks.

But his favorite outfits of the night were the two pastel green onesies currently lying in front of them. Setting the penguin on his knee, he reached down and picked them up. Ruth had found the long sleeved pieces as they'd stood in line waiting.

Unlike the others they'd picked in stripes and darker colors, these were entirely pastel green; the only change in the picture and words on front. On their fronts, a light gray elephant smiled, its trunk lifted up. Under the elephant in carefully stitched white letters, it read "Will Cuddle For Peanuts".

When she'd spotted them, she'd made a sound he'd never heard from her before. For one long moment, he'd thought something was wrong but then, as she'd turned towards the rack and picked up the small outfit. Showing it to him; the smile she'd had on her face for the last hour lightening her eyes; she'd turned to grab another before they'd made their way up to pay.

"Harry?"

Looking up from the outfit, Harry smiled as he met her eyes. "Yes Ruth?"

"I've been thinking. About the nursery. And which room would be perfect for the twins." Tucking the penguin into the corner of her arm, she turned to face him. "I was wondering if you'd mind too much switching your office to the box room. It's just that it's bigger and has all those windows that bring in the afternoon sun. Plus it's directly across the landing instead of down the hall. If you don't want to, I understand but..."

Lifting his hand, Harry cupped her cheek softly before pressing his lips against hers. Kissing her slowly, he heard her sigh and watched as her eyes fluttered shut. Nipping her lower lip, he pulled back and smiled as her eyes flickered open. "I have no problem moving my office for the twins but I've been thinking about space too. And I've come up with a different idea. What do you think about moving?"

"Moving?"

"Hmm. Yes. To a larger house."

Looking around their room, she frowned. "But...we have plenty of space here. And so many happy things have happened these last few months."

Watching her, he let his thumb follow the curve of her cheek bone. "I know. But I've been thinking we'll need something with a bigger back garden. One with enough space for Scarlett and the twins to play and run." Thumb sliding under her chin, he smiled. "Plus, we haven't talked about it yet but I'm assuming you're going to want to go back to work after the twins are born."

"I uh...haven't really thought about it but I think I'd want to."

"That's what I thought. With both of our jobs and the hours we can put in, we're going to have to have a live in Nanny; or at least the space that she can stay over when the need arises."

"I hadn't thought of that." she said softly, her eyes lowering. "I don't want the twins to be raised by strangers never knowing us."

Seeing the sadness cross her face, Harry leaned forward and brushed his lips across the tip of her nose. "Hey, don't worry about that right now. The twins are going to know both of us, you don't need to worry about that. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I was just thinking."

"But Harry, you're right. We work such long hours. There are weeks we come home long enough to sleep and shower. How can we raise two children like that? What kind of parents would do that?"

"Ruth, we can make changes so that doesn't happen. I won't _let_ that happen. Our twins will know who their parents are and that they're loved. I promise."

"You can't promise that."

"I can." Sliding his arms around her shoulders, he pulled her until she curled herself into his lap. Head resting against his chest, she let her hand lie on his shoulder. "We don't need to talk about it tonight or even until after the twins are born."

Hand sliding across the scar from where Tom had shot him, Ruth turned her face to look up at him. "I don't want to move."

Lips brushing against her forehead, he smiled softly. "I want you happy but are you sure?"

"Yes." Hand resting over the puckered skin, she leaned back so she could see him better. "The back garden is plenty big for Scarlett and two little kids. It just needs some TLC. I can spend some time on it this weekend."

"You're not doing anything in your condition."

"I'm pregnant, not an invalid."

"I'll help you if you want to do it."

Smiling, she nodded. "I do. And there's plenty of space here in the house. There's the entire attic that you've barely used and I don't need my reading room all to myself. We could turn that into a play room for the twins when they're old enough to need it. The twins can share a nursery for the first few years too."

"We'll see what we can do." he said softly, eyes watching her carefully.

"We'll make it work Harry. I know we can." Leaning down, she pressed her lips against the scar on his shoulder, her eyes watching him. "And I know something else we can make work."

* * *

_**AN: I'm a bit behind in my reading of fics and in reviewing them. I'm trying to catch up but if I've missed something or someone, please let me know. I've got a four day weekend to catch up on them. Happy Thanksgiving to those readers living in the US and Happy Thursday to everyone around the world. I hope you're all doing well. =0)**_


	41. The One with the Garden Center

_**AN: So sorry for the delay in getting this next bit up. Hopefully it won't be too long between updates anymore though I do have a lot going on the next week or two at least. Taking requests for things the readers would like to see in this pregnancy.**_

* * *

He's standing at the bottom of the stairs, eyes on his watch as he waits for Ruth. It's the second Saturday of July and they've got the weekend off. The perfect time to begin cleaning out the overgrown back garden for Scarlett and the twins. Or at least it was according to Ruth.

Harry would rather bring someone in to professionally do it. It's not that he doesn't like gardening; no, actually, that was exactly it. Garden work has never been something that ranks high on his list of fun things to do and spending the next two days ripping out overrun ivy and trimming wild hedges just isn't something he's looking forward too.

But Ruth has been insistent that they're going to do and who is he to argue with his twenty-week pregnant wife.

Which is how he has found himself standing in the entry way at eight in the morning. Waiting. A final glance at his watch has him prepared to call out for her again when he hears the gentle footfalls of her feet on the hall floor. As she rounds the corner, he looks up and the smile he had been prepared to offer her slides from his face.

"What are you wearing?"

Stopping on the middle of the stair case, Ruth looks down at her outfit, a questioning frown on her lips as she looks at the fitted green t-shirt, jean shorts, and green trainers she's just finished putting on.

"Some of the clothes you bought me."

Looking back up at him, she finishes walking down the steps to stand in front of him.

"You can't go out dressed like that!"

Eyebrow lifting, she looks at her outfit a second time before she meets his heated gaze.

"Excuse me?"

Fingers sliding over the bare skin of her upper arm, Harry gently turns her round on the steps. "Go get changed. I like the tan linen skirt and that deep red jumper."

Turning, she glares at him.

"It's 27 degrees out!"

"So?" he asks, his lips tightening at her glare.

"Harry..." she begins to say, a warning to her voice.

"I am not spending the morning watching other men ogle my wife."

"We're going to the Garden Center." she says, exasperation filling her voice.

"Exactly the type of men to ogle a beautiful woman!"

"I'm five months pregnant with twins!"

"Who happens to be showing off amazing legs with how short those shorts are."

Fingers sliding down the fabric, Ruth glances down, shaking her head as she does so.

"They reach the middle of my thighs."

"Entirely too short."

"Harry, I'm not going to fight you on this. It's hot out, I'm hormonal, and one of your children is currently resting against my sciatic nerve; which by the way isn't a good sign for when we're further along. I'm wearing the shorts. End of discussion."

With a sigh, Harry runs his hand across his face. "Ruth..."

"No. This is what I'm wearing and you can either come with me and be quiet or stay home and pout. The choice is yours."

Lowering his head, Harry places his hand on her left hip and rubs it gently through the material.

* * *

"Harry would you stop glaring at that man?" Ruth hisses, her eyes lifting from the different glove choices to meet his.

"He's staring at you." he growls, his hand resting firmly in the middle of her back.

"He's blind Harry!"

"Still shouldn't be looking at you." he mumbles, stepping closer to her back in a sign of possessiveness. Pressing his lips against the side of her head, he speaks louder as he continues to glower in the direction of the blind man. "And what about the last one?"

Putting the thinner gloves back on the shelf, Ruth places the thicker pairs in the basket. "He was helping us find a rake and these gloves." Pausing a moment, she turns her head and looks at him. "Besides, you frightened him so much with your constant glaring that he wouldn't even talk to me."

"Good. I thought he was a bit seedy."

"He was sixteen and called me ma'm."

Hands on the rail, Ruth shakes her head and pushes the buggy down the long isle, all the while listening to Harry grumble under his breath. In most cases, his over protectiveness has been sweet; carrying the wash between the floors, helping her with the shopping, rubbing her sore hip and back at night; but he's also had a problem with _any_ man speaking to her. And it's getting to be annoying.

As they walk into the furniture section, Ruth stops to look at a children's adventure set. It's far too early to even consider having one for the twins but one day in the future they'll need one. As they pass a slide, Ruth sees Harry's mouth opening and she sighs, her hand lifting from the buggy to cover his lips.

"Don't even. He's 5!"

* * *

Hand wiping across his brow, Harry pulls another branch free from the back corner. They've been back here for an hour and all they've managed to do is rake the dead leaves into a large pile. Sometime in the few years he's lived here, one of the smaller trees had died, it's branches falling around its base. If they're going to trim the hedges - and Harry wants to see the state of the old fence behind them - he's going to have to clean them out.

He's managed to drag three of the medium sized branches out when he hears her voice behind him. Stopping, he turns to see her standing on the patio of broken brick, a bottle of water in her hand.

"Harry just leave the larger branches. At least until tomorrow. Adam, Jo, and Zaf have all said they'd get them and the ivy out for us."

Crossing to her, he takes the bottle of water and drinks, the cold liquid quenching his thirst. "I don't see why you invited them over. I told you I could do it."

She stares at him, her fingers wrapping around his on the bottle. "Are you going to fight with me over everything or is today just a bad day?"

"I don't like how he looks at you." Letting her take the bottle, he wraps an arm around her waist and presses a light kiss against her lips before stepping back.

"Who? Zaf? He's being friendly."

"He stares at your breasts with a look of longing in his eyes."

"Harry..."

Another press of his lips against hers, Harry sighs before taking her hand and leading her towards the overgrown weeds that once was a flower bed.

"Fine. I'll let it go. But if he makes a pass at you, I can't promise I won't kill him." Fingers sliding around hers, he looks around. "Where do you want to start?"

_**TBC**_


	42. A Tiny Little Flutter

Ruth's resting in their bed later that night, 'The Story of Io' open before her. It's early by their standards, just going on ten, but between the garden work and walking Scarlett they're worn out. Or more likely, Harry's hurt his back moving branches he should have left and he's using her pregnancy as a reason for them to be in bed.

She's not arguing though as it is more comfortable lying against the mountain of cushions he's set for her against headboard then on the couch. Rolling her shoulders, Ruth looks up as the en suite door opens. As Harry stands in the door in only his boxers, a puff of steam escapes over his head.

"Feel better?"

"I'll admit it's nice getting the layer of grime off I acquired from the garden."

"Uh huh. It has nothing to do with your ignoring me and moving those heavy branches yourself."

Slowly crossing to the bed, he lifts the duvet and slides in next to her. As he settles on his back, he stifles a moan, not wanting to admit that she had been right. Folding his arms across his chest, he turns his face towards her a moment, pouting as she looks down at him.

"I love you my darling, beautiful wife."

Leaning down, she presses her mouth to his, smiling as his hand lifts to tangle in her hair. Lifting her lips slightly, grins at him. "You were still wrong in trying to move the tree by yourself."

Kissing her quickly, he lets go of her hair and settles on the pillows again. "It wasn't the branches but rather the four hours spent bent over digging holes for you to plant your flowers in."

Moving back to her pillows, she slides down some, and picks up her book. Opening it back to the page she was reading, she slides a hand over to cover his. "Whatever you say dear. Tomorrow I'll plant the flowers and you can haul the wood out."

He wraps his fingers around hers and closes his eyes, shifting to try and find a comfortable position.

* * *

It's ten minutes later that Ruth sighs, picks up her bookmark and closes her book. Setting it on her bedside table, she pushes herself up and looks at her husband. He's been grumbling and moving around the bed, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in and it's beginning to get to her.

"Harry, lie on your stomach."

Eyes opening, Harry looks at her, eyebrows hunched in question.

Getting to her knees, she kneels next to him and uses her hands to show him what she wants. "Roll over and I'll rub your back."

"No, no. It's alright."

"Harry, stop being stubborn and let me help you."

With a long sigh, he slowly rolls towards her onto his stomach. Folding his arms under his chin, he feels the mattress shift before her hands settle on his shoulder and her thighs wrap snuggling around his hips. Fighting back a different kind of groan, he closes his eyes and says, "I should be doing this for you."

"And you can, later, when my back is hurting. Right now relax and enjoy it."

Using her thumbs and the heels of her hands, she slowly starts pushing into the muscle of his shoulders, feeling the tense knots under his skin. As she slowly works along the contours of his spine, he feels himself relaxing and the pain melting away.

She's making her way back towards his neck when he realizes how much of a jealous sod he's been throughout the day. Rolling his shoulders, he feels them crack.

"Ruth, I'm sorry. I know I've been a horses arse to..." he stops as she freezes, her fingers digging into his shoulders. "Ruth?"

"Shh."

She doesn't move, just continues pressing down into his shoulders as he begins to worry that something's wrong. Trying to roll over, he finds himself trapped as he doesn't want to knock her to the floor. He's just getting ready to try shimmying his way up the bed when she suddenly climbs off him and grasps his hand.

Dragging it from under his chin, she quickly pulls it to her stomach, lying it against her shirt. Confused, he turns on his side and watches her, waiting.

"Come on babies, do it for your daddy."

And then he feels it.

The smallest of flutters against his hand.

Pushing himself up, Harry moves both hands to her stomach and waits. It's not long before he feels another series of small movements.

Eyes lifting to hers, he sees her smiling and gives one of his own.

Hands still resting against their children, he leans forward and kisses her slowly.

* * *

_**AN: Just a tiny update to get this moving again - and to make up for making Harry a jealous sod in the last one.**_


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